2:146, #450: Bob Wonders...

...if the device used to "torture and mutilate Elves, turning them into Orcs" as Saruman tells his Urukai was really a Mordor version of Windows or Facebook?

...if a politician like Sarah Palin "quits" and subsequently gets her name all over the press, if there was perhaps an ulterior motive in the announcement?

...Facebook is a cunningly conceived plan to keep Christians away from folks who need to hear the gospel?

...if "middle age" is defined as 35-54 in an article describing the rise of Facebook Users, can we expect to live to be 108? At 57-7/12ths, I'm figuring I'm already Over the Big Hill with a GREAT view of Heaven as I gaze at it from the back porch of The Grey Havens!! And, if 70-80 is the average age granted to man, based on Scripture, does that make me 72-82% dead?

...if you bounce your reality check, do you get bailed out by the U.S. government through some amnesty program?
Just curious.

2:145,#449: Spam Makes Me Laugh

Well, this morning I got an email that warned me of "3 things you should never do in bed." Well, I dumped it and then thought:
1. Never drive your John Deere tractor in there.
2. Never build a barbecue on the sheets.
3. Never mix oil based paint there when trying to decide what color to paint the bedroom.

Oh, I STILL think calling crap emails "spam" is an insult to the delicious foodstuff that comes in the classic blue can as well as the Monty Python classic skit "Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam."

Got rye bread, mustard, and beer?

2:144, #448: Apologies and Some Thoughts

First: Apologies to Loudon Wainwright III...he wrote "Dead Skunk In The Middle of the Road" and performed it. I thought for sure Country Joe performed it...could be wrong...life goes on...Oobla Dee, Oobla Da!!

Second: I figure the true 'read' on the "immigration invasion" of the U.S. is that Hispanics are just trying to take back land that Anglos stole from them in the 19th century that other Hispanics stole from First Peoples in the 17th/18th centuries. The whole shebang is part of God's plan to have pagans beat up on pagans, causing disruption among Canaanite-like people groups so that Christians can be introduced to "every nation, tribe, and tongue" who will be represented before the Throne of God as Revelation 5:9 says.

Third: All the Christians who have prayed for the "10/40 Window" to be opened to missions work can take credit for all the wars and political upheavals throughout that region of the world the Lord is causing in order to give them their hearts desires as they delight themselves in Him. (Psalm 37:4)

Fourth: The Grey Havens window repairs/repainting is calling me...I'm outta here!!

2:143, #447: Dead Skunk In The Middle of the Road

Earlier this morning I posed the question on Facebook if people use deodorant because we're "born dead in trespasses and sins" and like Country Joe's Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road, we're "stinkin' to high, high Heaven!!" Didja ever wonder what was on the skunk's mind when he started out across the blacktop? Did the black road with the white stripe down the middle look like Skunk Almighty to the critter with poor eyesight? Just WHAT was the Lord thinkin' about when He created that particular perfume that comes out of the back end of Pepi Le Pew?!! ;p

What is it in tomato juice that washes out the smell when your puppy decides that curiosity is better than discretion when he/she contacts the "swamp kitty" for the first time? Is there a metaphysical picture of us being the stinkin' skunks in God's nostrils that can only be cleansed by the red, viscous fluid known as Christ's Blood?

Does this pondering count as a semi-early morning epiphany as I've got "Dead Skunk" as sung by Loudon Wainwright III cranked on You Tube? If you want a good listen, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UejelYnVI3U and crank that country western UP!! Gee, maybe we could incorporate this tune in the Stonewalled Charismatic Presbyterian Hymnal under the Total Depravity section??!!
Got tomato juice?

2:142, #446: Independence Day

Happy Fourth of July, you Americans! Too Bad, you Brits!! Christian King George III bungled a big one "back in the day" before his documented "madness" with what appears to be the disease porphyria...rent the movie, "The Madness of King George" starring Nigel Hawthorne and Helen Mirren for an entertaining look at history!

Speaking of movies, my Fourth Faves happen to be, not necessarily in order of preference...

"The Patriot" starring Mel Gibson for some great battle action, decent history, and a real tear jerking scene when his little girl finally talks to Benjamin Martin.
"Independence Day" for some sci-fi action, offbeat humor, and a saving the planet so we can become a Global Village theme.
"1776" gives us delightful music, a slightly twisted, though essentially true view of how we got to be a new nation, and some politically incorrect humor to spice up the view.
"Gettysburg" would, of course be on the list, since July 4 was the day that Bobby Lee et al retreated from their ignominious defeat in South Central Pennsylvania while at the same time Vicksburg was captured by the Union in the Western Theater, guarenteeing Union success in the next few years.
"Ken Burns' Civil War" is an excellent documentary which includes information on the Key to the Mississippi...Vicksburg; which, by the way, was named after Baptist missionary Newett Vick!!

So, when folks ask me if I have any plans for The Fourth, I reply, "Nothing planned, but a lot of cool movies to watch if I feel like it." Of course, messing around in my office blogging and commenting on Facebook have already become part of the non-agenda, so maybe I'll go type some more of Journal #3 into my computer to commemmorate my personal Independence Day, August 17, 1980 when the Lord opened the eyes of my heart and broke the shackles of my soul!!
Got weenies to roast on a REALLY long stick over the fires of Hell for the Marriage Feast of the Lamb?!!

2:141, #445: Gettysburg Goats

I've read a lot of information bad mouthing both General James Longstreet and General JEB Stuart on their roles in the Battle of Gettysburg. Well, as I point out in my Facebook status this morning, JEB Stuart actually did one of the two things cavalry traditionally did during the Civil War. Even though he did not serve as the 'eyes' of the Confederate army as Lee expected, he did gather up 120 wagons in his foraging raids that were then used as ambulances for Lee's Miserables wounded at Culp's Hill, Devil's Den, Pickett's Charge, and elsewhere on the 'fields of glory.' AND...JEB and his horsemen did not make it to the battle until late on the second day because he was forced further east by the Union Army's marching position...a situation brought about by faulty reconnaisance by Colonel John Singleton Mosby's report of the Federals' position when Lee sent Stuart off on his ride.

Likewise, General James Longstreet gets lambasted because he not only tried to dissuade Lee from attacking the stone wall in front of the clump of trees on the third day of the battle...a MONUMENTAL MISTAKE by the General Commanding...but also for delaying Pickett's Charge for as long as he did, hoping that Lee would change his mind; which he never did when "his blood was up." Frankly, Lee should have listened to Longstreet because the Yankees were entrenched behind the stone wall on high ground as the Rebels had been at their victory at Fredericksburg.

It also turned out that Lee's cannonade obscured his view of the Union lines because the wind was still for the 2 hours Lee's cannons were firing...a situation that did not allow Lee to realize his cannons were NOT driving "those people" off the position. And providentially in the coincidence of God, just as the Rebs stepped out of the woods at 3pm for Pickett's Charge, a wind drafted up the Emmitsburg Road, clearing smoke from the battlefield, and giving the Yanks a perfect field of fire to slaughter the Rebs...just like at Fredericksburg!!

Well, the monumental mistake has led to the most monumented-battlefield in American history. Got tour guide?

2:140, #444: Gettysburg, Day 2

One hundred, forty-six years ago, some fellows from below the Mason Dixie line decided to try a marathon run up Little Round Top south of Gettysburg and helped Colonel Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain gain American Idol status, not for his singing ability, but for the way he yelled, FIX BAYONETS!!...at least that's my theory now that I've watched "Gettysburg" for the 34th time.

Needless to say, I'm also listening to the soundtrack from said movie even as I type...providentially in the coincidence of God, the track entitled "Battle of Little Round Top." So...how many coincidences does it take to make a providence of God? One if you're willing to believe it, but a thousand won't be enough if you're not. Ya know, that might be an excellent opening for a book entitled, God Caused the Civil War; which, of course would have a strong Calvinistic flavor...kinda like spicy cajun chocolate ice cream on whole wheat waffles with whipped cream and a freshly picked sour cherry!!

Did I mention that the work cited above is available on Inter-Library Loan from Westminster Theological Seminary's Library?
Time to go build a scaffold at the Grey Havens...