3:18, #512: Off Time Sillies

I just got an email called "God's Little Notes" and was inspired to comment...first the note, then my thoughts on it:

"You can tell how big a man is by what it takes to discourage him"....I thought you could just check the label in his underwear! ;P

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet spirited until you try to sit in their pew."...I actually had a lady ask me to move out of hers one time when I visited a church!!

"Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers." Funny, I never saw His name in an Anne Landers column.

"When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there." I guess that's why He who sits in heaven laughs?

"Peace starts with a smile." Heck, I thought it was when both sides dropped their weapons.

"If God is your co-pilot, switch seats." Soo, who holds the controls while you're swapping?

"Prayer: Don't give God instructions, just report for duty." Praying is the report for duty, you get to pick the topics!

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain." Who gets to wring out the soggy clothes?

3:17, #511: Friday Funnies

I was checking out what happened on this day in history this morning and learned that Hagar the Horrible, that great 'Viking businessman' was introduced to the world on this day in 1973. One of his best lines was to his daughter, Honi, when he heard she plucked her eyebrows and said, "When you pluck out one, four more come to the funeral...look at mine!" Needless to say, Honi went off greatly dismayed with the cry, "Mother...!"

Likewise, I heard on the radio that some fancy schmancy clothing company was going to carry an 'evening line' and a 'sports line' and wondered if lingerie would be considered an 'evening sports line.' Of course, that prompted me to think of Eve turning to Adam as she modeled her first 'skins line' after the Fall and asking, "Honey, does this outfit make me look fat?"

Then there was the item that in 1974, Mats Wermelin, a 13-year old in a Swedish youth basketball league scored all the points in his team's 272-0 victory. I wonder if he changed his name to 'Gunner' after that? Shouldn't a kid named 'Mats' be a wrestler?

3:16, #510: Bob Wonders...

...why little kids are willing to share their germs but not their toys?
...if you try to 'strike a happy medium' in life, will he/she see it coming and duck?
...if steel wool is made from cast iron sheep? And do they rust when standing out in the rain?
...if dessert at the Marriage Feast of the Lamb will be 'pie in the sky?'
...if I am 'a letter of Christ' as 2 Corinthians 3:3 says, for those who reject Him do I become an eviction notice?
...if Paul's analogy to a body holds true for Christians, who is it that the Lord sees as parts of the gluteus maximus?
...if Global Warming actually takes hold, will the phrase 'that doesn't cut any ice with me' will be eliminated from our vocabulary?
...why people don't pray in the bathroom since the Bible says 'go into your inner room and shut the door' before you pray?
...why Christians are so ready to worry but not to 'be anxious for nothing but with all prayer and supplication with an attitude of thanksgiving make [their] requests know to the Lord?
Got answers?

3:15, #509: I Need Duct Tape!!

I have to steal Glenn Beck's idea about duct taping my head so my brain doesn't explode today!! I'm dedicating this post to some of the insanity that's 'out there' in Reality Check Land:

Here is news from an Australian study: People in their 70s actually have a different set of risks and benefits associated with body fat that young people don't!! Can you believe that? Fat 20-somethings are different than fat 70-somethings...whoddathunkit?!! The point of the article is that 70-somethings who are a little overweight are better off than waaaay over OR under-weighters. I really hope somebody spent a lot of time and money to come up with this one. Maybe Crocodile Dundee was the author of the report, Mates?!!

You'll be happy to know that Osama Bin Laden blames Global Warming on the U.S. and other industrial nations. Sooooo...who's the ventriloquist and who's the dummy...Algore or Osama?!!

Just exactly WHO was it that decided that Pluto is no longer a planet? And the answer is..... Astronomers of the International Astronomical Union after a multiyear search for a definition of 'planet.' The definition is at [http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/08/060824-pluto-planet.html] and all I can say is that a Sumo Wrestler who leaves crumbs all over the place could qualify as a 'planet.'

English Climate Guy...Professor Beddington...says even though there has been wrong doing and mistakes by Global Warming Climatologists, the basic science of the Global Warmers is good. In other words, "My Mind Is Made Up...Don't Confuse Me With Facts!!"

The last insanity I want to mention would be a Pergola and/or a Gazebo here at Camp Cornelius...the brain child of Anonymous Man and Money Guy. The only reason I mention them is that A-man just walked in and brought up the subject again. I'm wondering just exactly WHAT do we need them for, but then why do I even ask the question?
Got Duct Tape?

3:14, #508: Penny Pickers

Nope, this is not a reference to a "Buckaroo Bonzai" character...that was Penny Priddy, played by Ellen Barkin who also had a role in "Diner," the movie that launched the careers of Steve Gutenberg, Daniel Stern, Micky Rourke, Kevin Bacon, and Paul Reiser...and is a fun flick, by the way...and has some GREAT looking old cars in it!

This is a post to celebrate the 25th anniversary of when I started recording answers to 'provide me with money' that dawned on me one day as I stooped to pick up a penny somewhere ...probably on the sidewalk of a Wawa or somewhere like that. I figured if I was going to ask the Lord to provide financial resources for me, I'd better be as accurate as I can in recording the answers, so that's what I've done and accumulated $419.04 since then along with several hundreds of prayer answers for "Findings" from one cent to a twenty dollar bill one time. I even spotted a ten-spot in the woods as I mowed just before I ran over it with the John Deere. Well, Scotch tape put the two pieces back together to the satisfaction of the bank and I had another Alexander Hamilton picture in my wallet!!

Another Penny Picker benefit is all the stoop, bend, and pick exercises I've gotten over the years...who needs Jane Fonda's workout when you can do it on your own and get paid for the effort?!!

There must be some deep psychological reason why some people pick up pennies and others don't, but I'm not too concerned with that at this time of the morning with my Feng Shui CD giving me metaphysical calmness with its soothing tones. One thing, from my point of view, I hate to see money go to waste when it's obviously just lying around waiting to be retrieved and if the Lord is going to use such an obvious way of providing for me, I should follow His lead.
I wonder if Jesus ever picked up a denarius or two on the road to Bethlehem?

3:13, #507: Stonewall Jackson

Yep, yesterday was Old Jack's date of birth back in 1824 and I thought I'd wax eloquent this morning on Deacon Tom. As you can see, this was a man who inspired nicknames, the most famous of which was 'Stonewall' that he got at the First Battle of Bull Run when the Yankees made a big mistake and attacked on Sunday, July 21, 1862. Oh, for you newbies, my book God Caused the Civil War points out that statistically more big battles were fought on Sundays than any other day of the week and the attacker statistically LOST 67% of the time vs. winning 67% of the time on Friday, Saturday, and Monday. But I digress...sort of...

Old Jack, Old Blue Light, Tom Fool, Stonewall...Deacon Tom was quite a Christian in his day. He decided that the Presbyterian form of government was the best suit for him, so he joined Lexington Presbyterian after his conversion during the Mexican American War. He was also responsible for forming the first black Sunday school class in town...illegally, according to the laws of Virginia of the day. I've proposed that when he instituted The Rebel Yell at Bull Run when he commanded his Stonewall Brigade to 'charge and scream like the Furies' that it was his reaction to sitting quietly in pent up frustration during session meetings at Lexington Presbyterian...but that's just a guess on my part.

Deacon Tom was a praying man...I like that and was somewhat inspired by it 'back in the day' when I was just starting out my walk in the Lord. He used to pray for his students at Virginia Military Institute as classes were changing, for the person to whom he sent a letter, and just about all the time. He was a rock solid Calvinist who once told one of his aides that his religion made him understand that he was as safe on the battlefield as he was in bed since God had his death firmly accounted for and his responsibility was to live as strong a Christian life as he could.

Old Jack was a firm believer in 'whatever you do, do it as unto the Lord' from Colossians 3:23... the only problem with that was he got a bit over zealous at Chancellorsville when chasing down the Yanks after a clear cut victory, got a bit prideful in claiming there was no danger in pursuing them at night, and ended up getting shot by friendly fire on his way back towards his own line. The 'good' for him that came of his fatal wounding that Saturday night was that he 'crossed over the river to rest under the trees' by his Heavenly Mansion on Sunday, May 10, 1863...the day of the week he preferred as his death day.

Well, that's about it for now, since the buildings at Camp Cornelius are beckoning me to open them...in a post Reformation, Van Tillian, Zen Sorta Way, of course, in the coincidental providence of the Living and True God who called me and Deacon Tom to be a couple of His kids!!
Got Election?

3:12, #506: Non-Original Laughers

In the limited circle of my expanding universe, folks seem to appreciate my Bob-isms and as a result send me laughers by email that I feel compelled to give to y'all here at the Beginning of All Things Friday:

If you plant bird seed, do birds sprout? Then what do you feed them? What kind of birds sprout?

Why do croutons come in airtight bags, since they're already stale bread?

If 4 of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does the fifth enjoy it?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

How can there be self-help 'groups?'

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

With income tax season here, did you notice that 'The IRS' put together spells 'THEIRS?!!"
Got chuckles?