Self Indulgent B.S.

5:20, #637 Evolutionarily Speaking Old Coot

2012-01-20T05:53:00.005-05:00

I'm a carpenter by trade and by usual way of thinking. When I'm confronted with a conundrum (which is different than a snare or bass drum), I usually ask "How?" not "Why?" I read the January 2012 issue of "Smithsonian" this weekend and thought of some questions regarding their Evolution World Tour. So here are some random thoughts on the whole process of evolution:

What soft billed bird beat its face against a tree to evolve into a woodpecker, given that researchers observe that birds live 3-37 years on a good life span, less usually? [http://www.stanford.edu/group/stanfordbirds/text/essays/How_Long.html]
Oh, I see in the list "American Coot" 22 years, 4 months; which prompts the pictures of Baby Coots and one Old Coot!! ;p

Next, which one of the ladies of the past, maybe Lucy the famous Australopithecus herself...G'DAY MATE!!...evolved the Ghetto Booty? And...is that Aussie saying REALLY a pick up line, not just a general greeting...Ya know...G'DAY!...MATE??!! This might explain the extinction of some former links in the human chain, I suppose, if Lucy wasn't in the mood! ;p

Did the ancient killer whales (Orca's ancestors) decide to migrate to warm water to regenerate skin tissue because they couldn't find the Nivea cream up in the arctic?

What weasel-ly little weasel decided to be the big bad wolverine...no, not the guy in X-men...who inhabits areas of the planet that require big feet and LOTS of heavy hair? Check out the pics of the two current cousins at Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolverine...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weasels. I wonder if some bully weasel kicked sand in the face of another, who decided to bulk up, change his coat, and get big feet?

Which forward-flying bird in Mr. Peabody's Way Back Machine developed into the 'helicopter' known as the humming bird? Was it a song bird who lost the words, hence the new name?

Was it a Friday night when homo sapiens began "using red pigments, making blades, & eating seafood as early as 164,000 years ago?" (Smithsonian, Jan 2012, p. 39) Well...TGIF!! (Oooops, it CAN'T be T...GEE...I...F if there aint no God and evolution is correct...My Bad!! ;p Sooooo... would it be T N[obody] I F for atheists? Just sayin'...

My last question is a 'Why' one...Why haven't carpenters and Moms with little kids evolved a third arm in the last 164,000 years, given what a handy adaptation it would be? Just curious...
Got Archaeopteryx?

5:19,#636: Hogwart Airlines

2012-01-10T06:12:00.007-05:00

I was sitting on the back porch of the Grey Havens yesterday enjoying some coffee and saw a broom propped up against the stone wall. For some reason it caused me to wonder if any Celtic Environmentalists have been in contact with Hogwart's to do research into turning brooms into a new form of planet-saving transportation device for us Muggles.

Think on't...as Willie Shakespeare might say...we could quadruple the number of parking spaces available all around the world...or at least add some at the top of regular car slots, we could increase the market for broom sales, parking space line painting, air traffic controllers, and lots of other industries that don't immediately come to mind to improve the world's economy!! ANNNNNDDD...it should not hurt the current transportation industry by reducing the number of cars because brooms don't have trunks or back seats in which to carry groceries or squalling young Muggles. Yeah, I've looked up Harry Potter on Wiki to refresh my memory, having read the first two in the series in 2003! ;P

Oh, and we could give a whole new twist to the Canadian sport of curling!! Try to imagine hurling the 'stone' into the sky and 'sweeping' it. If you have no clue about what I'm talking, check out the You Tube 4-part story of curling in Corner Gas country of Saskatchewan or Google 'curling': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UALN8x_c0Ws

Hmmm...what more to say? "Sweep on, MacDuff, and damned be he who cries, 'Enough!'"
Got a kick-stand for your broom?

5:18, #635: The Million Pound March

2012-01-08T12:35:00.004-05:00

As a follow up to my Facebook post of the other day, I'm wondering if Obese Americans should stage, similar to the Million Man March, a Million Pound March on Washington, DC to tell Michele Obama and the Cookie Nazis who want to ban Girl Scout Cookies to 'get stuffed?!!' After all, they are a bunch of turkeys who are trying to impinge on personal freedoms in the name of what... some fallacious reality that's really yet another grab for political power!

Just think of the ground shaking effort that could be initiated if they all got on a one foot high platform and jumped off at the same time!! Why, they might cause a local earthquake that would cause the Potomac River to flood and clean up the streets!! Just sayin'...

Their slogan could reflect the line from "Dream Team"..."Stay outta my psychosis!!"...STAY OUTTA MY FAT!!

Got Avoirdupois?

5:17, #634: Modern Hieroglyphics

2012-01-08T08:13:00.008-05:00

I was standing in the checkout of a Staples store yesterday and spotted a 3 x 5 spiral notebook entitled Dictionary of Text Messages...or something like that. I immediately thought about the French guy's line in 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' where he said he could drop a $10 watch in the sand and in a thousand years it would be invaluable. Then I thought, all these texting as well as license plate abbreviations are the 21st century's hieroglyphics that some future archeologists are going to spend lifetimes interpreting...lol!! ;p

I mean, think about it, somewhere around 3213A.D....or it may be 1201 in the calendar, presuming that the movie we watched at The Havens last night for the seventh time, '2012' is correct and they reset the clock...some guy will pick up a cell phone from some 'dig' in Wisconsin (which will have become the South Pole, remember) and declare, much as Archimedes supposedly did, "EUREKA!!"

My source, since I've only ever received/sent 3...yes, that is 3...text messages since I've had a cell phone...about 5-6 years...for the following entries that will be found in this hypothetically discovered artifact come from [http://www.netlingo.com/acronyms.php].

The first I've searched, being that hypothesized archeologist: BS Big Smile -or- Bull Sh** -or- Brain Strain...Unless this blog somehow remains in the Internet Archives (there might be a Conspiracy Theory wrapped around that thought)...my personal application will be missed...so sad! ;p

Oh, BTW...there are 2009 texts listed on that lingo page! Holey Moley, Batman!! (HMB is not currently listed, so make that 2010!)

I noticed the ones at the beginning of the list are numbers...reminding me of the days when we passed around things like that in the late 50s, early 60s: 379 was, I think, "You're talking to someone who apparently cares!"

I think another entry should be DWYWYWA...Do What You Want, You Will Anyway! It certainly would make counseling a friend easier than a whole lotta thumb twitching that goes on now...actually, I'd put it on speed text, if there was such a thing.

Well, B4 UR 2 GR8 2 care...

..../._/_ _./_..

5:16, #633 Five Lessons

2012-01-04T13:48:00.002-05:00

Got this email and thought it was worth posting. Oh, this was once my car, several years ago...

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor Gave us a pop quiz.

I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:
"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor…"In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello..."
I've never forgotten that lesson…I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.

It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's' bedside just before he passed away... God Bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the Waitress was growing impatient.. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it.. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bednext to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Most importantly...“Live with no regrets, Treat people the way you want to be treated, Work like you don’t need the money, Love like you’ve never been hurt, and Dance like you do when nobody’s watching.”

5:15, #632 Old Fogey Blues

2012-01-03T15:09:00.003-05:00

A Facebook Friend was lamenting her age and life and I decided to write this song this morning between 4-6am. The music in my head is a slow Country Western feel similar to Toby Keith and Willie Nelson doing "Beer for My Horses..."

My life is hist'ry, oh, what can I do?'
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.
I'm seein' ghosts like Old Scooby Doo..
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.

All that I've done is now in the past,
The things I've built, they're not gonna last,
My body aches, now aint it a blast?!!
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.

I'm gonna fade into obscurity.
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.
Who in the future will think about me?
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.

Oh, I've been good and I've been bad,
I've seen it all, both happy and sad,
For 60 years as man, boy and lad,
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.

I'm on the doorstep of Heaven or Hell.
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.
It tolls for me, that Eternity Bell.
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.

Oh, with this life I've gotten so bored,
But not at all with Christ Jesus, my Lord.
Since on His boat I've gotten aboard.
There goes my case of the Old Fogey Blues.
There goes my case of the Old Fogey Blues.

5:14, #631 Baby's Coming

2012-01-02T06:22:00.003-05:00

Years ago here at Camp Cornelius, I asked a guy who is a medical doctor if the Mother or the Baby triggers labor. He said medical science had not figgered it out...sounds a bit like the last couple of chapters of Job where God presents a series of questions to Job after he gets, shall we say, a bit perturbed at the Lord.

Well, it appears from my brief internet sally this morning that things have not changed. Hmmm...'sally'...does that mean it's gonna be a girl? ;p Dr. Penelope Sheehan of the University of Melborne doesn't know, but the article provided this cool picture, if not the rest of the article when I clicked on "more>>" [http://cms.unimelb.edu.au/advancement_news/mdhs/mdhs_items/what_makes_the_pregnancy_clock_tick]

"No one really understands what causes normal or preterm labor. There may be several chemical pathways that lead to labor, but we think that this surfactant protein, which is also produced by the fetal lung in humans, may be the first hormonal signal for labor to begin," reported [Dr. Carole] Mendelson, who is also co-director of the North Texas March of Dimes Birth Defects Center at UT Southwestern. [http://www.drmomma.org/2008/01/fetal-lungs-protein-release-triggers.html]

Midwivesonline.com say it's still unclear in their 2012 post. [http://www.midwivesonline.com/parents/parents1//////?ttl=faqans&faq=284]

Maybe David was on the mark with Psalm 139:14-16, "I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Thy works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from Thee, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Thy book they were all written, The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them."

I've been telling Moms for decades to quit reading the news a couple of weeks before possible delivery because the kid's not wanting to come out into this fallen world. Maybe I'm not quite as far over the Edge as I thought?!!

If you're anticipating a Blessed Event, I've got prayers for ya: 'strength for the day'(Dt. 33:25)...'minimize the birth pains of Gen. 3:16'...'keep her anxious for nothing/praying about everything/thankful as she goes/provide her with all she needs'(Phil. 4:4-19)
Got name picked? ;)

5:13, #630 New Year's Nuggets

2012-01-01T13:15:00.007-05:00

Nope...this is not about Chicken Mac's or gold mining or...can't think what else at the moment, but just some random rocks rifled onto the Internet...I wonder about these things:

Is the Philadelphia Mummer's Parade our version of "Lords a-Leaping" of the Twelve Days of Christmas?

Why 'to Hell in a handbasket?' Wouldn't the basket catch fire? Would it be attached to a hot air balloon to get most of the way there? Would the hot air rising from Hell lift the balloon to Heaven by mistake...or God's Providence?!!

Do Atheists have any representative music the way Christians have hymns? Well, Captain Google (a not so new Marvel superhero) found this [http://atheistempire.com/entertainment/music_lyrics.php] for 'Atheist Empire: Atheist Music Guide'

How do you figure out if your 'going up' or 'going down' on the scale and how far you've been, given that Karma reaches perfection in 6,800,000 incarnations, according to Disappointment with God, pg. 200?

Who measured the distance to the sun and how much it weighs, given all the astrophysical material that firmly declares these things 'to be so?' Did somebody stop at Home Depot on the way to pick up some 100' tape measures and an over-sized postal scale?

Howcome Malchus isn't patron saint of Guys with Good Reflexes? After all, he ducked quickly enough when Pete swung at his head with a sword in the Garden of Gethsemane that all he lost was an ear!! Come on!!...You didn't REALLY think Ole Fisherman Pete was just trying to nip his ear, do you?!!

I think I'll end this with one of my questions from some time ago...probably in another incarnation...should all the blazing hot stars of the universe simply be considered 'space heaters?'
Got wonders as you wander?

5:12, #629 The Big O Trifecta

2011-12-28T06:02:00.004-05:00

Back in the Day...that would be 1983 in this case...I had a bit of an epiphany; which is why I write about it today, given that Epiphany Sunday is approaching. I was reading Ephesians 6:10-20 and was impressed that we Saints are supposed to, "... pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints..." Well, being the practical guy that I am, my question that day was, "How?" I certainly don't know all their names nor do I have the time to ask individually even if I did...now THAT would be a list for Mr. List Keeper!!

The epiphany came when I looked out of myself to God's character; hence the title of this piece. Got is Omniscient (all knowing), Omnipresent (everywhere), and Omnipotent (all powerful), so I realized I can rely on Him to sort out and apply my requests for all the saints. As a result, I made my All Saints prayer category and applied Ephesians 6:10-20 to us all. Oh, Jesus-believers are addressed as 'saints' or 'holy ones' in some of Paul's letters; which is how I named this category of folks. Needless to say, the corollary group of folks is my Aints List for whom I request the same grace from God I've got, applied in His perfect way and time.

Well, my request then and since has been that ALL Christians would "stand firm in Him, put on the whole armor of light, realize the spiritual warfare we're in, pray for all other Christians in the Spirit, and boldly proclaim the gospel wherever we are." Similarly, Col. 1:9-12 has been oft-repeated for our growth in the knowledge of Him and His will, a 'worthy walk,' strengthening from Him, a thankful attitude, and fruit bearing lives. And the foundation of this whole deal is God's Big O Trifecta attributes mentioned above.

Paul says in 2 Corinthians 10:3-4, "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses." Everyone and everything are within our range, given our Father's abilities...
Got artillery shells?

5:11, #628 My John Deere Dealership

2011-12-27T11:40:00.014-05:00

OK, parodies of The Twelve Days of Christmas have been made by all sorts of people. Here is how I plan to open my virtual reality John Deere Dealership sometime in January or February of 2012:

ASSUME (Yeah, I know how that breaks down)...Some philanthropic 'True Love' picks my name out of a hat and gives me the following items, based on my reworking of the 12 Days:
A John Deere by a pear tree = 12 John Deeres + 12 pear trees
This will be the basis of my combination tractor dealership/fruit farm.
--22 Turtle Bars = dessert at the Grand Opening of the facilities.
--30 French Toasts = further foodstuffs available at the festivities.
--36 Blackbirds (from Colly birds) = baked in pies will make a dandy lunch.
--40 Gollum Rings = keep one in order to bring all my customers to me and 'in the dealership bind them' while either hocking the rest for financing and more inventory or sorting through them for the real Ring of Power!!
--42 Geese All 'Eh?-ing'...they're Canadian of course, complete with eggs...BIG Supper for the Grand Opening, if we can get the 'protected species' lifted by the USDA; otherwise, it's egg sandwiches for the first 42 customers who place orders!!
--42 Ugly Ducklings...yeah, the swans stayed as they were because True Love got snookered on this one! However, DUCK makes a dandy dinner if we can't get the above mentioned USDA approval.
--40 milkmaids with cows (hey, they were 'a-milking')...my first 40 employees with connections to the Dairy Association for immediate processing of drinks to go with dinner and some possible creamy vanilla ice cream if we can sell a Gollum ring to buy ice!! (Maybe the local WAWA will chip in on the ice if we use their goose symbol in our ad flyers?!!)
--36 Ladies Restrooms...hey, with all those milkmaids and prospective customers, we have to prepare. Besides, Port-a-Pottie might have given a discount to Old True Love!!
--30 Lords of the Rings...reading material for the Ladies Restrooms and/or door prizes!!
--22 Pipers Piping...these are gonna be the Fantastic Bagpipe Band that will rouse the rabble
--12 Drummers Drumming...naturally, these will be part of the Fantastic Pipers...who knows, if we find the right clan, we can have green and yellow kilts!!

Now, if you're wondering just exactly where we'll be located...the Valley of Wonders from my Age of Wonders computer game...or maybe Middle Earth if the lease on the land isn't too expensive?
Got Virtual Realtor?

5:10, #627 Frankenstein in a Monkey Suit

2011-12-27T06:59:00.011-05:00

Yep, that's my assessment of 'Rise of the Planet of the Apes!' It also swipes a lot of themes and scenes from various other movies. If you've seen it, you might see my comparisons. If you haven't and plan to, I'm not going to spoil the movie for you. If you're not going to see it and don't care...may your True Love give you 3 French toasts, 2 Turtle Bars, and a John Deere by the pear tree!!

OK, here we go:
Frankenstein: James Franco, the scientist who meets The Babe played by Freida Pinto, develops ALZ-112 serum to cure his father's Alzheimer Disease. The tests on chimps creates Caesar, the hero with the super brain who has Jimmy F as his 'father,' as JF tells him with sign language.

Buckaroo Bonzai: John Lithgow is Dad with Alzheimer...a gentle reprise of Professor Emilio Lazardo, who goes insane because he's possessed by an alien from the 8th Dimension.

Julius Caesar: Not only does John Lithgow quote from Shakespeare's play...which is how the baby chimp gets named Caesar...but you've got the rise of the chimp who got the ALZ-112 effects passed on genetically...a variant of Caesar's claim to being descended from a big shot in Roman history...OK, I forget which one, so sue me! ;p

Charly: Jimmy F injects Dad Lithgow with ALZ-112; which not only arrests Dad's Alzheimer but makes him brilliant!! Down side: the 'cure' aint and Dad gets worse and croaks...at least Charly only went back to being Charly.

Shawshank Redemption: Big ape jail house scene where Bully Chimp beats up Caesar. Caesar gets smarter, frees BIG Gorilla and Gorilla straightens out Bully Chimp. Caesar gives cookies to ALL the apes...becomes Big Boss Chimp.

Silverado: Caesar jimmies his cage lock with a knife he swiped from a stupid human much as Kevin Costner jimmies his cell lock in Silverado by touch.

King Kong: BIG Gorilla saves Caesar...shot by human assassin in helicopter...biplanes would have been cooler, but, hey, it's 2011!

Lion King: Caesar climbs to the top of a giant redwood to look down on his domain on the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge from 'Frisco with a setting sun as backdrop. Only thing missing was a wife and baby chimp.

Jumangi: Some of my boys who saw this one (I didn't) told me in the post-show chit chat that the scene where the chimps run along the tops of the trees down a San Fran boulevard with leaves falling everywhere came from this flick.

Planet of the Apes: Caesar's first word is "NOOOOO!" ...just like Chuck Heston, if memory serves. Also, there's a "get your filthy paw off me" by the one human. My boys tell me the ALZ-112 is a tip of the hat to the 112 minute run time of Planet, too.

Firefly Series/Serenity: The G-23 paxilon hydrochlorate was supposed to make people peaceful. It caused 99.9% to lay down and die and .1% to become maniacally aggressive cannibals who killed the scientists and roam The Verse for mayhem alone. The ALZ-112 is gonna cause the Apes to dominate the humans!

X2: OK, Brian Cox (Col. Stryker in X2) who gave Wolverine his metal skeleton plays the head of the Ape Sanctuary where Caesar passes the gas to smarten up his ape buddies, turning them into mutants, too. The mutants were also caged on Three Mile Island!

Well, that's it for now.
Got popcorn & bananas?

5:9, #626 Neuro-meteorology

2011-12-26T07:42:00.006-05:00

First of all, if the National Weather Service tracks winter storms, should the National Teachers Association track brain storms? Or would that fall to the American Neurological Association? Or maybe MENSA?

If something 'hits you like a thunderbolt,' does that mean you're the 'thundernut?'

How can thunder, which is a sound, be a 'bolt' at all?
I learned Saturday that a lightning bolt is usually 2" wide and 20 miles long...just who measured THAT?!! And who measured the weight of the sun and distance it is from earth? Did they buy the scale and tape measure at SEARS?

Oh, and howcome 'meteorology' is the study of clouds? Shouldn't it be the study of meteors and 'cloudology' be the study of clouds, with the guys doing the reporting called cloudologists? Although, with typical Anglo-Saxon abbreviating, I'm sure cloudologists would become cloudists, which sounds enough like clod-ists if you give it the right accent that the oft-wrong cloudologists would then simply be called Clods! OK, I just answered my question about meteors and clouds.

'Weathermen' (or would Weatherpeople be more politically correct?) makes sense...whether right...whether wrong...still weather comes! ;p

Oh, and if we get brain storms, does that account for why so many of us are 'drips' or are 'in a fog?' And since we were prototyped by the Original Dirtball and used parts of said DB (cf. Gen. 2:7, 22) does that account for 'muddying the waters' of conversation when we're 'storming about?' Should the human race's theme song be 'Windy,' the 1967 hit by The Association? [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qlqwpq7xycU] ...or maybe 'We'll Sing in the Sunshine' by Gale Garnett? [http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=JxZI0Cxaq20] ...or maybe 'Blowin' In the Wind' by Peter, Paul & Mary?

Well, I guess that's the whether or not report for today...forecast is for more time to come... brainstorms predicted on the horizon...just remember my Facebook Friend, the answer is Blowin' In The Wind!!
Got umbrella?

5:8, #625 The Second Noel

2011-12-24T09:19:00.004-05:00

OK, I'm listening to The First Noel by Celtic Woman on You Tube...to requote General James Longstreet from 'Gettysburg' ...mmmm, mmm, those girls can SING!! If you're interested, click here: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Bts7ndhPw4]...I've got some new Celtic Christmas songs to which to listen as I write!

Didja ever wonder what happened on The Second Noel?
Well, let's see, Mary and Joseph had fled to Egypt with Baby Jesus after an angel warned them to flee Herod...the Wise Men left due to God's message to them in a dream to leave by an alternate route. (Matthew 2)
They had sufficient finances from the Noel Gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh to get them there and, no doubt, to keep them until Herod croaked; which appears to be 6 or 7 months after the birth of Jesus. This site [http://home.comcast.net/~murrellg/Herod.htm] puts the Birth 'close to June 2 B.C.E. and Herod's death at Jan. 26, 1B.C.E.' OK...so we've got calendar discrepancies...they didn't have a Rolex at the time (pun intended). I wonder if Egypt had pawn shops 'back in the day' so the Couple could hock the stuff?
"Through many dangers, toils, and snares, we have already come...'tis grace will lead us Home..." Yep, those Celtic Women are now singing my favorite hymn on my computer. Guess Old John Newton could have been writing about Joseph, Mary, & Jesus in the first year leading up to the Second Noel in God's Providence...that He's just getting around to having me point out to whoever's reading this!!! Oh, yeah...'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear' would have been the initial warning about Herod the Great...just sayin'...
Well, it's looks as though Jesus spent the Second Noel back in Israel...Nazareth, to be exact, according to Mt. 2:22-23, as a result of another dream God gave Joseph. According to historian, Josephus, Jews of the first century did not celebrate birthdays. [http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/advice/t-180210.html] Apparently, birthday celebrations are connected with all sorts of pagan rituals, B.C. and A.D. days, so there's an especially appropriate twist to Simeon's statement to Mary and Joseph on Circumcision Day from Luke 2:32, where he says Jesus will be, "A light of revelation to the Gentiles, And the glory of Thy people Israel."
So, there it is...we've got the Holy Family back in Nazareth, we don't hear any more about Jesus until He turns 12 (Lk. 2:42), when we also learn He "kept increasing in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men."
I guess learning the carpenter trade from his father would make Jesus a home schooled kid?

5:7, #624 Merry Easter Eve

2011-12-24T07:03:00.006-05:00

Oh...My Bad! I meant to say Merry Christmas Eve, not Easter Eve!! But, now that I've mentioned it, howcome we earthlings in certain parts of the planet have Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, All Hallow's Eve, even Midsummer's Eve in June, but not Easter Eve? Well, Silly...cuz the Baby Jesus of Bethlehem grew up and was dead in the grave at the time...and His followers just didn't feel up to partying!! (I wonder if Mr. & Mrs. Pilate went to a Roman toga party that night?!!) It does seem ironic, however, that THE most important event in world history, The Resurrection, was Sunday morning but Christians don't throw a party Saturday night looking with anticipation to the commemoration of the event...just sayin'...

Well, as I was awaking from my 'long winter's nap'...no, Mah-Mah's in Heaven and doesn't need her kerchief and Pah-Pah's with her, sans cap!!...it dawned on me (of course the pun's intended!!) that American linguistics would be different if the term 'Eve' was more prominent in the way we look at things. I mean, think about it...

John Travolta would have to disco dance when he got 'Sunday Eve Feeve'...

Elton John would have to sing that Sunday Eve's alright for a heave(?)...

Dandy Don Meredith and Howard Cosell would have been on Tuesday Eve Football...is my age showing with those two names?

Clement Moore's rhyme scheme would have been awkward with, "'Twas Christmas Eve and all through the house..."

And, then, there's Adam's Eve...but would that celebrate the Mom of all Moms or Day 5 of creation just prior to God's making the Original Dirtball?

Lastly, while I think of it...why isn't there a Valentine's Eve? Maybe we just don't have the HEART for another party? ;P

5:6, #623 Christmas Carol Conundrums

2011-12-22T06:07:00.004-05:00

First of all, why are they called Christmas Carols? Shouldn't they be Christmas Marys, given the main characters of the season? That being said, these thoughts were running around in my head so I thought I'd turn them into free range partridges in pear trees...

Good grief...thank you, Charlie Brown...I was just looking up 'bough' and the Dictionary.com word of the day is 'calvous'...'lacking all or most of the hair on the head.' So, if a whole bunch of bald guys riding horses 'save the day' in an old Ronald Reagan movie, would we say, "The Calvous-ry was coming?" But I digress...
"Bough: a branch of the tree, especially one of the larger or main branches." Does Deck the halls with BOUGHS of holly seem a LITTLE MUCH?!! Maybe, in the spirit of Walt Kelley's Pogo we should sing,
"Build a deck with boughs of holly, put on Country tunes and chill the beer.
It's football season...what a folly, if your team wins, be sure to cheer.
Let's put on our sports apparel, act like jerks and go from here.
Trolls will sing a yule tide carol...GET THE GUN I SEE A DEER!!"

How 'bout...
"We three kings of Orient are, taking the train, we busted our car?
We hit field and fountain, trees...a mou-owww-tain...following yonder star!"

"On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...FIVE BATHTUB RINGS!!"
Four calling cards, three French toasts, two Turtle Bars, and a John Deere under my tree!!"

Guess I'd better wane eloquent...isn't that the opposite of 'to wax eloquent?'...and go open some buildings...
Got distorted lyrics of your own?

5:5, #622 Aaron's Blessing

2011-12-20T06:32:00.003-05:00

Hanukkah begins at sundown tonight and I want to wish all my Jewish and Gentile Facebook Friends and SIBS readers (including a couple of atheists I know) this from Numbers 6:24-26, "The LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace"...through His already sent Messiah, Jesus of Nazareth!

OK, so now a bunch of you are ticked off at me, but here's a piece of interesting (at least to me) Hebrew reality that I just learned this morning:
When a chanukiyah [the menorah] is full, nine lights will shine from it, lighting up the December nights. Eight of the lights stand in as a sort of counter, symbolizing which night of Chanukah is being celebrated. There is one extra candle lit first every night of Chanukah. This is the shamash, service candle, or in the old translation: the sexton. [http://www.mazornet.com/holidays/chanukah/menorah-shamash.htm]

Well, there it is. This Sexton wants to light your way as a sexton to the Light of the World.
Got a match?

5:4, #621 Arrogance

2011-12-19T07:28:00.002-05:00

I am an expert on arrogance...Heck, just saying that sort of proves my point! Then there's the bit of evidence called "Self Indulgent B.S."with 620 other bits of my brain flying across internet space based on the presupposition that somebody out there needs to hear from me. Why do I tell you this? Well, I think I'm a pastor at heart (a maintenance man in all the other organs) and I want to help you through this life...hmmmm, perhaps a bit of arrogance there, too?!! ;p

Here's my point...When you're shaking your head about the arrogance of politicians of a persuasion opposite yours, maybe you should consider that EVERYBODY who thinks he/she could run a country or part of a country HAS to be arrogant, so why should you be surprised when 'either side of the aisle' (an American usage for Congress/Brit usage, I think, for Houses of Parliament) act as they do?!!

And then there are some of you Conservatives (whatever that exactly is) who think members of the National Teachers Association are arrogant because they feel they've got a lock on what your kids should learn. Well, 1Corinthians 8:1 does say, 'knowledge makes arrogant, love edifies.' (NASB) They do have a pile of education among them, now don't they?!! This doesn't mean you're wrong in your thinking, just that you might get a little less frustrated with the way things work...or maybe motivated to actually make changes in the system.

Who else practices arrogance? How about everybody on talk radio?!! Solution: TURN IT OFF!! I actually had raised blood pressure one time due to the fact that I was listening to talk radio on the way to the doc's, so you might find life a little more pleasant without the yabbering.

Who else? Everybody on Facebook, Google+, Twitter, and all the media of which I am not (blessedly) aware who foist their opinions and 'news' upon you. Solution: Laugh at some, ignore some, or TURN IT OFF!! (Except, of course, when you want to find out up to what I am!!)

Got the ability to conjugate a sentence like Winston Churchill, who hated sentences ending with prepositions? Is that arrogant? ;)

5:3, #620 A Christmas Carol

2011-12-17T07:03:00.014-05:00

Here it is, the 168th anniversary of when Charles Dickens published his famous Christmas classic, in which I actually played Scrooge waaaaaaaaaayyyy back in 1981 at a little church production in East Berlin, Pa....no wise cracking about the fact that it 'wasn't much of a stretch' for me! ;P

Oh, justsosyaknows...the article in Wikipedia has it on the 19th, but there's another piece of info in that reasonably reliable medium that's not up to snuff! Oh, would Ebeneezer Scrooge be an 'unreliable medium,' since he was, so to speak, seancing with spirits only once? And just for you intellectually curious, 'up to snuff'...which works rather appropriately as a statement, given the Dickensian Period in which we're operating...initially meant 'sharp and in the know'; more recently, 'up to the required standard'...my current use of the phrase, obviously, since I'm a post-20th century writer. [My source: http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/up-to-snuff.html]

Soooooooo...to celebrate the anniversary, should I watch Alistair Sims' classic from 1951?...AHH, what a glorious year, a great movie is made, the Korean War changes history a bit more, and I shuffle onto this mortal coil. I'd say that's a most likely bet.

Of course, there's Albert Finney's musical version from 1970...Holey Holly, Batman!!...I was only a sophomore in college, assuming the movie came out around December....ooops, thank you IMDb...5 November 1970!! Dontcha just love my write-as-I-research-so-the-research-is-right mode of posting on this blog?!! Hey, I'm Self Indulging much as Old Scrooge did...just a bit more lavishly!! By the way, Jacob Marley is portrayed by Alec Guinness in an Obi Wan Is Dead and Comes Back To Help Luke kinda role...think about it, those of you who are following along!!

Then there's the George C. Scott version that I think I saw once but don't own....and Jim Carrey's version and a couple of other modern remakes that won't be showing up at the Grey Havens anytime in this millennium. And what would I say of those versions? Why, "Bah, Humbug!!" of course!! ;p

We've already watched 'Scrooged' starring Bill Murray as part of our Christmas List Movies, so that one's not on the list; unless, of course, some visitor specifically requests it...

So, what's my point? In the loosest sense of the phrase, Old Scrooge had a conversion experience in which he, to quote damned (as in gone-to-Hell, not just blasphemed) Jacob Marley, "could be saved." I won't belabor this point, since you've already 'heard it before' no doubt. However, have you ever thought that the Ghost of Christmas Future might be as close to you as he recently was to Christopher Hitchins, the famous atheist? Think on't as you go a-wassailing!

Got Humbug?!

5:2, #619 Stupid Names

2011-12-14T06:19:00.010-05:00

Last night while diligently engaged in my evening ablutions using the much cheaper Brand X of Head and Shoulders on head and facial hair, it dawned on me to wonder who ever actually washed his shoulders with the stuff...except maybe our Muhlenberg lacrosse goalie aptly nicknamed 'Bear' due to his hirsuteness! So why 'Head AND Shoulders' as a name? Because over the course of the years we've been conditioned to immediately relate to the phrase 'head and shoulders above the crowd;' which has Biblical origins where Saul was chosen (wrongly) to lead Israel because he was good looking and stood head and shoulders above the crowd!

This got me thinking about product names, so here goes:

Tide laundry detergent: What?!! You want your clothes to smell like shrimp and seaweed washed up on shore?!!
Colgate Oxygen Whitening tooth stuff: Why do I need my oxygen white? It's been the same color all these millennia and been breathable to boot.
Sure Deodorant: Yeah, I've ignored the commercials with the arm raising...and you people actually BELIEVE them?!! SURE!! ;P
Optic White tooth paste: I always thought 'optic' had to do with my eyes...aren't my eyeballs white enough? Granted, they've been red on more than one occasion, but Murine or Visine can take care of that.
Q-tips: Not shaped like a 'q'...well, only if the cotton is lumped to one side...not made of a product that begins with 'q'...but if you stop and look at the ...'q'...I guess we could have another one of those qute little faces we put at the end of sentences to show expressions...emoticons; which sounds like some sort of Marvel Super Heroes! ;0P
Chaps Cologne: Oh, SURE (pun intended)...I want to smell like sweaty leather, dirt, the part of the saddle that some stinky cowboy's been squirming around on!! To quote the Sheriff of Nottingham in BBC's 'Robin Hood,' "A clue...NOT!"
How about BRUT? That sickening smelling stuff doesn't smell anything like rugby players after a game...or lacrosse, soccer, football, or hockey players, for that matter.

Since I usually end these tirades on a question...just what is Victoria's Secret?
Clearly the scanty underwear isn't hiding it!! ;p

5:1, #618 Celebrating Anniversaries

2011-12-13T08:07:00.006-05:00

Well, here it is, four years to the day...tip of the hat to Frodo...since I began this blog, clearly a Self Indulgent exercise in/by B.S.; which is why I chose the name that I did in order to aptly depict my analysis not only of my own blog but of all those 'out there' that in my humble opinion...if, in fact, I can have one of them...are aptly described as aforementioned! Obviously, as the sidebar of this deal indicates, my interest in foisting my opinions on you has waned over the years, but has not yet been extinguished...probably to the dismay of most of the 546 folks who might receive this through Facebook now that I've learned how to post them. Aren't you folks happy as a clam at a ham and oyster supper that you don't HAVE to read my drivel?!!

OK, enough self indulgent self-deprecation...

Anyway, it's also the 149th anniversary of the Battle of Fredericksburg in which great grandpappy Jacob Antes (some say I look like the bearded fellow) supported artillery south of town with the 119th Pa. Volunteers and got shelled by Stonewall Jackson's artillery; which gave me Post Traumatic Stress while I was, to use the Biblical phrase, 'in his loins,' thus explaining, I feel, some of my eccentricities! ;p

Also, it's the 31st anniversary of the start of my prayer journals; which currently have 203,976 answers in them; which is an adjusted total increased by 200, then decreased by 500, then increased by 1 as I discovered 'mathos' (if typos are typing mistakes, then mathos would be math mistakes, Eh?) while typing Journal #74 into my computer to facilitate research on myself; which I must admit is rather self indulgent in and of itself. Oh, for you folks out there who wonder sometimes about the veracity of Romans 8:28, "God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love God...", this is an example how losing a big chunk of computer held material 'sorted things' as my Brit friends might say.

Oh, Theological Point To Be Made: Notice that 'those who love God' is the qualifier of the first part of the verse. Not all things work to the good of those who don't love God...in fact, they accumulate to an eventual eternal end that sucks a billion billion times worse than anything 'evil' in this life!!

Redneck Evangelism Point To Be Made: If you aint Born Again, you aint in love with God... please repent, get converted, and let me know when it happens so I can rejoice with the angels who witness the Lord's gracious work in your life!! Tankewberrymuch. Oh, and all you Born Agains out there reading this, pray with me for my Salvation Listers to get brought into the Kingdom whilst I'm still shuffling around on this mortal coil! (Thank you Willie Shakespeare)

Last Point To Be Made: Live today like it's your last day...it may be exactly that! Oh, and Happy Anniversary on whatever days are significant to you!!
Got things to be and do?

4:26, #617 Christmas Movie List

2011-12-11T09:47:00.009-05:00

In the spirit of that Christmas movie classic, 'Scrooge,' the Walt Kelly cartoon is dedicated. Doom, you ponder? Well, for the Bad Guys, of course!! Just look at the list:
Band of Brothers, 'Bastogne'...the Nazis get the reply 'NUTS!!' after delivering surrender terms.
Lethal Weapon: Martin Riggs et al kick the Bejeebers out of Mr. Joshua and Company!
Die Hard 1 & 2: John McClane makes it right with wife, Holly, AND throws the German Bad Guy out the window while blowing up Nakatomi Industries...then he saves the airport next year!
Auntie Mame: The 'Crazy Aunt' whips all the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and shelters an unwed Peggy Cass.
Scrooge: Dickens' A Christmas Carol in two versions; Alistair Simms and Albert Finney...the Bad Guy gets converted...YEEHAW!!
Scrooged: Bill Murray's similar change from Bad Guy to Good Guy...Carol Kane as the Ghost of Christmas Present is MY favorite character.
Lion In Winter: Pete O'Toole as Henry Plantagenet and Kate Hepburn as Eleanor of Aquitane verbally whup the daylights out of each other, but all's well that ends well, even though "It's 1183 and we're ALL barbarians!"
1941: Insanity in California with John Belushi and a small town victorious over the 'Japanese Invasion' by one submarine.
White Christmas where Bing Crosby et al roundly spell DOOM for the conditions making their WWII General's ski lodge fail in a restorative DOUBLE Chick Flick: Bing/Rosemary Clooney (yes, George's MOM) and Danny Kaye/Vera Ellen.
Christmas Story: RALPHY GETS HIS BB GUN AND DEFEATS THE BAD GUYS!!

And, for this list...clearly not exhaustive...last and certainly not least
Jesus of Nazareth, part 1...the birth of the One who SPELLS 'DOOM' WHICH REALLY DEFEATS ALL THE BAD GUYS FOR EVER AND EVER, AMEN!!!!

4:25, #616 Food For Thought

2011-12-11T09:06:00.003-05:00

Last night we of the Havens were watching some of the first season of The Muppet Show. Needless to say, they are an inspiration to me in most of their thinking patterns. One of Rowlf's songs is "I Never Harmed an Onion" that, to me, points out that non-meat-eaters are just as cruel as us vegetarian carnivores they accuse of harming Bambi, Thumper, Daffy, Bugs, Miss Piggy, and when it comes to The FRENCH...even Kermit the Frog!!

The You Tube 1:45 is a good one. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE1mG9SdFUw] My warning to those of you who hate puns...DO NOT click on this video or your skin will crawl.

By the way, that red bowl pictures the cucumbers, jalapenos, snap peas, green and yellow beans I unceremoniously RIPPED from their clinging ways early one morning this summer so that they could later become one with me...in a post-Reformational, Van Tillian, Zen sorta way, of course!!
Got salad dressing?...make sure the door is closed! ;p

4:24, #615 Zelophehad's Girls

2011-12-10T13:05:00.008-05:00

This morning I was reading part of the Book of Numbers waiting for The Cook to get the bacon and eggs going and came across the five daughters of Zelophehad ('first born' if you believe sources). The whole deal was that he had no sons, so his daughters petitioned Moses to give them their landed inheritance and the Lord said, "Okey Dokey"...not sure what the original Hebrew was for that.

Hoglah was the name that stuck out. I thought, poor girl she would be called Miss Piggy for sure if she was given that name in an English speaking context. Turns out, it means 'partridge' so I guess Pops wasn't being mean after all. This search of course led Captain Google to check out the other four names in the list: Mahlah, Noa, Milcah, and Tirzah. Now, usually the Bible lists names in the order of birth, so Partridge was right smack dab in the middle of the girls...no doubt exhibiting all those 'middle child' traits modern psychologists attribute to that state of being.

In any event, we've got Mahlah ('sickness' or 'disease'), Noa ('movement'), Milcah ('queen'), and Tirzah ('delight'/'pleasure'/beauty). I can just see old Zelophehad and Mrs. Z sitting around the fire after the births coming up with these monikers! "Well, Dear, what shall we name this sickly looking thing that seems diseased after 30 hours of labor?" "Mahlah, Honeypie, what else?" Then after the next excursion into Genesis 3 pain..."Lookit this delightful little bundle squirming around all over the place...we've got to name her Noa!" Then along came Partridge, a.k.a. Hoglah. "Well, Honey, what name this time?" "Dunno, Sweets...look over there...a partridge in a pear tree!!! Let's name her Noa!!"

Further down the connubial road, Milcah gets her name...Queen. I can just see a miniature version of Suzanne Sugarbaker arriving on the scene of the Zelophehad Ranch!! (Yes, I've been watching reruns of 'Designing Women' lately.) Oh, if you're unfamiliar with the 1986-93 show, just go to You Tube and type in the name. I'm guessing this girl grew up a bit on the spoiled side as her older sisters were supposed to take care of her when she was sick (Mahlah), take her for walks when she squawked (Noa), and fed her chicken and dumplings when hungry (Hoglah).

Later on, Tirzah came along and Mom and Dad named her based on her being THE BABY... someone who was cute as a button (were kids that cute before the invention of buttons?)...and, no doubt, the favorite...like ALL of us Babies Of The Family ARE!!

So, there you have only the 24th published cogitation of my fourth year of blogging...304, then 190, then 97, now only 24 with 3 days to go before Year Five of Self Indulgent B.S....and then we'll be into 2012, the Chinese Year of the Dragon, and the Jewish Year 5772...for what it's worth; which was a GREAT song by Buffalo Springfield in 1967.

Oh, our Hannah Montana balloon photo just seems appropriate for this post for some reason...I guess all that's left to say is...
Got Topics?

4:23, #614 To Fart or Not To Fart...

2011-12-10T06:43:00.006-05:00

that is the question, whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune cookie eating or to take arms against a seafood of troubles and by opposing expel them!! (Apologies to young, suicidal Hamlet and Willie Shakespeare)

In case you haven't noticed, men and women consider the expulsion of personal methane stores in different ways; which I contend is one of the reasons men are generally more easy going than their non-flatulent counterparts! Why do I pass this Self Indulgent B. S. along to you? Well the other day I gave a Bobonic (no, not bubonic) Birthday Blessing: "May you age like fine wine! Just be careful how you cut the cheese!" She 'liked' it and this morning around 4:30am I got to thinking about the various ways we express how we 'express' ourselves...or not...

Just exactly how does 'to cut the cheese' equal 'to flatulate?' The only semi-scientific connection I can make here is that the smell of some cheeses is roughly akin to a sulfur dioxide explosion that is the result of last night's beer and raw oyster, perhaps wine and cheese tasting, dinner. Come to think of it, over the years I've noticed that a smelly bathroom recently unoccupied usually has the aroma of what the former occupant had for a previous meal. Being able to identify said aromas/foodstuffs is not exactly akin to the nasality of wine tasting, but it just comes as a side benefit of working in the plumbing/maintenance trades, I guess.

Now, 'to pass gas' is MUCH more accurate, given that expulsing methane is the actual act under contemplation. Oh, and yes, it DOES burn when guys like my Muhlenberg dorm mates next door tested the science of it as an ad hoc Natural Science majors' field test!! ;p FYI...their triple was known as The Cave to many of us living on the same dorm floor freshman year in 1969.

Now, since I've turned 60, I'm officially not only Older Than Dirt as my new coffee mug avers, but I am also an Old Fart. I don't ever remember being a Young Fart...that phrase makes me think of a Jungian Fart; which, given the absurdity of that particularly psychology, is a good analogy. Oh, and I think Freud misspelled his name...should have been Fraud...but that's just this Old Fart's opinion. I wonder if Pope Whoever pontificated officially on this topic it would still be called a Papal Bull? Somebody didn't think through the naming of that particular action.

Well, I'm getting 'windy' in this post...pun obvious...so I'll pass on to the next bit of today's wonderment, leaving you with this...
Got gas?

4:22, #613: Eccentricities

2011-11-16T07:30:00.008-05:00

Last night I came up with a new Bobism on the way back from dinner at a local Chinese restaurant. I forget the exact context, but what I said was, "Accentuate your eccentricities...there are enough boring people around!!"

Yesterday I turned 60 years old and some folks made my day by surprising me with a lunch down at our Carriage House here at Camp Cornelius...thanks to the organizational genius of my best friend who likes to remain internet anonymous; which is really not the case, since many of you already know who it is.

In any event, thanks to the fact that I do accentuate my eccentricities...I simply say, "I love being me"...it's fairly easy to buy me presents. The photo shows:
1. The newest edition to my knife collection...all of which get used for practical work in my life like cutting electric tape/scraping carrots/cutting up cigar butts for fertilizer/lowering my blood pressure as I bleed out from cutting my finger while shaving cigar butts...that's how I 'broke it in' already
2. Some good ceegahs that will let me 'practice aroma therapy' at various times while working outside and/or relaxing around the campus
3. A biography of Stonewall Jackson to feed my hunger for most things Civil War
4. A coffee cup that appropriately proclaims that I am now officially older than dirt!!

Some things that didn't make the photo due to my accelerating ability to forget what the heck I'm doing were a tee shirt that read "Sexton: 60" in football style, a coffee table style Harper's Pictorial History of the Civil War, and 5 books our gracious Librarian let me pick from a pile in his office in the midst of actually talking to him about work items; 3 novels, 2 on WWII.

So...the conclusion? Let folks see what kind of interest-oriented member of God's 'peculiar people' you are...it has practical benefits at birthdays and Christmas!! Oh, yeah, as The Carpenter once said, "Give and it will be given to you, good measure, pressed down, shaken together, poured into your lap"...just watch out for that last part if you're a knife collector!! ;0P
Got eccentricities?

4:21, #612: 60 Thoughts at 60

2011-11-13T10:22:00.021-05:00

Here I am approaching my 60th year on the 15th at 2:45pm, so I'm offering some brain waves as life ebbs and flows through my synaptic channels...some of which show up in the Bobisms column to the right of this post...
1. Can I come up with 60 thoughts?
2. Cigar smoking is one form of aroma therapy.
3. Are we allotted 'x' amount of energy at birth, and slow down at 60 because we ran around so much as kids?
4. Young Earthers should investigate the reliability of carbon-14 dating as so much hooey.
5. Before The Flood, one giant continent was split like an orange, creating the Laurentian Abyssal, so someone should compare minerals along the coastlines of the continents as they exist.
6. "Leviathan" of Job 44 is really a dragon, not a whale.
7. "Behemoth" of Job 40:15-24 is a brontosaurus.
8. The Marines borrowed "Semper Fidelis" from God, who claimed it long before they existed.
9. In the Army's 'As the Caissons Go Rolling Along," the phrase 'counter marching all about' means they didn't know where they were going.
10. If the Chief End of Man is 'to glorify God and enjoy Him forever,' then the Secondary End of Man would be only 'to glorify God;' which would explain Hell.
11. When Eve was 'clothed with skins,' did she ask Adam if the outfit 'made her look fat?'
12. The Last Trumpet and Great Shout when Christ returns are designed to ensure everyone actually shows up on time for the first time in history.
13. If the Mayans were 'smart enough to predict the end of the world,' how did they miss their own extinction?
14. Women with the lightest shades of red hair are usually left handed.
15. GRACE means God's Riches At Christ's Expense.
16. FAITH means Forsaking All, I Trust Him.
17. I actually told my Mom to throw out my comic books and baseball cards...;p
18. There is no such thing as 'civil' war...it's sole purpose is to be uncivil to the enemy.
19. Keep a few 3 x 5 cards & a pen handy to jot down notes of things to do to avoid forgetting them.
20. God gave you one mouth and two ears; use them proportionately.
21. EVERYBODY but God will eventually fail you.
22. There is at least one recurring sin a Christian wants to 'lose' which God will allow to remain in order to drive said Christian to Him repeatedly.
23. Hispanic explorers stole Florida & the Southwest from Native Americans. Anglo Europeans wrested these lands from them through wars. Now Hispanics are reclaiming them through immigration, legal or otherwise.
24. Worry is the stupidest sin available; which has absolutely NO positive aspect to it.
25. I have slept roughly as long as Rip Van Winkle.
26. I have accidentally wounded myself to the tune of 25 stitches over the years.
27. Working outside these last 26 years at WTS has cost me 26 yellow jacket/wasp/bumble bee stings; resulting in permanent nerve damage in my right thigh.
28. The things I've built will crumble or burn; the hearts I've touched will be my legacy.
29. Before I die, I would like to see a star-pocked sky, not just the night sky with 40-50 visible that have been typical of my urban environments.
30. Since God neither slumbers nor sleeps, I might as well rest well at night and leave the world in His most capable care.
31. The highest compliment I've ever received was that I was a Jesus-addict.
32. My blog, "Self Indulgent B.S." is my editorial comment on every other blog and the perfect justification of my own.
33. Satan, a former covering angel who thought he could defeat God, must be the stupidest being in creation.
34. Although I've never passed on my DNA, I've got sons and daughters around the world.
35. Creedence Clearwater Revival still is my favorite rock group.
36. "Old Wives' tales" are often exactly right.
37. When all is said and done, more gets said than done.
38. Someday, when a child asks, "Did those men in great grandfather's stories really live?" as occurs at the end of 'Second Hand Lions,' and is asked about me and my best friend, I hope the reply will be, "Yeah...they REALLY lived!!"
39. Women change their hair styles, men change their facial hair.
40. I wonder just how hungry was the guy who first ate shrimp.
41. If 'ignorance is bliss,' I frequently am the happiest man you know.
42. If I've learned from my mistakes, my knowledge is encyclopedic.
43. You will get ONE, maybe two, truly close friends in life; cherish and protect them!!
44. Civil War folks of renown called themselves 'instruments in the hand of God.' Was that where 'blowing your own horn' originated?
45. "Go forth and multiply" is the only command of God's that the human race has followed consistently.
46. Hoping is nice...praying works.
47. If you don't laugh at yourself...everyone else will!
48. When you're about to run your head through a stone wall, aim for the mortar joints.
49. Self-inflicted wounds do not merit a purple heart.
50. "Almost" only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and nuclear warfare.
51. The day before the Fall, Adam was a gardener. The day after, a maintenance man.
52. Pallindromically speaking, I'm always "BOB."
53. Should the cars of Congressmen and talk show hosts have bumper stickers that read, "Multiple Hot Air Bags Inside?"
54. Notice that Apostle Paul said, "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am." That means he was not for a while.
55. The easiest New Year's Resolution to keep is one I made decades ago. "I Resolve NEVER to make another New Year's Resolution."
56. If all the folks in Nigeria and elsewhere actually gave me all the money they said they would...no, I did not write back...I might be a Trillionaire.
57. What, exactly, constitutes "A Life" that some of us are supposed to "get?"
58. The biorhythm of Country Western music is the most conducive to construction work productivity.
59. When someone gives me that "look that can kill" I simply respond, "Don't look at me in that tone of voice!!"
60. I love being me!!

4:20, #611: It's Some Of What I Do,..

2011-10-22T07:47:00.008-04:00

Some of you wonder what it is I actually do. Some of you don't. Some of you don't care one way or another. All of that is fine. I just decided to do some photographic bragging this morning for all the planet to see forever and ever...

The Grey Havens is a 1917 era building that is designed to have the masonry double wall serve to insulate the place; which it doesn't when the mortar deteriorates, so my on-going project for 3 summers/early autumns has been to repair window glazing/prime/paint & remove old mortar to replace it with new lime mortar...similar to what masons in Europe have been using for a 1,000 years or more.

In any event, the before/after photos show part of the work that was a bit tangential in the whole pointing project. I know that Psalm 127:1 says, "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it." Well, since His Spirit dwells within me (Ezekiel 36:27, "And I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances") technically, I guess He's doing some hands on building at the Grey Havens through yours truly.

Got stone and mortar from the Rock of Ages?!! ;)

4:19, #610: "And You Shall Eat...

2011-10-16T09:40:00.007-04:00

...of the plants of the field; By the sweat of your face You shall eat bread, Till you return to the ground, Because from it you were taken; For you are dust, And to dust you shall return." Yep, that's what the Lord said to Adam 'back in the day,' as Genesis 3:18-19 records...yeah, Adam was a real guy and God is for real...just sayin'!! ;)
Anyway, for all my gardening FB Friends, I thought you might have an interest in the productivity of the soil near the Grey Havens here at Camp Cornelius. Others of you will just write this off as more quackery, but living 'on the Edge' for the last 31 of my 60 years has gotten me kind of use to being considered eccentric.
So, if 'you are what you eat'...I guess I resemble the larger part of this list, especially the jalapenos and raspberries that don't appear terribly popular with my local brethren/sistren:

Leaf Lettuce: 19 gallon bags
Mesclun Mix Lettuce: 4 quart bags
Radishes: Round red, 220/long white, 22
Zucchini: 4...not a good year for them
Cucumbers: 53
Summer Squash:
Yellow & Green Beans: 34 dozen
Cherry Tomatoes: 38 dozen
Cherry Tomatoes for green tomato pie: 12 dozen
Full size Tomatoes: 62
Green Tomatoes for frying: 20
Jalapenos: 6 dozen
Grapes for grape pies: 12 pounds
Wild Raspberries from fence rows: 4 pints

Well, if nothing else, I've dropped 23lbs in 6 months between the good eating, the exercise my job entails, and the benefit of SENSA as a weight control program. I guess that's how, even in the Curse, God was showing some grace as the 'sweat of your face' helps burn off unnecessary fat...
Got red meat to eat with yer jalapenos? ;)

4:18, #609: A Hunnert an' Two

2011-07-22T13:48:00.004-04:00

Yep...it's a hunnert an two outside and I'm in my basement office at a delightful sementy-four!! Today's the hunnert and fi'tieth annivers'ry of the Battle of Bull Run, alternately called First Manassas because the North and the South couldn't even agree on names for battles on occasion.

In any event, I just thought I'm lonnnnnnnnnnnggggg overdue for a post, I mentioned my blog to a guy last night, and I just am writin' to let you know I'm still here...like the line of one old bag in 'Company.'

For you gardeners: DO NOT plant sunflowers...even by mistake when one 'bean' seed turns out to be a sunflower starter...they attract yellow jackets...those nasty little stingers that don't give up until you kill them outright; which I must add, is somewhat of a solace for your's truly prior to taking an extra antihistamine and cutting some aloe plant to put on the sting.

Speaking of aloe...it's also good for poison ivy itching, ANY kind of burn from those gotten while cooking to those gotten while 'cooking' on the beach, etc. It also makes an effective stomach healant when boiled as a tea...I suggest you add some peppermint for flavor as well as its own tummy healing properties.

Well, I've actually got to get back to some work related computer stuff, so ta-ta 'til later...
Got sun screen?
Oh...can flies get through sun screens?

4:17, #608: Vikings of Thule

2011-05-08T10:38:00.005-04:00

It's been a while since I said anything on this medium...How come it's called a 'medium' instead of, say a 'well, done?' Or perhaps, through the medium, someone would actually say 'well done.' In any event, you can see from my current avatar for Vikings of Thule (a Facebook game) my work out program has been successful! ;0P

If you look into the game, 'unleashing the Viking within' and becoming one of the 39 Ruling Althingi who get to rule Thule is the goal. I wonder why getting really gaudy clothing that's supposed to make you a better Viking with powers beyond your wildest imagination is the goal? It's almost like playing Barbie and Ken with a touch of Thor thrown in. Well, it's given me the chance to meet some interesting people in the Shout part (that's what Vikings do instead of 'Chat.') Hmmm...for the Brits involved would that be like 'chatting someone up?'

I like the chance to pit wits and muscles against others...when the chance arrives to battle someone of fairly equal power. So, like why am I even posting this? Why not? I'm self indulging simply because I haven't posted anything since April AND my I.T. Elfson taught me how to use 'control/alt/print screen' the other day for business purposes so I thought I'd give it a whirl for my 'buff' picture.

Oh, if any of Y'all would be inspired to try the game, be sure to connect with me as a 'Friend' so I can steal your windfalls and you can get mine before I gather them each day!! Nothing like having a game that rewards you for swiping stuff...you'd think it was a lead it to being a politician; although, according to Wiki an Althingi is 'the national parliament of Iceland' so there is definitely a connection! ;0P

Well, that being said, got battle axe?

4:16, #607: Flour Help

2011-04-03T09:47:00.003-04:00

This was one of those email deals that sounds feasible, so I thought I'd share it:

Sounds interesting.

Once I was cooking some corn and stuck my fork in the boiling
water to see if the corn was ready. I missed and my hand went
into the boiling water....

A friend of mine, who was a Vietnam vet, came into the house, just
as I was screaming, and asked me if I had some plain old flour...I
pulled out a bag and he stuck my hand in it. He said to keep my hand
in the flour for 10 minutes; which I did. He said that in Vietnam , this guy
was on fire and in their panic, they threw a bag of flour all over him to
put the fire out...well, it not only put the fire out, but he never even had
a blister!!!!

SOOOO, long story short, I put my hand in the bag of flour for 10 mins,
pulled it out and had not even a red mark or a blister and absolutely NO
PAIN. Now, I keep a bag of flour in the fridge and every time I burn myself,
I use the flour and never ONCE have I ever had a red spot, a burn or a blister!
*cold flour feels even better than room temperature flour.

Miracle, if you ask me. Keep a bag of white flour in your fridge and you will be
happy you did. I even burnt my tongue and put the flour on it for about 10 minutes.
and the pain was gone and no burn. Try it! BTW, don't run your burn area under
Cold water first, just put it right into the flour for 10 minutes and experience a miracle.

4:15, #606: Civil War Irish

2011-03-17T07:31:00.003-04:00

Well, a Facebook ad tells me to earn my masters online so I can share my passion for the Civil War as a teacher. I've apparently got 504 folks out there who are somehow connected to me, so class, here goes...

First...let's celebrate the birthday in 1828 of that good Irishman Patrick Roynane Cleburne, known as 'The Stonewall Jackson of the West' because he was such an excellent general. Coincidentally, "a writer, speaking of the influence of religion in the Army of Tennessee, says: 'General Cleburne, the hero of many battle fields, had a place prepared for preaching in the center of his Division, where himself and many of his officers were present...were pious and devoted Christian officers, and gave much assistance to the chaplains and missionaries in the revival that swept so gloriously through the armies of the West. They recommended religion to their soldiers by precept and example.'" (1)

Second...let's celebrate St. Patrick, a guy who was a Roman, enslaved by the Irish, escaped, educated to the gospel, and returned to reach the very people who had enslaved him. The Wiki article is actually pretty good, but you could do some further digging if you want.

Third...the Irish in the Civil War. As is pointed out in that BRILLIANT exposition, God Caused the Civil War, as well as mentioned briefly in the excellent movie, 'Gods and Generals,' the Potato Famine that hit Europe as well as Ireland was responsible for sending thousands of Irish to America's shores so that their young men could enlist on BOTH sides to defend the Cause they felt worthy of defense. I just Googled "The Irish in the Am. Civil War" and got 690,000 possibles...feel free to pick one and send me a report for extra credit! ;)

Well, I hear 1/2 a ton of stone calling me that wants to be put down on The Path (to my office, not 'of righteousness'), so feel free to comment on this...attendance will not be taken, but comments are always welcome?
Got green MacDonald's milkshake?

(1) William Bennett, The Great Revival in the Southern Armies. Sprinkle Publications, Harrisonburg, Va., 1989, p. 69.

4:14, #605: Time Make Up

2011-03-07T07:22:00.002-05:00

Well, here we are at March 7. My first recommendation to all who read this is that you make sure you take a 10 minute nap for the next six days in order to prepare yourself for the one hour you're gonna lose on Sunday when you 'SPRING FORWARD' into Daylight Saving Time...Yippee!! ;p

Oh, and for all you folks who were sure that Spring is already here...it's 31 degrees here in the Philadelphia area and the wind chill must be dropping it another 10-15 degrees from the way it felt out there a few minutes ago. The poor doves that show up at our bird feeders were clustered on the Grey Havens' back porch when I went out this morning...I'm not sure which of us were more startled, but they all flew away and I'm still here...like the lady in the one song in the musical, "Company."

Oh, speaking of wind...did you ever notice how after a storm there's always a windy day to dry things off? I guess that's where we inherently get the idea for a 'wash and blow dry' for those of us who actually have hair?!

Finally, did you notice how, given the title of this post, time requires you to use makeup if you're so given. Actually, last night I saw 43 actresses' pictures on the Net 'with and without makeup'... holey guacamole, Batman!! My favorite was Helena Bonham Carter...she always seems to have that 'hair done with an egg beater look' no matter what she's doing!

Time to go...
Got your naps scheduled?

4:13, #604: Hot Dog, I'm Pregnant!!

2011-02-09T07:22:00.002-05:00

This morning I was reading Luke 1 where Zacharias gets his voice back, names his son John, and then pronounces what's known as the Benedictus. I was thinking this important speech takes a back seat to the Magnificat earlier in the chapter for some reason. So, I read Mary's words and came up with the thought that most usually gets highlighted in this speech.
HOWEVER...after Mary praises God for her divine pregnancy, she's got a lot of other important things to say. Take a look:

Luke 1:49-55, "For He who is mighty has done great things for me, And holy is His name. 50 And His mercy is on those who fear Him From generation to generation. 51 He has shown strength with His arm; He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts. 52 He has put down the mighty from their thrones, And exalted the lowly. 53 He has filled the hungry with good things, And the rich He has sent away empty. 54 He has helped His servant Israel, In remembrance of His mercy, 55 As He spoke to our fathers, To Abraham and to his seed forever."

My comments:
49: God's intrinsic nature is shown in his power and holiness.
50: His mercy extends to multiple generations in believing families.
51-52: God determines world history, just as Daniel 2:20ff says.
53: The social/political/economic structure of the world depends on His determinations.
54: Israel as a nation state/people group have been/will be part of his Game Plan.
55: God's a 'man of his word,' so to speak; which means all the Bible predicts will take place.

Sounds to me like Mary was a good Calvinist 1500 years before Old Jean shuffled onto this mortal coil. Well, I hear some paint calling me...
Got the picture?

4:12, #603: It's About Time

2011-02-05T15:12:00.002-05:00

Well, I've not posted anything here since January 22nd, so I thought this rainy Saturday afternoon would be a good time to dump more useless information onto the rest of the world and good old Google gave me a starting point:

What would happen if you lost access to your Google Account tomorrow?

Well, I'd...
...revert back to my troglodyte, pre-Google self.
...go to the Library and look things up in the encyclopedia
...maybe imprecate about the way things work, but then would realize that it was 'working together for my good' so I should just shut up and see what God has for me next
...play my computer games on my computer instead of messing around with Glory of Rome on Facebook, assuming losing my Google Account would mess up Facebook too, given that everything's connected to everything and everybody on the Internet.
...continue to drink distilled water
...continue to read a chapter of the Bible with breakfast in the morning
...continue to belch, fart, pick, scratch, spit and smoke cigars...sometimes all at the same time
...drink a nice glass of wine or have a beer occasionally with supper
...read more books
...watch movies
ORRRRRR...
Maybe open a new Google Account?

4:11, #602: Tom Got a Bum Rap

2011-01-22T10:25:00.003-05:00

I read a remark this morning from a devotional that put me to thinking. The writer's point was that Doubting Thomas missed out on the appearance of Jesus in John 20:24-5 because he was intentionally NOT at their meeting. He used this as an illustration that Christians should not forsake going to church because they could miss out on a 'blessed event' by their absence.

Well, I looked at the passage, John 20:24-25, "Now Thomas, called the Twin, one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. The other disciples therefore said to him, 'We have seen the Lord.' So he said to them, 'Unless I see in His hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe.'" Look at the way it's structured...Thomas showed up LATE...period!! It's not that he didn't show up at all! Maybe someone bumped his sundial and it was running late! Maybe his donkey had a flat foot! Maybe there was a multi-donkey pile up on one of the streets of Jerusalem, maybe at the corner of No and Where (thank you, Capt. Malcolm Reynolds of 'Serenity') and he had to stay to file an accident report!!

My point in this short rant is that guys using the Bible to make a point better make it properly or those who don't think too much of them and/or their Book will continue on in their negative thinking patterns or have them reinforced by the very ones trying to change them for the good.
Thus endeth the lesson for the day. By the way, going to church is a good idea...
Got exegesis?

4:10, #601: Roamin' Whilst Roman

2011-01-15T09:54:00.007-05:00

The Facebook game, Glory of Rome, is my current interest in strategy games. The problem is that it's geared to folks who like to build up massive armies and then go trounce some smaller fry in the less than real world that's present. My problem is I like to fight in strategy games and I frequently take on an enemy I think I can beat and learn, somewhat to my dismay that I could not. That requires going back to square #1A or B and rebuilding my entire army. I think some game developer should give us a 10 or 20% option rather than 'Win or Annihilation!'...but, hey, that's my quirk! ;p

But, I guess I'm whining here as I'm letting the game build me some buildings and some troops even as I type. I guess you could say my homemade-in-Paint Troops/Buildings logo kind of sums up my view of life, borrowed from the diary of a Civil War soldier, I forget which side, or from Eleanor of Aquitaine in the movie, "Lion In Winter," when she says, "It's 1183 and we're all barbarians!" when the subject of their all having knives arises. In the Us vs. Them world view of ALL people groups on the planet, we really ARE somebody's 'barbarians.' All you have to do is find the opposite or at least opposing view of life to that which you particularly hold and you'll figure out to whom you're the horned-helmet-wearing-smelly-sword-wielder in this life.

Speaking of horned helmet wearers...you Born Agains out there reading this are the 'barbarians' to Satan and his hordes, so aptly given voice in C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters...one of my current online reads. Paul, of Tarsus, Asia Minor and locked-up-in-a-Roman-prison fame, put it well when he said our battle is not against flesh and blood but against various levels of demonic warriors who agree wholeheartedly with their infernal Boss who 'prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." Fortunately, 'greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world' Fellow Barbarians!!
Got Whole Armor of God? If you need a visual point of reference to Paul's text in Ephesians 6:10-20, check out the Wiki photo at [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File: Roman_legion_ at_ attack.jpg]

4:9, #600: Patience

2010-12-31T11:50:00.003-05:00

I think the fact that this is post #600 shows that patience is one of those things you might actually have even when you think you don't and show it over the course of time. In fact, for all you Born Agains out there reading this here dohicky, PLEASE DON'T EVER PRAY 'FOR PATIENCE!!!' You've already GOT it as part of the Fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23, "Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control." When you say, 'Lord give me patience' the actual translation of the mental email is...'please give me one or more of those trials James 1:2-4 talks about that will make me use the patience I've already got in a way that it'll mature me in the faith!!' For all you Bible scholars who passed through Camp Cornelius at one time or another, that would be my 'dynamic equivalent' translation in the Newly Annotated Sexton Bible, should I ever get around to getting one in print among all the various English translations.

Of course, then the question arises whether or not mine would actually be 'an English translation' or would it more accurately/linguistically be considered 'an American translation,' considering we're two peoples separated by the same language...or something like that, as I recall.

I'm including the public domain picture above as yet another good example of patience...in this class by artist Spitzweg. Click on that photo and check out the incredible detail in the whole thing. I've currently got it on my desktop since I think it's cool, and I have a feeling that it might show up in Whatever Happened to Ishmael? sometime down the road, once Old Pappy Ishmael hits land. Oh, and for those of you who may have clicked on the link to WHTI? and have not told me to 'abandon ship' with my noveling, tankewberrymuch. If you've thought about it...Stifle it, Edith! as Archie Bunker was wont to say on the TV show "All In the Family."

Oh, another good use of patience is playing 'Glory of Rome' on Facebook...man, it takes time to do stuff! But, hey, that gives us addictive personality gamers a chance to multitask with another blogging opportunity while waiting for our palace to be upgraded or a report to come back from our scouts telling us we'll get our butts kicked if we try and go up against whatever region's being scouted. Hey, that reminds me...if any of you Friends want to play the game...it's somewhat of a variant of Age of Empires combined with Heroes of Might and Magic...join the game and let me know so I can offer you a cohort-ship and make you a general of your very own legion!

Well, I'm hungry in the real world, so I'm off to the Grey Havens for something that's waiting for me in the fridge that will take NO patience to eat!
Got end of the year resolutions?

4:8, #599: Snow

2010-12-26T16:10:00.003-05:00

Well, here it is, the first major snow fall of winter 2010-2011. It's shaping up to be a pip as it started out coming up the East coast with a curling motion that's turned it into a classic Nor'easter! Yippee, Skippee! By the way, the pic is from last year's 'snowicane.'

Since it's the first one, and I have the plow on the truck already and the truck down by the Grey Havens in position to begin plowing at the appropriate time, and since there is no pressure to get anything cleared away except perhaps Carriage House Hill...yes, WTSers of past days...the Student Center is now The Carriage House and Bookstore Hill is renamed, too, in my little part of the planet; SNOW is not currently a four-letter word. Get back to me towards mid-February and I might have a different opinion, but for now we're copacetic!

Speaking of that, I guess I'd better take a walk outside to change my position here at the computer where I've been composing more of What Ever Happened to Ishmael? and perhaps enjoy the joys of tobacco; which, fyi was 'created good' there in Genesis 1!!
Got a light?

4:7, #598: In Praise of Fat

2010-12-22T12:40:00.002-05:00

Back in the 80s I was talking to a guy who was a diesel truck mechanic who dressed out around 300lbs. He told the story of working on a truck with the cab tilted forward while it was snowing and the truck was broken down on the road.

He didn't realize that the fuel pump kept pumping fuel over top of him from a broken fuel line and a spark ignited the fuel; which set him on fire for a time. Someone extinguished the fire, called the paramedics, and when the guy was stabilized in the hospital, the doctors told him the excess amount of fat he had actually had protected his internal organs from burning, saving his life.

He vowed never to worry about his weight again. He pointed out that the experience 'burned like Hell' and I pointed out to him that it probably did not, exactly, and shared the gospel with him. Don't know what happened from that, but added him to my on-going Salvation List.
Guess eternity will tell the tale of what came later...

4:6, #597: Names

2010-12-20T16:11:00.004-05:00

Great, great grandmother must have had a premonition about her youngest child even while he was still floating around in the amniotic fluid of his first nine-month habitation. Our family Bible which has come down to me indicates that she was a staunch Calvinist who chose to attend a Presbyterian congregation her entire life after she had 'seen the light' as a young girl, as she was wont to say, according to the stories handed down through the years. She was also a prolific writer...which might explain from whence my proclivities come...and had carefully written comments and notes throughout the large volume she apparently read daily for more than 60 years.

There were all sorts of dates throughout the Old Book that indicate that she was in the habit of reading it from Genesis to Revelation about every 18 months or so; which is significant when we realize that Pappy Ishmael was born on the very day she read the story of Hagar's departure with her son of the same name. As I said, she believed her youngest was going to be a wild one even as she carried him, as many mothers down through the ages have anticipated behavior, both good and bad, of their yet unborn offspring. None of the relatives on either side of our clans had had the name of Ishmael and there were no financial supporters to flatter, so her choice of 'Ishmael' can only be explained by providence, fate, or perhaps the fact that she screamed the name repeatedly while pushing the baby out and prior to one of those incantations the doctor asked, "What will the child be named?"

In any event, Ishmael it was. Fortunately for him, he was born in an age when Biblical names were popular, so his 'brand' was not as heinous as that of Cain's. From what we can piece together, however, he would have adequately defended himself had the local New Yawkers of similar age chided him for his mother's choice of names under somewhat stressful circumstances. The question arises, of course, as to why great great grandfather did not alter the naming process; turns out he was thinking of the same name before the birth event and was delighted to hear his wife not only acquiesce, but advocate the name.

As William Cowper, whose works also adorned great great grandmother's shelves, so adequately wrote long before the blessed event, 'God moves in a mysterious way'...children to be born.

4:5, #596: Whatever Happened to Ismael?

2010-12-20T06:55:00.004-05:00

Queequeg's coffin had kept great grandfather Ishmael afloat. As he put it when he retold the tale to Mr. Melville, "the unharming sharks...glided by as if with padlocks on their mouths..." implying they were without appetite in the same fashion as the lions in Daniel's story told in the Old Book. He even had a bit of one-upmanship in his detail, adding that 'the savage sea-hawks sailed with sheathed beaks." Family tradition has it that great grandfather's flair for language only got more pronounced as he waxed eloquent about his adventures...frequently accompanied by hearty doses of grog or some other palatable liquid!

Well, you've possibly read that the Rachel picked great grandfather up as yet another orphan of the sea with the mostly satisfying 'Finis' as the last word of the story. It was not the last word, let me tell you. Mr. Melville recounted Ishmael's story in 1851 Anno Domini when great grandfather was still a young man in his prime, with the inevitable 'Novembers of the soul' following in the cycle of the spiritual year that all mankind encounters. Not surprisingly, given the Providence of his rescue from a Hell-bound voyage, Pappy, as he came to be known later in life, encountered many more adventures and actually lived to a ripe old age.

But more of that later...

4:4, #595: The Dickens, You Say

2010-12-18T13:14:00.004-05:00

Well, I finished A Christmas Carol a bit ago and have a few more things to say. The scene is Ebenezer and Christmas Present overhearing this conversation about Tiny Tim's church going behavior:

'As good as gold,' said Bob, 'and better. Somehow he gets thoughtful, sitting by himself so much, and thinks the strangest things you ever heard. He told me, coming home, that he hoped the people saw him in the church, because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made lame beggars walk, and blind men see.' (My italics again.)

Then, in discussing Tim's possible demise, the Spirit reminds Eb of his harsh phrase, "If they're to die, let them do so and decrease the surplus population. This response is even edited out of the 1951 version:

'Man,' said the Ghost, 'if man you be in heart, not adamant, forbear that wicked cant until you have discovered What the surplus is, and Where it is. Will you decide what men shall live, what men shall die? It may be, that in the sight of Heaven, you are more worthless and less fit to live than millions like this poor man's child. Oh God! to hear the Insect on the leaf pronouncing on the too much life among his hungry brothers in the dust.'

Finally, when Christmas Future's got him, they see the Cratchits once again, hearing just this phrase read 'from a book' by young Peter Cratchit:

'And he took a child, and set him in the midst of them.'

Where had Scrooge heard those words? He had not dreamed them. The boy must have read them out, as he and the Spirit crossed the threshold. Why did he not go on?

The answer to Dickens' narrator's question: Matthew 18:1-3, “At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven."

So, for those who aver that Dickens was only writing a social gospel story, I would contest... Avaunt, Thee, rump fed runions!! (Tip of the hat to Willie Shakespeare!)

Got hot gin punch?

4:3, #594: Unknown Dickens

2010-12-18T10:17:00.006-05:00

I'm sitting here reading A Christmas Carol online...let's hear it for technology this time...after watching the Alistair Sims' classic, 'Scrooge,' last night on the 167th anniversary of the publishing of this classic, and have discovered some things not usually made public in or about the Dickens' classic. For instance, in the first chapter when Marley confronts Ebby with the call to Christian evangelism:
'At this time of the rolling year,' the spectre said, 'I suffer most. Why did I walk through crowds of fellow-beings with my eyes turned down, and never raise them to that blessed Star which led the Wise Men to a poor abode? Were there no poor homes to which its light would have conducted me?' (My italics.)

Then, when the Ghost of Christmas Present shows up, Scrooge attacks Christian Sabbatarian behavior and is reproved thusly:
'Spirit?' said Scrooge, after a moment's thought, 'I wonder you, of all the beings in the many worlds about us, should desire to cramp these people's opportunities of innocent enjoyment.'

'I!' cried the Spirit.

'You would deprive them of their means of dining every seventh day, often the only day on which they can be said to dine at all,' said Scrooge. 'Wouldn't you?'

'I!' cried the Spirit.

'You seek to close these places on the Seventh Day,' said Scrooge. 'And it comes to the same thing.'

'I seek!' exclaimed the Spirit.

'Forgive me if I am wrong. It has been done in your name, or at least in that of your family,' said Scrooge.

'There are some upon this earth of yours,' returned the Spirit, 'who lay claim to know us, and who do their deeds of passion, pride, ill-will, hatred, envy, bigotry, and selfishness in our name, who are as strange to us and all our kith and kin, as if they had never lived. Remember that, and charge their doings on themselves, not us.'

I don't like long posts, so I'll wrap this one here.

Source:[ http://etext.virginia.edu/toc/modeng/public/DicChri.html]

4:2, #593: The Necessary

2010-12-16T06:15:00.004-05:00

Being descended from two plumbers, I seem to have a natural curiosity concerning Things Necessary...no, not the 'necessary' that Jesus talks about in Luke 10:42 which comes supernaturally, although for the last 30 years I have had that gift, too. Today it's the derivation of the various names given to the facility that we all use, indoors or out. 'The Necessary' is the name I picked up from the movie '1776.' That particular outhouse was located just down the street from Independence Hall and would have been the 18th century equivalent, I guess, of the Jiffy Johns I've used on construction sights 'back in the day;' which in my case was the 1970s.

Which brings me to 'john,' 'crapper,' and 'loo;' all of which are adequately detailed at [http://didyouknow.org/toilets/]. By the way, Google gave me 12,500,000 sites in .29 seconds for 'why the toilet is called john.' I like the idea that old Tom Crapper was a plumber, if you believe the article, even though he didn't invent it. The question then becomes, just what did a plumber do in the 18th century? Yick! ;p And those FRENCH...Mon Dieu!!

For those of you familiar with the term 'head,' well, if you look at the front end...the bow...of a square-rigged ship, down there 'a-head of the wind' that would be blowing from the stern or back end usually, was the place to recycle last night's ship board meal and grog ration! Ironically, on a lot of ships, there was a head carved into the ship as part of the decoration. I guess on land there was the outhouse, aboard ship the REALLY out house! ;p

Well, 'inner room' or 'throne room' are still my preferred nomenclatures. As I've said before, Matthew 6:6 tells us to 'go into your inner room and shut the door' even though it was written before the advent of indoor plumbing and 'pray to your Father who is in secret,' so you're essentially entering His throne room of grace by being in the head/loo/necessary/throne room. OK, that's enough...time to open up some buildings for those who get here early with a long car ride and large cup of coffee! ;)
Got prayer requests?

4:1, #592: Thoughts On Being Four

2010-12-13T08:18:00.007-05:00

Yessirree, Bob...four years ago to the day (thank you Frodo) I began this emptying of my twisted thinking onto the Internet.
Thirty years ago to the day, I started my prayer journals which now have 198,062 answers in them.
One hunnerd and forty-eight years ago to the day, great grandpappy Jacob Antes was 'supporting artillery' south of Fredericksburg as Stonewall Jackson shelled the Sixth Corps of which the 119th Pennsylvania volunteers were a part...which explains my somewhat whacked view of things if I got Post Traumatic Stress from 'being in my great grandfather's loins' on that fateful day in American History!! ;P

One of my Facebrook friends once wondered why I ask so many questions on my posts, much as a five year old would. Well, on thinking about it, I always was a precocious child, so I figure I must have started asking questions at least by four, back in 1955, that is. Sheesh, how much water has flowed under the bridge...or pontoons at Fredericksburg... since then?

OH, LOOK...I spelled it 'Facebrook'...must have been a psychological slip of the fingers as a result of crossing the Potomac that wintry day with Pappy Jake that caused the slip...it was icy cold that day, you know! BRRRRRRR!! FYI, I've also called the medium Farcebook, so the unstrategic misplacement of the letter 'r' (coincidentally the first letter in my birth certificate name) provides us with a smidge (thank you, Shannon) of humor. It also sums up my more Scrooge-like view of Facebook; which also is a smidge of why I named this blog as I did, figuring EVERYBODY'S blog was self indulgent b.s...it's just that mine's official!!

Let's see, 4 into 59 equals 14.75...I wonder if that would mean I'm only four in giant tortoise years? Well, why shouldn't we have a standard like that, given that we're often comparing ages to 'dog years?!!' At the other end of the spectrum, a mayfly lasts 30 minutes to one day, depending on the species. So, 1 day = 70 years, 59 x 365=21,535 + 14 leap years + 28 Very Merry Unbirthdays since 11/15; means I'm 21,577 years old in 'mayfly years.' Methuselah eat your heart out!!

Well, I hear some joint compound calling me...NO, not 'joint' as in Marijuana Doobie Brothers, but as in 'smear this goop on the joints of drywall to make a smooth surface to paint!!' Guess I'd better get off vacation time and get back on the clock...would that be in dog years, mayfly years, or giant tortoise years?
Got calculator?

3:97, #591: Three and Thirty

2010-12-12T11:59:00.003-05:00

Well, here it is, the end of another year on my particular calendar...this time 3 years that I've been Self Indulging and 30 that I've been tracking part of God's work in my prayer journals. Providentially as I start this entry, 'Child of God' is playing on my computer...one of my favorite anthems from days gone by in my walk along the Narrow Road. Well, here at this maybe mystical conjunction of 3s when I finished reading the Old Testament for the 23rd time and began Matthew at the time of the Christmas Season are some thoughts generated this morning:

If you doze off for a brief nap while reading the Bible, are you truly 'resting in the Lord?'

If Peter had a wife, deduced from the fact that Jesus healed his mother-in-law in Mark 1:30-34...howcome the Popes are supposed to be celibate bachelors? Oh, and what ever happened to Mrs. Saint Pete and her Mom? Did they become part of the Early Church's 'woman's auxiliary' who helped support Jesus in his three year walkabout?

When Jesus sent out the Twelve in Luke 9:1-10, how did he match them up? For years, I figured it would be Simon the Zealot with Matthew the Tax Collector just to teach them how to get along, given their opposite political views. So, I thought it through a bit this morning and came up with these combos: Simon Peter 'the stone'/Judas Iscariot 'the heart of stone,' John the Beloved/Thomas the Doubter, James son of Thunder who wanted to blast folks/Andrew Go Get Them who told people of Christ, Philip the Thick (who didn't realize Jesus and the Father are one in John 14)/Bartholomew (who is always pared up in the lists of the Apostles with Phil), & James son of Alphaeus/Thaddeus a.k.a. Judas son of James...basically because they are who are left.

This process made me wonder just who the 70 Sent Out were in Luke 10, but I don't think 70 others are mentioned by name, so I was not going to hurt my brain over this one. I guess we can find out in Heaven, if it's necessary.

Now, since it's The Noting of Jesus' Birth Season, it is significant that He was born 'on the wrong side of the tracks' in Israel....the only problem is that He was born long before the invention of railroads, so would that phrase have been valid, considering that Roman roads were full of chariot tracks? Just wondering...

When Satan took Jesus to the Temple pinnacle and to a high mountain in Matthew 4 to tempt Him, did they walk/climb or did His Infernal Majesty use some occult levitation powers to impress the One who made him in the first place? Oh, the point of that chapter, by the way, is not to answer my question, but to show Jesus' Divinity and sinlessness!!

Well, I think this is a long enough entry for the end of year #3 of Self Indulgent B.S....talk to you in Year #4!
Got questions?

3:96, #590: Inception's Dreaming

2010-12-10T06:33:00.005-05:00

Last night, we of the Grey Havens watched "Inception," the movie that's supposed to be so FABULOUS, according to critics. Well, my rule of thumb has been 'if the critics love it, I won't and if the critics hate it, I'll watch it a coupla dozen times!!' Thumbs down on this one, Gang! Here's the scoop that will spoil it for you if you haven't seen it yet and are planning so to do:

The keys are 1.) the dradle is still spinning when the movie goes black at the end, 2.) the scene where Leo D. says, 'We did grow old together' and you see two gnarly hands holding, & 3.) Ariadne was the girl in X-men who could run through walls. Let me explain...

The dradle is the token that's supposedly the way Leo is supposed to know if he's dreaming or awake. If it stops spinning, he's awake, if not, he's dreaming. At the end of the movie, even though there's a moment's hesitation, it is still spinning when they go black...IT WAS ALL A DREAM!! ;P

In the midst of all the multi-level dreaming and actually pretty decent action scenes, near the end when he is talking to his dead wife at level 4 of the dream world, he tells her they did grow old together as he promised when they married. That tipped me off to the fact that the whole movie is an old man's dream about the life he never lived, his guilt for perhaps letting the old girl commit suicide and/or his euthanasia based help he gave her, and that this was the way he was dealing with the death of his life long partner.

Not only was Ariadne the girl who could run through walls in 'X-men,' which I guess prepared her to run through various levels of dreaming, but Mal was Johnny Depp's moll in 'Public Enemies,' and Arthur was the Cobra scienterific geek in 'G.I.Joe.'...not that those pieces make any difference in the plot of the movie.

Bottom line: Old guy can't handle the death of his wife...CHICK FLICK!
Got Isaiah 46:4, "Even to your old age, I shall be the same, And even to your graying years I shall bear you! I have done it, and I shall carry you; And I shall bear you, and I shall deliver you?"

3:95, #589: Book Worm's 12 Days of Christmas

2010-12-05T11:27:00.009-05:00

I've heard various versions of 'The Twelve Days of Christmas' and decided to write one of my own, letting you bookworms get a wish list gathered:

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me The Partridge Family. Holey Moley, Andy, Amazon tells me there are at least 14 in the series!!! ;P

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me two Lonesome Doves and another Partridge Family!

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me The Three Musketeers, Two For The Dough, and The Partridge Family.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me The Four Hour Body, Three Cups of Tea, Two of Everything, and another Partridge Family!! ;p

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me THE LORD OF THE RINGS!!!...Boxed edition of course...The Rule of Four, Hull Zero Three, Tragedy at Two, and...yes, you guessed it, another Partridge Family!

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me six Keeping Ducks & Geese (you're getting them as gifts next year!), FIVE YU-ENG-LINGS!!! (to drink while reading!!)...Four so-called BIRDS, three French cookbooks, two Turkey Calls and Calling, and one more Partridge Family!

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me seven Swimsuit issues, six Domestic Geese, THE LORD OF THE RINGS!!! (in Elvish, no less), The Sign of Four, Three Amigos, Two Gentlemen of Verona, and...AGGGGHHH...IT'S THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY!!!

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me eight packs of Old Maids (the card game for when I got bored with the books), seven Wild Swans (another give away), a six pack of goose grease (guess for the seven swans a swimming to cross the English Channel!), FIVE BATHTUB RINGS!!! (how'd they keep their shape?!!), four calling cards (embossed with a bookworm), Warriors: Power of Three, Two-Way Street, and The Partridge Family... WHAT ELSE?!!

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me nine Ballroom Dancings, eight Morning Milkings, seven Swan Thieves, six Mother Goose-ez (gotta keep the meter), FIVE DECODER RINGS!!! ...four Backyard Birds, Three French Hens (yeah, there's actually a book of that name), two Snow White Turtle Doves, and yeah, I know...The Partridge Family!!

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me ten Lord of the Flies (Ebay, here I come), nine Ladies Home Journals (different issues), eight of The Untold Story of Milk, seven Swan Songs, six Duck and Goose-ez, FIVE OF SATURNS RINGS!!! (lotta gas, if you ask me!), I Am the Number Four, The Tale of Three Trees, A Tale of Two Cities, and The Partridge Family!!!

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me (I feel a psychotic episode may have sparked this unheard of gift giving, frankly)...Eleven books by John Piper, ten Lords of Flatbush,
nine Painted Ladies, eight Maids of Misfortune, seven Mastering Swimming, six goose down jackets (to keep me warm while reading outside?), FIVE LORD OF THE RINGS!!! (Director's Cut DVDs)...four The Art of Pishing: How to Attract Birds by Mimicking Their Calls (OK, so we blew the meter!!), three French Revolutions, two turtles in love (to supplement my reading hobby), and...I'm going to type it, believe it or not...The Partridge Family!!

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, Drums Along the Mohawk, eleven pipes and tobacco (for smoking outside while wearing the goose down jackets and drinking the Yuenglings), ten Lords of Finance, nine Lady Chatterlys, eight Maid of Honors, seven Swans In The World, a six pack of Yuengling, FIVE MORE YUENGLINGS!!!!!!!!!, four bird callers, three French horns, two Dove bars, AND OMG IT'S FINALLY OVER..........THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY COMPLETE COLLECTION!!!
Got time to read or shop on Ebay?

3:94, #588: Rhymers vs. Knucklers

2010-11-30T07:41:00.002-05:00

Here we are at the end of November and I'm listening to "Road Kill Christmas" as I write...just to keep me in the right frame of mind, I guess....hmmm, if you frame your mind, is that how you picture things in your head? Anyway...

When you are trying to figure how many days are in a particular month, are you a Rhymer or a Knuckler? I'm betting most of you are Rhymers who say:

Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November,
All the rest have thirty-one, excepting February,
Which has 28...when Leap Year gives it 29.

Now, you few and far between Knucklers will simply put up your hand as in the illustration above, start counting at the index finger knuckle, and note that the months falling in the 'web' between the knuckle have 30 or 28 days (excepting Leap Year, of course) while those on top of the knuckles have 31. Note, too, how it works out that July hits at the little finger knuckle and August hits back at the index finger since they're the only months consecutively 31-counters!

My point? Hey, it's that 30th day of November!!
Got brain storm of your own?!!

3:93, #587: Captain Bob and Jonah

2010-11-28T15:33:00.003-05:00

This morning I read the book of Jonah with my beige flaky cereal while at the same time in my life I'm reading Moby Dick...howzzat for providential coincidence?!! Anyway, didja ever wonder what happened to the guys in the boat after they chucked Jonah into Davey Jones' locker? The Bible says in Jonah 1:15-16, "So they picked up Jonah, threw him into the sea, and the sea stopped its raging. Then the men feared the LORD greatly, and they offered a sacrifice to the LORD and made vows."

This 'feared the LORD greatly'...was it only 'scared witless' or 'scared witless and reverently in awe of' the Lord? In their Old Testament way, it looks to me that they may very well have had a viable 'conversion experience' which resulted in the sacrifice and vows. Granted, they may simply have just been doing obeisance to placate and show a tip of the hat to one more god in the panoply of their polytheistic world, but what, exactly did they 'vow?' It just could be that they vowed to follow only the Living and True God of Jonah who had made the earth and the seas.

Think of it, that could possibly mean they sailed on to Tarshish and did some personal evangelism akin to what the woman at the well did when she went back to her town in John 4 of the New Testament; which, of course would have the twin results of converting some and hardening the rest, based on God's election of the Tarshishians!! After all, the original reason Jonah was ship-bound for Tarshish was that he didn't want to evangelize the pagans in Nineveh; which he knew would work to their repenting and becoming true believers even though they were UNCIRCUMCISED GENTILES... what's the original Hebrew for 'yick?!!' ;p

Well, this is another one of those Bob Wonders deals that will have to be answered on the 'other side of the river as we sit under the shade of the trees'...like, was the Captain's name 'Bob?'
I wonder...

3:92, #586: Thankful Thoughts

2010-11-25T07:12:00.004-05:00

I earlier posted on Facebook that I'm thankful for flush toilets, space heaters, and the fact that God created the guys who invented all the stuff we take for granted. Since today is Thanksgiving, I thought I'd express a few more Thankful Thoughts:

I'm glad our nostrils don't point up...think of the trouble we'd have during heavy rains with water getting up our noses! :P

I'm glad humans can flatulate, unlike rodents which will internally explode if they drink carbonated beverages...think of the impact this would have on the soda and beer, not to mention Alka Seltzer, industries!! Think of all the fun that would not have occurred down through millenia as guys burned off their self-produced methane gas in twisted male sports contests!! ;P

Music and all its permutations is another big item on my Thanks List. Even though I appreciate silence every once in a while, cranking good tunes is part of why we were made in the image of God...to 'make a joyful NOISE unto the Lord!!'

I'm also thankful for the creative way the Lord used a rib back in Eden, with all its subsequent varieties down through the years...'Nuff Said!

To counter balance the above...I'm also glad guys are like we are, prototyped from the Original Dirtball, with all those permutations available to us!!

Well, this could go on, but brevity is the soul of wit, so I guess that makes long winded writers and talkers witless?
Got Thank Thoughts of your own??

3:91, #585: Books I'd Recommend

2010-11-21T07:24:00.006-05:00

I've just looked over the list of the BBC Top 100 books list again from a friend's Facebook account and am convinced whoever compiled the list was one of the 'effete intellectual snobs' now-dead V.P. Spiro T. Agnew might have accosted with that phrase during Nixon's Administration. I tallied 28 books & another 10 from movies watched. Well, here are some books/short stories/poems I have read (pronounced 'red' not 'reed' for you American-Is-My-Second-Language Folks) which I would actually suggest you read ...no particular order after #1:

1. The Bible (22 times through it so far), One Author, several writers
2. Lord of the Rings (7 reads on this one), J.R.R.Tolkien (28 times on the movie!)
3. Shakespeare: Hamlet, MacBeth, Othello, Henry V, Midsummer's Night Dream, Much Ado About Nothing...all the rest as you feel up to it! ;) (Ken Branaugh does excellent versions)
4. Sherlock Holmes: All of them, Arthur Conan Doyle (Robert Downey's the man!)
5. Poe's 'Raven,' 'Tell Tale Heart,' 'Pit and the Pendulum,' "Masque of the Red Death,' & 'A Cask of Amontillado.'
6. Journey to the Center of the Earth, Jules Verne (James Mason beats Brendan Frazier)
7. Moby Dick, Herman Melville (Greg Peck/Richard Baseheart version)
8. Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, William Shirer
9. Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, Edward Gibbon
10. Quo Vadis, Henryk Sienkiewicz
11. Ben Hur: A Tale of the Christ, Union General Lew Wallace (You go, Chuck Heston!!)
12. Robinson Crusoe (unabridged with a gospel presentation), Daniel Defoe
13. Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury
14. Horatio Hornblower series, C.S. Forester
15. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
16. 'Gunga Din,' Rudyard Kipling (1939 RKO flick with Cary Grant/Victor McGlaughlin/Sam Jaffee)
17. Treasure Island, Robert Lewis Stevenson (1950 version)
18. Battle Cry of Freedom, James M. McPherson
19. Band of Brothers, Stephen E. Ambrose (see the HBO series, too!!)
20. Les Miserables, Victor Hugo (Les Mis 10th anniversary concert's a gas!!)
21. Lord of the Flies, William Golding
22. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Robert Pirsig
23. A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
24. The Three Musketeers, Alexandre Dumas (Charley Sheen et al on dvd)
25. Tom Sawyer, Mark Twain
26. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain
27. Pilgrim's Progress, John Bunyan
28. Watership Down, Richard Adams
29. Gulliver's Travels, Jonathan Swift
30. The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne
31. The Crucible, Henry Miller
32. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll (Supplement with Depp movie)
33. Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, Robert Lewis Stevenson (see 'League of Extraordinary Gentlemen')
34. Wise Blood, Flannery O'Conner
35. To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee (Greg Peck movie with Robert Duvall as Boo Radley!)
36. All Quiet On the Western Front, Erich Maria Remarque
37. Best Short Stories, O. Henry
38. The Sound and the Fury, William Faulkner
39. Dead Souls, Nikolai Gogol
40. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Jules Verne
41. God Caused the Civil War, Bob Sexton (Westminster ILL or get your own copy via email)

Got easy chair and coffee?

3:90, #584: Dirt Doodles

2010-11-19T07:02:00.005-05:00

This week I've been reading part of John 8 in John MacArthur's Daily Readings from the Life of Christ, volume 2 (good devotional, by the way, for those of you looking for one) where Jesus stooped down and wrote something in the dirt while being confronted by Pharisees with an adulteress. Did you ever wonder what He wrote? One Christian comedian posited that it was the name of their buddy who was not dragged before Jesus, considering that 'she was caught in the act.' In any event, it got me thinking on how dirt is important to God.

Way back in Genesis 1 He took some dirt of the ground and made Adam; hence, my Bobism that my gender was prototyped by the Original Dirtball; explaining our behavior on more than one occasion. And, since we came from dirt we end up 'dust to dust' as Genesis 3:19 indicates, quoted in funerals down through the ages.

Then I recalled that in Exodus 8:16ff (OK, so I looked up the verses...so sue me!) Moses is to strike the dust of the earth so it becomes gnats as a plague on all of Egypt. Guess you could say that was some dirty business?! ;p

There's also the time In John 9:6 that Jesus healed the blind guy by taking dirt, spitting on it, smearing the mud on the guy's eyes, and then commanding him to wash it off for his blindness to be healed. Voila! He once was blind, but now he sees! (Tip of the hat to John Newton for 'Amazing Grace,' my favorite hymn.)

Then there's the home-schooling Mom's nightmare verse: Mark 7:1-2, "And the Pharisees and some of the scribes gathered together around Him when they had come from Jerusalem, and had seen that some of His disciples were eating their bread with impure hands, that is, unwashed." Jesus basically said washing the outside really didn't matter, but cleansing the inside of the human spirit was essential, since that's where evil originated to defile someone. Sooo... we probably won't be seeing this particular verse on the 'Memory Verse of the Week' Calendar very soon! ;p

Well, before this goes too far, this dirt person's going to sign off...but not go play with my toy cars in the dirt like I used to as a kid!! Now I use a John Deere instead!!
Got 'good dirt?'

3:89, #583: Fifty-nine Bob

2010-11-15T15:18:00.005-05:00

Well, here it is 3:19pm, and I'm 13,426 days and 4 minutes old!! Yessirree, Bob...according to Mom years ago, it was one great pain, pushed out while yelling on the way, and the world's been dealing with me ever since...at least in my immediate vicinity. This calls for a celebration, if you're into that sort of thing; which I am in somewhat of an understated way.

Food, of course, always plays a role in the process as an already/not yet reflection of the Marriage Feast of the Lamb, so tonight is steak, baked yams, some veggie no doubt, and Dos Equis from the fridge!! AND...cherry pie/chocolate cake/caramel-drizzled apple crumb pie as the dessert offerings to top off the aforesaid blessings...with some good Boca Java coffee to wash it down.

So, what have I learned in 59 years? Let's see...

1) Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life; nobody gets to Heaven without Him...it's that simple!
2) To quote a country/western song, "God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy."
3) Things that really matter are not really things...they're people who you can usually trust, knowing full well that occasionally they'll let you down.
4) Rule #1 for the use of a sharp knife is 'Don't cut toward yourself.' Rule #2 for most carpenters is 'Ignore Rule #1!"
5) As a result of 4), always know someone who is good at stitching you up! ;p
6) When in doubt...DON'T!!!
7) I could go on and on, but that's already been done in the Bob-isms of my Self Indulgent B.S., now, hasn't it?!!
So, without further ado...just exactly what IS an 'ado?'
Got aging milestones?

3:88, #582: PUN-ishments

2010-11-12T07:05:00.002-05:00

For some people, it makes perfect linguistic sense that 'pun' is the beginning of 'punishment.' :p I, on the other hand, relish them as condiments to the language buffet. Without further Ado About Nothing...
Do the French have Gaul bladders?
Are German livers wurst?
Do the English ale?
Does a Swiss Miss serve Danish at breakfast with hot chocolate?
Do communists only drink Red wine?
Did the Bolsheviks' enemies only drink White Russians?
In the War of the Roses, did Lancastrians only drink red wine and Yorkies white?
Is there a difference between California and European whines?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If skunks had a college,
They'd call it P.U.!!

Got Pepto Abysmal?

3:87, #581: Sermon Nuggets I've Not Heard

2010-11-07T08:39:00.006-05:00

Today I was reading Daniel 2-3 (note the public domain pic of Old Nebuchadnezzar) with my Quaker Instant Oatmeal and thought about some nuggets I'd like to see mentioned in sermons....that was at 7:30am E.S.T....known as "God's Time" to members of my family's earlier generations! ;) Anyhow...

One missionary family I know in Haiti asks that we pray for patience for folks rebuilding their lives. Well, for Christians, patience is part of the fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23, so we don't really need to ask for it; we've already got it. What folks who 'pray for patience' are REALLY requesting are the trials James 1:2-5 talks about as being something to be received joyfully. SO... when you 'pray for patience' you might ask something like, "Hit me with a hammer, Lord!" ;p

Also, getting back to Daniel. Have you ever noticed that three Jewish guys (that would be Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah of Fiery Furnace fame) end up running Babylon Province as a result of their stand for their faith AND Old Danny Boy gets to be third ruler of the Babylonian Kingdom after he tells Belshazzar his number's up...that very night!! Since Babylon is talked about so negatively throughout the Bible, just what exact influence on the place did those four guys have in God's Providence?!!

That got me thinking about Joseph of Genesis fame (the Bible book, not the singing group). He, as a Jewish guy, after he interpreted Pharaoh's Seven Fat/Seven Lean Years dream, was elevated to run the Egyptian empire and actually set up the political machinery that enslaved his own people for the next 400+ years! What an ironic twist of God's Providence...HA! you thought I'd write 'Fate'...that turned out so that God could be glorified down the road by trashing Egypt and engineering The Exodus!

My last thought for this post has to do with The Word in Hebrews 4:12-13, "For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do." Didja notice that 'the word of God' is NOT referring to the written word in the Bible, but to the Lord Jesus, based on the follow up sentence in vs. 13?!! I wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard teachers/preachers use 4:12 to illustrate the efficacy of Scripture in breaking hearts! Would all 3 of you reading this please start getting it right?!! But I rant...

Speaking of breaking hearts...I get a little weary of hearing Christians ask that I pray for 'God to soften hearts' of non-Christians to get them converted. He's in the stone heart SMASHING business, not the softening line of work! Check out Ezekiel 36:26, 27 or Jeremiah 23:29 as examples of this rant of mine...

Well, thus endeth the lesson for the day.
Got Amazing Grace as the next hymn?

3:86, #580: Wonder Filled Friday

2010-11-05T07:33:00.007-04:00

My brain's REALLY on overdrive this morning and I feel like a vacation day coming on; which is better than feeling like a cold coming on. But then, that makes me wonder if any of us have ever felt a cold going off...the linguistically logical opposite of the usual saying? And would that 'going off' be a gradual fading into the sunset or a mighty Big Bang Explosion? Well, Nevermind...a place I visit like Never Land...here goes with "Don't Stop" cranking down here in Stonewalled Charismatic Presbyterian Church!!

I WONDER:

1.) Have any of you ever actually READ the lyrics to "Don't Stop," that great, upbeat music by Fleetwood Mac?!! IT'S A STINKING DEAR-JOHN-CAN'T-WE-JUST-BE-FRIENDS letter written by Christine McVie!!!!!! Go ahead, check it out at [http://www.lyricsfreak.com/f/fleetwood+mac/dont+stop_20054276.html]...My favorite lines are, "If your life was bad to you, just think what tomorrow will do." Well, OK...it sucked then, it'll probably suck tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow as it creeps in its petty pace...a tale told by an idiot to rock and roll music!! (Tip of the hat and semi-apologies to Willy Shakespeare) The only people who can take these lyrics joyfully are them thar Born Agains who KNOW for absolute certain that 'tomorrow will take care of itself' because 'God CAUSES ALL things to work together for [their] good' and HEAVEN is on the other side of these years' vale of tears!!! "Dontcha Look Back" IS, however, good advice to you BACs, based on the fact that you're now perfect in Christ and the indwelling Spirit can clean up the crap that's STILL part of your personality!! OOORAH!!!

2.) Since there's a Ma-gog and a Gog mentioned in Ezekiel (yesterday's read whilst awaiting my buddy's surgery outcome), was there a Pa-gog to help Ma-gog create Gog? Were they drinking grog? Or was Grog from the 'B.C.' comic strip a distant cousin? Was Hamon-gog the previous incarnation to Hamon-rye? With Swiss? Before or after invading Israel for some Kosher dills to go with that deli delight?!!

3.) If any of you Old Testament scholars...WITHOUT TURNING TO DANIEL CHAPTER 1... can tell me the Jewish names of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego? OR...what was Old Danny Boy's pagan nom de plume? And does 'nom de plume' only count as true if you write with a quill pen?

4.) Why BACs who get told 'not to judge others'...i.e., don't hold anyone accountable for their sin... based on Matthew 7:1 by either fellow BACs or non-BACs ever point out, winsomely of course, that we are COMMANDED to 'judge righteously' in John 7:21-24 AND Matthew 7:15-16 tells us to 'beware of false prophets' and 'you will know them by their fruit;' which means you have to have a standard, measure them against it, and then JUDGE how they measure up WITHOUT being judgmental...check out Galatians 6:1-2 for the logical followup?!!

5.) If all those slices of Wonder Bread I ate as a kid are the reason I wonder so much? Oh, and in answer to "I wonder, wonder who ba-doo-oouu, who wrote the Book of Love?"...God, did, of course...not that stupid one the Monotones sang about back in 1958 (the year I started collecting baseball cards)...but the REAL one known as the Bible!!

6.) Speaking of bread...I REALLY wonder how 'Bimbo'...pronounced 'Beembo'...Bread can have the chutzpah to prostitute the word like that...pun obviously intended? Of course, maybe Hamon-rye with Swiss on Bimbo (pronounce it properly!!) with a Kosher dill would make a delightful lunch...washed down with that delicious beer made by those 'Chinese brothers' Mr. Yueng and Mr. Ling?
Got table for two?

3:85, #579: John Bell Hood Apology

2010-11-02T08:44:00.004-04:00

Well, as a distant relative of the noted Confederate General told me by email back on September 23... didn't get to respond to him until today because I completely FORGOT I had a gmail account...it was not KNOWN that John Bell Hood used laudanum, as I mistakenly stated in my post 3:74, #568: Chickamauga. In fact, based on the Blue & Gray Magazine article of 1998 by Steve Davis that I've now seen, the statements of many historians and 'sources' regarding Hood's laudanum use are merely conjectures. Apparently nobody every actually saw General Hood dosing with the opiate.
SO...I APOLIGIZE for being the unwary repeater of just one more unsubstantiated Civil War rumor. I would also like to say that General Hood, like many other Civil War participants North and South, showed great fortitude in dealing with extremely difficult circumstances, both during the conflict and for the rest of his life as a result of being in the War. Given the fact that he was an Evangelical Christian..."During the War Generals Ewell, Pender, Hood...professed faith in Christ"(1)... somehow all the circumstances he encountered "worked together for his good" as Romans 8:28 declares.
And now, I can declare to anyone reading this article that General John Bell Hood is rejoicing in the presence of the Lord as are all the saints of all the ages who have professed faith in Jesus!! I'm actually looking forward to 'crossing the river to rest under the shade of the trees' so I can, hopefully, talk with guys like General Hood in between courses of the Marriage Feast of the Lamb!!
Got an 'amen'?!!

Source: J. William Jones, Christ In the Camp, Sprinkle Publications, Harrisonburg, Va., 1986, pg. 42.

3:84, #578: Things Thirteen

2010-10-27T10:46:00.003-04:00

Today's A.D.D. post is brought to you by the assignment given Anonymous Man's little girl: report on Millard Fillmore. Turns out, now that I've Googled a bunch of stuff on a rainy day vacation spurt, that Old Millard was Thirteenth President of the U.S. (as the 1938 commemorative stamp indicates). I actually remember this whole series of stamps from my childhood (first one, that is) because I had a collection at the time. But, did you know:

The 13th President only got the job because Zach Taylor died of gastroenteritis in the middle of his term? Did you care? Hmmmm....
Interesting to me is the fact that Numero 13 Prez supported the Compromise of 1850 that was supposed to calm the country down regarding slavery but which really helped stoke the fires of secession over the next 10 years. So, President #13 could be said to have laid the groundwork for the American Civil War that eventually led to the Thirteenth Amendment which abolished slavery and indentured servitude!! I wonder if being #13 was considered to be unlucky at the time?

Also, with a first name of Millard and a body shape tending toward the portly, I wonder if he had to endure the nasty nickname among close associates and/or enemies of 'Lard?' When his Whig Party folded after his partial term as President, Milly ran on the American Native Party tab... also know to us history buffs as the No-Nothings. Bet he'd be a viable candidate these days! Maybe with the way politics is going, we could get another No Nothing Party and have Schultz from 'Hogan's Heroes' be the mascot with a video clip where he gives his classic line, "I NO NOTHING!"

Just out of curiosity, I Googled '13-cent stamps.' At this counting, there were 19 printed at various times; which makes me wonder, of course, if people afraid of the number 13 managed to put different stamps on their envelopes or if they simply did not mail anything back in those days when that was the cost of a letter?

Speaking of fear of 13...howcome folks only fear Friday the 13th? Yeah, I know...Good Friday, 13 Apostles, Crucifixion, etcetera...But why not simply extend that to Any Day the 13th? Seems to me if you're going to be phobic, BE PHOBIC!!

Oh, and is it significant that puberty with all its down sides comes to us roughly at age 13? Would it be extra unlucky to have 13 candles on your birthday cake at that age?

Should cigarettes come in packs of 13 these days, given all the Surgeon General's warnings and regulations of them?

Well, before I try to stretch this to 13 paragraphs...
Got 12 friends to evite to dinner?

3:83, #577: Moby Dick

2010-10-24T15:30:00.008-04:00

Gil Grissom of CSI fame tells Sarah Sidle, his co-worker paramour at the end of one show at the end of one of the seasons that he'd like to know that he was dying, say of cancer, and that he'd like to have the chance to 'read Moby Dick again.' Well, I was somewhere in my teens lo these many decades ago when I read it...for fun, I think, not as an English assignment...but now that so much water has washed over the New Bedford shores, I really can't say with any discernment or certainty when exactly.

In any event, I was thinking of suggesting that my 'kids' get me a copy of it for my birthday so I could read it again, but came to the conclusion I'd better read it online first to see if I still would find it interesting. Well, I'm posting this because I'm already six chapters into it and Queequeg once again is my favorite character!!...Maybe I was a head hunting, harpoon throwing savage (well, I did play lacrosse defense man in this real life) in one of my former incarnations?!! In any event, I can already see that I'm going to get into this Whale's Tale yet not play Whale's Tails...if you get my drift...of Queequeg's coffin, so to speak.

It's especially appropriate that one of the characters is Peter Coffin, given the surname of one of the occupants of Grey Havens; which, now that I think of it could be a great name for a New England whalers' tavern in the 19th century where I might have been a ship's carpenter awaiting sailing orders on the Pequod in yet another one of my not-so-storied-incarnations; at least in my mind, as Eddie Izzard would say!

Oh, yeah, since it's time again for the World Series, the baseball connection to Moby Dick is the interaction between Jake Taylor and Lynn Wells over Queequeg's coffin...get the movie if you don't know that to which I refer!! ;p

Maybe I'll have to think about going a'whaling to at least spot the spermers if not hunt them, given the dearth of need for whale oil these days and the fact that Star Trek IV I think it is, reminds us that eliminating whales was going to get the planet eliminated, too. Besides, PETA and a bunch of others would not permit hunting whales any more any way. It would give me a good way to use up some of my vacation days...unless, of course I decide to take a Civil War Battlefields Trip starting at Fredericksburg! Fredericksburg! Fredericksburg!
Got harpoon, coffin, so you can march to the sound of gunfire?!!

3:82, #576: Smoke Gets In My Brain

2010-10-23T07:05:00.004-04:00

This morning around 3:30am I came across the notion in my mind while shuffling through some of the paperwork kept there and wondered if fire fighters use smoke screens on their windows to keep out fire flies? I'm not sure wherein lies the genesis of the rest of this, but that never bothered me before, so why should it now?

Speaking of smoking...those anti-smoking-save-your-health-so-you-can-shrivel up-and-croak-at-95 folks...have forgotten something. Cigar smoke and pipe smoke, not so much that of cigareetes, I'll admit...are aroma therapy for those of us graciously gifted to be wise enough to realize it!! And for those of you who doubt my epiphany, here's AromaWeb's definition: "...the practice of using volatile plant oils, including essential oils, for psychological and physical well being." To quote the King in 'Amadeus,' "Well, there it is!" We ceegah smokers simply set the essential oils free with FIRE!! (Do you Old Heads hear music from the band Crazy World of Arthur Brown?!!)

I've often said, only with my tongue partially in my cheek, that the 'smoke of God's glory' that drove old Moses out of the Tabernacle was the Lord puffing on a good stogie!! So all you O.T. scholars prove me wrong!! ;p And by the way, do you realize how hard it is to talk properly with your tongue in your cheek?

I just got back from deporting squirrel #13 from Camp Cornelius...second one this morning...so in sports terminology 'I'm smoking them!'

Well, that's it for now...
If you got 'em, smoke 'em! --Elliot Ness, The Untouchables

3:81, #575: Doing Nothing

2010-10-19T12:22:00.002-04:00

Have you ever sat still 'doing nothing' and thought about just how much you're actually doing during that 'down time?'
Breathing
Heart beating
Eyelids blinking
Blood flowing
Bladder filling
Brain synapses firing
Shaking your feet for some of us
Tapping your fingers for others
Sweating
Getting the chills and making little skin bumps
Growing hair
Hearing
And the ever popular thinking...
Got time?

3:80, #574: Ode to Other Birds

2010-10-16T06:40:00.005-04:00

Well, I sort of warned you that I'd be continuing my tip of the hat to John Keats with two more odes based on his set of five, so here goes #4:

Ben Franklin-like, I rise early and oft retire the same,
I've never heard the nightingale her late night song proclaim.
I, opposed to Keats, do not bemoan my age or solitude,
But choose to write some lines you might think daft or mayhaps crude.

The pictures Heaven often sends through various types of birds,
Reflect the state of mankind's souls in all our various herds.
The first that comes to mind without much fuss or hurry
Is the Mount-spawned Sermon's sparrow wise, that trusts and does not worry.

Grey Havens is the name bestowed upon my current stone abode,
Where other birds than nightingale flock by providential code.
Where sparrow, wren, nuthatch and dove as well as chickadee
Can eat a meal and take a bath, instructing watchers without fee.

Like Jesus' illustrators, they've learned to anticipate
Feedings at set intervals, an expected daily rate.
They'll often hop close to their "Pop," our Francis of Assisi,
As much to say, "It's time today to drop a sugar cookie."

Our red tailed hawk, enjoys a gawk sitting on sassafras limb
At little birds that look like meals...at least they do to him.
He'll swoop and snatch at sparrows who assuredly will fall
According to God's perfect plan that covers one and all.

Your life no less than all these birds' is written in His book,
It's even grace when at future pages you're not allowed to look.
The little guys do hop and peck, take flight and tell a story.
If Bach were from New Jersey now, he'd write, "YO...sola Deo glory!!"

3:79, #573: Phobias

2010-10-05T13:43:00.005-04:00

I came across yet another intellectually stimulating website today as I'm down once again with some sinus problems compounded by aching bones from a condition that 'back in the day' was called The Grippe...rightly or wrongly. In any event given my twisted view of things, here are some pertinent impertinent comments and a couple of public domain pictures:

Agoraphobia is the fear of open spaces, of being in crowded public places, or leaving a safe place. With a slight change, A-Gore-aphobia could be the fear that Al Gore is going to invent something else or possibly make another movie or you could be in an open space that becomes a crowded public place with him after leaving a safe place!! ;p

If arachnophobia is the fear of spiders, would webheadaphobia be the fear of Spider Man?

As I asked on Facebook earlier today, ataxiophobia...the fear of muscular incoordination...has always been called a teenager's first date, hasn't it?!!

Ablutophobia...the fear of washing or bathing...obviously stems from 'ablutions,' but A-Bluto-phobia would be the fear of some big fat hairy guy Popeye always beat up on, would it not?

Agateophobia...the fear of insanity...has a counterpart in lyssophobia...the fear of going insane; which if you dwell on too much will send you there or make you a writer along the lines of Edgar Allan Poe and his 'Tell Tale Heart.' Of course, once you went insane, you'd be in such a condition that the good news would be that you no longer feared getting OR being there...silver lining to a darkening cloud, I say!!

Just think, I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of available fears!
Got fear of what might come next?

3:78, #572: Bob's Wondering Away

2010-09-30T06:54:00.005-04:00

My brain's on overdrive this morning; especially since I'm cranking on "It Happens" by Sugarland!! Here's what I wonder:

If humans go 'boo hoo' when we cry, do cows go 'moo hoo?!!'

Have YOU ever actually cried by saying 'boo hoo' or have you ever in all your born (or even your unborn) days heard someone else actually cry 'boo hoo?'

For that matter, as Eddie Izzard points out, have you ever actually slipped on a banana peel? Have you ever seen someone actually slip on a banana peel? Have you ever seen documentation of someone slipping on a banana peel...even on You Tube? (That would have been contrived, no doubt, so IT DON'T COUNT!!)

Why do we stick our lips out in an exaggerated kiss shape when we're shaking our booty to some cranking tunes we enjoy??

Will the Christian whiners (whingers, if you're of Brit extraction) be really ticked off in Heaven when there's nothing to whine/whinge about? Oh, I forgot, they'll be perfect too...MY BAD!! TRUE THAT? DUUUUUUUUDE!!!!

Got any wonders of yer own??

3:77, #571: Ode to Melancholy Babies

2010-09-27T06:41:00.008-04:00

While sitting in a tub of stress and tension salts,
I mused on Melancholy and other human faults,
No raven black came rapping, tapping on my chamber door,
A-quothing and a-croaking, "Never, Nevermore!"

But, thought I...Keats and Poe were rather quite neurotic.
The darkness in their souls gave thoughts that neared psychotic.
A Mideast Carpenter once implied, while speaking of 'the eye,'
When 'bad' its darkness overwhelms the soul which cannot die.

John and Edgar embraced the darkness in the soul.
They walked Vader's 'dark side,' never able to be whole.
Night's Plutonian shore they walked, enslaved to human evil.
Satan bored into their lives as to cotton thrusts the weevil.

Poe wrote that Gilead contained no healing balm,
"An artist must serve Mammon," Keats said without a qualm.
Said Carpenter has made the Way by offering His best.
"Come to Me, you heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

Sources:
Poe: "The Raven"
Keats: Letter to Percy B. Shelley, 8/16/1820
Photos: Wikipedia common domain

3:76, #570: Owed to Indolence

2010-09-25T08:02:00.004-04:00

Well, I'd have gotten around to writing this parody on Keat's Ode to Indolence, but I was too busy doing the work I so thoroughly enjoy here at Camp Cornelius! ;p In reality, I 'rest hard' in my attempt at indolence, usually smoking a good ceegah whilst contemplating my next literary outrage. Here's the result this time around:

Here I sit before computer screen with widening hips,
My brain transferring thoughts through active finger tips.
While Keats mused about Love, Ambition, and Poesy,
My Muses would be Blogs, Facebook, and Plain Lazy.

Here I sit, a sad misfit, with not a whit of...well, wit.
Poesy has sailed, Love has failed, and Ambition has bailed.
My Facebook friends make no amends...I think I've got the bends.
They wonder why, someone like I should search the sky for reasons 'WHY?'

But then, again, every now and then, I think...
Can I really be indolent if I'm writing this stupid poem?

3:75, #569: Ode on a Home D Pail

2010-09-22T07:56:00.008-04:00

Yesterday I wondered why we don't have a Five Gallon Bucket Day to show the respect we have for one of the most versatile items in the construction worker's world next to Duct Tape. It dawned on me that, if John Keats can get famous writing 'Ode on a Grecian Urn' and four other odes, I can create a poem to Homer Paint Bucket, so here goes:

Forsooth, oh bright hued plastic pail,
Of orange made with stamped detail,
Borrowed name of Greek renown,
Your Odyssey is o'er all the town.

Had Agamemnon's fleet met gale,
Whilst approaching Troy for to assail,
Iliad's lines your name would hale,
As Achilles screamed, "Myrmidons, Bail!!"

Like Gunga Din of Kipling fame,
You carry water without shame,
Your 'lazarushun' plastic hide,
Holds rigid when kicked, covered, or tied.

Inverted, you become a seat,
On which your owner can justly meet
The needs of working sitting down
As earlier said o'er all the town.

Before this ode gets overdrawn,
And blog enthusiasts start to yawn,
I'll wrap this up with this to say,
"Got Homer's Bucket for today?!!"

3:74, #568: Chickamauga

2010-09-19T11:23:00.006-04:00

Yesterday I caught up with my lack of attention for three years on the Battle of Antietam, the bloodiest one day in American history in general as well as the bloodiest one day battle of the Civil War. Today marks the 147th anniversary of the Battle of Chickamauga, Georgia in 1863, the bloodiest two day battle of the American Civil War.

If you want to find out the 'usual' approach to this particular battle, there are several excellent histories of the battle, including the Official Reports at [http://www.civilwarhome.com/chickama.htm] as well as books by Steven E. Woodworth, Six Armies in Tennessee, The Chickamauga and Chattanooga Campaigns and Freeman Cleaves' Rock of Chickamauga: The Life of General George H. Thomas. The Wiki article I just read suggests Peter Cozzens' book This Terrible Sound: The Battle of Chickamauga is excellent, though I've not read it. If you want to find out the unusual approach, keep reading.

It turns out that just at the moment the Confederates were about to take advantage of the gap in the Union line that Rosecrans mistakenly created, yellow jackets started stinging the Rebs and their officer's horses, making chaos the order of the hour and continuing their advance impossible. Gee, I guess the Lord used yellow jackets in Georgia much in the way He used hornets in Canaan when he drove the Canaanites out on behalf of Israel. Oh, my source is Bromfield L. Ridley, Battles and Sketches of the Army of Tennessee. He put it, "Added to the horror of the galling fire, the generals and staffs encountered a number of yellow jackets' nests and the kicking of the horses and their ungovernable actions came close to breaking up one of the lines. Blue jackets in front of us, yellow jackets upon us, and death missiles around and about us--oh, the fury of the battle, the fierceness of the struggle over Carnes' battery!!" (pg. 220)

One other important 'out of the way fact': General John Bell Hood lost his left leg to a minie ball at Chickamauga just two months after he lost the use of an arm at Gettysburg. As a result of these injuries, he was know to use laudanum to help manage his pain throughout the rest of the War; which many historians feel clouded his judgment in several following battles and helped destroy the Army of Tennessee in the battles of Franklin and Nashville after Hood took over command July 17, 1864.

The last oddball info piece: General A. P. Stewart who led the charge at Chickamauga, Bromfield Ridley who was part of his staff there, and John Bell Hood were all evangelical Christians who played integral roles in the conflict when God Caused the Civil War.
Notice how I got a plug in for my book again?!! ;p

3:73, #567: Antietam

2010-09-18T14:27:00.006-04:00

I can't believe that up to this point in Self Indulgent Civil War History I haven't made a post for the Battle of Antietam, the bloodiest day in American history, including the destruction of the Twin Towers in New York! Today is the 148th anniversary of when General Lee headed back South when he received the first defeat at the hands of the Yanks in his career after he had decided to invade the North in order to scare the Yankees into letting the Rebels walk away from the nation their forefathers had helped found, if he could not 'whup' them into capitulation.

On September 17, 1862 General Lee had a decently fortified position that led to the Battle of Sharpsburg, Maryland, known in the North as the Battle of Antietam (named after the local creek)...General Daniel Harvey Hill thought it humorous that the North and South couldn't even agree on the names of several of the battles, with the agrarian South naming the battles after the closest town and the industrial North naming them after the closest body of water. For instance, the Battle of Murfreesboro was Stone's River, First Manassas was Bull Run, Sharpsburg was Antietam, Oaks Hill, Missouri became Wilson's Creek, Shiloh, Tennessee was Pittsburgh Landing to the Yanks and the Battle of Gaines Mill was Chickahominy River.

You'll notice the dead bodies photographed in front of a little structure known as The Dunker Church due to the fact that the small congregation of pacifists worshiped the One who said He 'did not come to bring peace but the sword' in their own fashion, complete with architecturally modest structure which was directly opposed to the tall, majestic structures prevalent among many other denominations of the day. Needless to say for those of you who have followed this rambling blog, I devote two whole chapters of God Caused the Civil War to just how God was illustrating His displeasure with Americans of all sorts by staging battles nearby houses of worship. If you want to check out the book, get in touch with Westminster Seminary's Library for an inter-library loan or just write me and I'll email you as many chapters as you can stand to read!

Right now I'm listening to 'Deguello' (Slit Throat) cranked up to mind numbing decibels from the new version of 'The Alamo' [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NONil_hvUKc] and am getting ready to blast the Bejeebers out of my computer opponent at, yes, yes, The Battle of Antietam!!
Are you ready to march to the sound of gunfire?!!

3:72, #566: Rue

2010-09-11T07:24:00.005-04:00

Dictionary.com has sent me down one of the rabbit trails I sometimes wander, like Aragorn chasing Gollum, this morning and has produced this following diatribe, so you may RUE the day you jumped on this blog! Now, with that disclaimer, let's wade into this...

'Rue' has the primary meaning of being sorry for something done in the past...as in 'rue the day I got on this blog!' It also turns out that there is a plant called 'rue' that's not only indigenous to the Mediterranean region (hence, the picture at left from Wiki's public domain file), it shows up in Luke 11:42 according to the Wiki article I've been perusing. The plant is a nasty bit of work (rather pretty in the garden, though...much as the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil) that serves as an herbal way to induce abortion; which, now that I think of it, could serve as a sermon illustration for The Fall when man aborted his relationship with God by eating of the fruit of said Tree. Somehow the connection between being sorry for an action and self-induced abortion just naturally seems to pop out to my way of thinking...so sue me! The Pharisees got lambasted by the Lord for tithing mint and rue in Luke 11:42 while they ignored justice and the love of God...obviously, again, a connection with the whole abortion issue if you ask me...and you did, in one respect by tuning into this channel!!

Now, for you French scholars, 'rue' means 'street,' as in the famous 'Murders in the Rue Morgue' by Edgar Allen Poe, supposedly the first detective story written. The woman murdered by the orangutan had her head nearly cut completely off...not unlike the practice of ripping a baby's head off in utero these days in the USofA. Well, perhaps Poe could have cleaned up his story by having an abortion clinic located in the Rue Morgue where rue tea was served to expectant mother-don't-wannabes that they might someday rue the deed they'd done...
Got Tell Tale Heart?

3:71, #565: 1,206 So Far

2010-09-05T13:10:00.004-04:00

One of the neat things about computers is that you can count long columns of statistics in short time by using 'sort' and 'word count' where it gives you 'by line' as an option. Well, just for curiosity a few minutes ago I checked out my Movies Sorted File and found out I've watched at least 1,206 different movies since October 11, 1990 when I started keeping track of things in order to settle 'intellectual differences of opinion' between me and Audio Visual Man.

So what's my point? Self indulgence...what else?
Wonder how many more I can add to the total before I kick the bucket...and, yes, 'Bucket List' is on the list!

Now, being this concrete sequential that I am (some might say 'statistics freak'), I also know that I've watched 'Gettysburg' 35 times and 'Lord of the Rings' 29 times.
Ready to march to the sound of battle?!!

3:70, #564: Valley of Smokes

2010-09-04T07:39:00.003-04:00

I was just looking over Any Day in History and came across the item that on this day in 1781, Los Angeles was founded in Bahia de las Fumas...the Valley of Smokes...by 44 settlers. It makes perfect sense to me that smog should be the eventual result...or a place where cigarettes are popular...or dope...given the location's name. Then the question becomes, just how did the valley get the name in the first place? Did the natives peddle tobacco there to the Mexican and Spanish folks who showed up to steal their land?

Of course, this whole Valley of Smokes stuff reminds me of the Valley of Hinnom mentioned in Scripture where Canaanites and depraved Israelites sacrificed children in the fires as well as kept a giant rubbish pile burning which was a picture of Hell...for a pretty good read, see the Wiki article at [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gehenna]. Maybe child sacrifice was typical of the native Americans in the region, something they might have shared with the Aztecs and Mayans?

Gee, '...and the smoke of their torment goes up for ever and ever' as Revelation 14:11 says sounds like The City of Angeles might be in the Valley of Smokes for a while.
Got a light?

3:69,#563: Heavy Metal Thoughts

2010-08-29T07:25:00.005-04:00

Nope, this is not about that head-banging music we've all heard one time or another! This is a meditation, as it were, on a situation from an episode of C.S.I. Las Vegas. This guy got poisoned to death with selenium over a period of time and it was pointed out that selenium and other heavy metals like gold are not consumed in the 1600 degree heat of cremation. I turned to Audio Man and suggested maybe that's what the resurrection bodies of the lost will be comprised of so as not to be consumed in the flames of Hell.

The picture to illustrate this thought is one I took on my computer screen after one of my unsuccessful gaming attempts in Age of Wonders...I thought it had just the perfect 'look' for what was on my mind.

This morning I posted a brief 'I wonder' on Facebook indicating that it might be a Midas touch twist not specifically mentioned in Scripture if folks who worship Mammon here (money, gold, etc.) would have golden bodies in Hell. Streets of gold in Heaven are mentioned, pearly gates are alluded to in Revelation, but only outer darkness and incredible pain for 'the hot place' as Malcolm Reynolds of Firefly fame would euphemistically define it. Either way, makes me continue to pray for all the folks on my Aints List to come to faith a.s.a.p....
Got requests for the Lord?

3:68, #562: Twenty Five Years...Sheesh!!

2010-08-19T07:14:00.002-04:00

This morning I noted on Facebook that I wondered where in the name of my Great Aunt Lizzie's hair bun the last 25 years to the day (thank you, Frodo) passed as I worked at Camp Cornelius. I've been working here for longer than about 1/3 of the human race has been alive, according to one set of stats that I've seen. Well, with Sexton as my last name, I guess the Lord decided to make it easy for me to understand my life calling, given what I do to tend the place. Oh, and by the way, I did have a Great Aunt Lizzie and she did wear her hair in a bun!

Soooo...what's next? ...as I used to ask my carpenter foreman when I finished one task on the job. I guess the simplest answer would be...the next 25!! Let's see, that would put me at 84 and still riding around on the John Deere, I would suppose, assuming I'd be able to get up on the mower by that time. Getting off might be the problem, given how stiff I can get even now. Well, that's a bridge off of which I don't have to jump for another quarter century, so, if I'm not going to worry about tomorrow as Matthew 6:34 tells me, I'm certainly not going to worry about then.
Got 25 cent cee-gah to celebrate?

3:67, #561: Mounts Up With Wings Like Eagles Scouts

2010-08-13T09:10:00.003-04:00

I was thinking the other day, as I do, that, if the world has Eagle Scouts, why shouldn't home schooling Christians provide a group for their teens that could be called the Mounts Up With Wings Like Eagles Scouts, based on Isaiah 40:31? The whole idea would be to motivate young folks to achieve a closer walk with Christ in a particular form of discipleship pattern that Matthew 28:18-20 calls us to in the 'standard operating procedure' of our walk with Him.

Since Eagle Scouts earn all sorts of merit badges, a similar system could be put in place, based on Ephesians 2:8-10 to guard against the chance of the whole program becoming an idol. The 'required' badges, so to speak are suggested in several passages of Scripture: Bible Knowledge, Spiritual Warfare Awareness, Prayer, and Evangelism are covered in Ephesians 6:10-20. Personal Holiness, Spiritual Gifts Discovery/Use, Hospitality, & Citizenship Responsibilities are described in Romans 12. Making Disciples as a category could stem from I Thessalonians 5:11ff. This is just a beginning framework that's rolled around inside my brain...feel free to use anything worthwhile that you might find here.

Got More Ideas?

3:66, #560: ...Or Current Resident

2010-08-04T06:00:00.004-04:00

This morning I opened one of those extremely personal pieces of mail...turns out it was a catalog for park-type supplies...and was wondering how many rain forests have been cut down to supply me with the latest in 'green' stuff that's going to save the planet. I wonder when I croak, who 'Current Resident' will be at the Grey Havens? Maybe one of the little guys climbing the dogwood outside the house that you see pictured above.

I also got an email from Google thanking me for sending them my resume...which I have not, but why should that stop them from expressing their gratitude to me?!! After all, since I've earned the nickname Captain Google from some co-workers as a result of all the let-me-check-that-on-Google events in my life, why shouldn't they be grateful?
Oh, and once I pass through The Pearly Gates, will they have to send to Robert The Grateful Dead or Current Resident?
Got call forwarding?

3:65, #559: Male Competitiveness

2010-07-27T15:31:00.003-04:00

Today I'm wearing a tee shirt that says, "Bald means never having to say 'I'm having a bad hair day.'" Well, a guy who's more bald than I am looked at the shirt, laughed, and then saw how much stubble is left on my cranium and told me I'm just a Bald Wannabe!! His chrome dome was shiny and completely devoid of stubble...making his point conspicuously.
I think this is sufficient evidence to prove a point I must have made some time or other that guys will compete in ANYTHING in which they think they can be superior! But, HEY, why compete in something in which you think you'll be a loser...unless it involves some totally depraved behavior that has rewards in and of itself as long as you don't consider the short and long term consequences?
Got never used shampoo bottle?

3:64, #558: Facewall

2010-07-24T09:49:00.003-04:00

Yessirree, Bob, I want it known that I'm the originator of the above term, based on a You Tube deal I just saw on Facebook. The video points out that Social Media is THE thing for folks to participate in these days; especially the 50% of the world's population that is under 30!! Dang, that means I'm older than those 3 BILLION people as well as another huge chunk of the world's folks between 30 and 58!!

As the stats were rolling by on [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFZ0z5Fm-Ng] I thought back to 'the family' in Ray Bradbury's book Fahrenheit 451 which was people talking continuously but not really saying too awful much in the homes of the citizens that took up at least one whole wall of the living rooms of everybody in the land...well, 15 minutes later...I see I'm not as far off in my thinking as I might be. The Wikipedia article at [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fahrenheit_451] actually cites that Bradbury himself indicated that it was his commentary on the effects of television and mass media on the reading of literature, not a commentary on state-authorized censorship.

In any event, way back in 1953 Bradbury predicted that books like those by Walt Whitman and William Faulkner, as well as the Bible were primary targets for the fires. Oh, by the way, 451 degrees Fahrenheit is the temperature at which paper ignites, just so you know. It won't surprise me when America's soon to be #1 piece of Hate Speech Literature...that same Holy Bible...will go up in smoke, along with some of it's proponents who self-immolate like an old lady in the novel instead of consenting to be carted off to the already prepared for-domestic-terrorists concentration camps here in the USofA.
Got the history of Andersonville and Elmira Prison from the Civil War?

3:63, #557: Off The Top of My Head

2010-07-17T10:47:00.002-04:00

Just a bit ago I asked on Facebook if guys with thinned out hair gave too many answers 'off the top of their heads' down through their lives... and I've been thinking about the saying and might as well give some further opinions off the top of my head...my hair's already fled the scene of the crime!! ;p

First, being asked that question is quite a compliment in that the questioner has assumed you have a considerable volume of knowledge on the upcoming subject stored 'at your fingertips' or 'on the tip of your tongue' that will emanate 'off the top of your head.' Once again, I think I've convoluted that particular picture analogy and will leave it at that.

Secondly, it is complimentary in the sense that the person is asking you anything at all, expecting an answer that is sensible; which, in my case is not necessarily so!

On the other hand, it could indicate that you're an opinionated blowhard and the questioner is merely giving you another chance to wax eloquent on something about which you have no clue! Well, in any event, those are just the first thoughts on thoughts off the top of my head?
Got sunscreen or a good hat?

3:62, #556: Rich vs Riches

2010-07-16T15:04:00.003-04:00

I was just inspired to shoot off my computer...the electronic version of shooting off my mouth...by a quote on Any Day in History. Mr. Anonymous...a really smart guy with a lot of published materials, actually...said, "It is better to live rich than to die rich." I'd have to say I agree... especially considering how much money I don't currently have in a bank account.

I do, however, have an ever growing family as the gospels promised that has not only an international flavor to its members but enriches me in many ways, mostly in the precious nature of the relationships engendered as a result of being mutually adopted children in God's family!!

Now, when I come to the end of my days...which, frankly, could be even as I type, given James' comments about our being a vapor that could be here today, gone today...I certainly hope and plan to have people say as the last lines of "Second Hand Lions" assert, "Did those men in great grandfather's stories really live?" "Yeah, they REALLY lived!!"

3:61, #555: Aeromancy

2010-07-11T07:55:00.004-04:00

I learned a new word from Dictionary.com today, aeromancy; which means the prediction of future events by observation of weather conditions. Jesus and my maternal grandmother mentioned this subject when they talked of "Red sky at morning, sailor take warning/Red sky at night, sailor's delight"...He in Matthew 16:2, 3 and she during my childhood.

In some respects, I guess I'm an aeromancer, too. For instance, when I look up and the rain is coming down on me, I can predict that I'm going to get wet. Or, from a Biblical view of things, when it's raining outside, I know it's God's will that I work inside or take some vacation time! ;)

When folks ask me questions about what sort of weather I expect, my classic line...a Bobism, I guess... based on Genesis 8:22 is 'There is a 100% chance of some kind of weather...or the end of the world!'

Just remember, step into the eye of the storms of this life...get out of the wind!!
Got spiritual barometer?

3:60, #554: Anatomical Anomolies

2010-07-10T07:56:00.003-04:00

I was just posting on Facebook and asked the question, "Why do we 'get things off our chest' and not some other part of our anatomy?" Since things can be 'a pain in the neck' or 'a pain in the butt,' shouldn't we 'get things off our neck or butt?'

Likewise, if you're planning on being observant, you 'keep your eye out' for someone...shouldn't that be extremely painful?! I guess it is metaphysically if the anticipated arrival continues to delay and you have to wait and wait and wait...

Oh, and jumping across to the Bible...across what?...was Paul's 'thorn in the flesh' really a 'pain in the neck/butt' linguistically speaking, and, therefore, some person with whom he had to deal and work all those years who God used 'as iron sharpens iron' for Paul's well being in the long run?

Continuing on the 'pain in the neck' theme...people these days frequently 'give us The Finger' as the most pejorative way of expressing themselves (or a backwards way of telling us 'You're Number One') and yet 'thumbs up' is a good sign, counterbalanced by 'thumbs down'...both left overs from the days of the Caesars and gladiators.

Oh, and just why do we 'get a leg up?' Seems as though that's a rather awkward position...unless you put your foot on a chair or something like that to tie your shoelaces.

Well, before we get too 'down in the mouth' about these anatomical expressions, I'd better 'keep on trucking' to the next thing on God's Daytimer for me!
Got your' eye on the ball,' 'your shoulder to the wheel,' and your 'ear to the ground?'

3:59, #553: Nicknames

2010-07-04T13:41:00.003-04:00

Dictionary.com just informed me that 'nickname' goes back into the 14th century and has its roots in Old English for 'additional name.' Isn't that special?!! Well, for some reason today I feel like pontificating on nicknames.

'Reds' is frequently used for a person who is a red-head. Oh...did you ever notice that most redheads are really orange heads in the spectrum of colors?!! I'm figuring just plain laziness is the reason...fewer syllables and all that.

Of course, 'Bob' and 'Rob' are the naturally lazy way to introduce 'Robert' whoever he is. I never understood why guys with that name insist on being called 'Robert.' It seems a bit to formal for my taste, but works well for Mom when she's about to chew one out for some perceived personality fault. Oh, and HOWCOME 'Bobby' is for little kids and athletes...and occasionally in a somewhat pejorative fashion for Robert E. Lee?!!

'General' is one I've gotten from some guys who have observed me commanding victorious armies in Civil War Generals 2 down in the basement of Stone Walled Presbyterian Church. One ex-Marine gave me the honorable sobriquet of 'Gunny'...short for Gunnery Sergeant in The Corps, the guy who is usually running things on a practical basis while the officers divvy up commands.

Civil War Generals were renowned for nicknames: 'Stonewall' Jackson was also known as 'Deacon Tom' for his Presbyterian church work, 'Tom Fool' by his VMI students because of his over-seriousness and dedication to repeating lectures, 'Old Blue Light' for his piercing eyes, and 'Old Jack' by his men who groused about his severity by loved and respected him for how he whipped them into top fighting units.
Robert E. Lee was early known as the 'King of Spades' for his propensity for having troops properly entrench and 'Granny' because of his age/white hair/early conservative nature.

And of course, good old George Armstrong Custer was 'Yellow Hair' to the Sioux who annihilated him and his Seventh Cavalry. George Gordon Meade was 'Goggle Eyed Snapping Turtle' due to his temper. William Tecumseh Sherman was 'Uncle Billy' to his Union troops. Winfield Scott, whose 'Anaconda Plan' eventually helped win the Civil War for the North, was 'Old Fuss and Feathers.'

I could go on, but I feel like doing battle on my computer screen so I can 'march to the sound of battle.'
Got nickname of your own?

3:58, #552: Chipmunk Update

2010-07-03T09:40:00.002-04:00

A couple of posts ago I talked about the Grey Havens Chipmunk Squad. Well, I decided to rename a few of them based on my observations as well as my Civil War Buff/Historian status.
Old Stonewall continues on in his Presbyterian path, but now he apparently has progeny I've named Sandy Pendleton after Tom Jackson's aide-de-camp who also was a Christian. Not only does the little fellow gallop across lawns and blacktop, but he even travels a goodly distance along Camp Cornelius's Church Road Wall...clearly descended from Stonewall.

The striped cavalier I named Cornelius has become George Armstrong Custer now that I've further observed his behavior patterns. He cuts across the Library lawn to enter the forage field of battle and invariably JEB Stuart takes time out of his feeding habit to engage in the not-quite-largest-cavalry-battle on the North American Continent. Actually, it's a re-enactment of the cavalry duel on the third day of the Battle of Gettysburg; which happens to be July 3, 147 years ago!!

Rocky has been changed to Nathan Bedford Forrest because of the path he travels, the length of the distance he carries his forage, and finally his propensity to attack birds his size and bigger. He usually gets there 'first with the most' as his namesake did to win battle after battle.

Then we've got Ambrose Burnside who forages admirably, but when the warfare begins, beats a hasty retreat to his burrow only 10 or 12 feet away in the corner of the Library/Academic Center area.

Finally, Chippy, the original who got his picture taken, apparently birthed Bobby Lee who travels the same basic path as Pappy but does some incredible foraging so his cheeks are bloated when he heads home. He does take over the concrete area from all sorts of birds, so like his namesake, he always leaves 'in possession of the field of battle.'

3:57, #551 The Epilogue of God Caused the Civil War

2010-07-03T07:46:00.007-04:00

Every history book should be able to answer the question, “What’s your point?” It has not been to add one more to the ever growing list of books written on the Civil War. More than seventy thousand published titles adequately fill that bill. It is not to make money from the sale of another book on the War, although that would be a pleasant side effect. It is to indicate that God, in fact, was the primary agent causing the Civil War, using people, places, weather, and events in specific ways to accomplish His ends. The coincidences of the Civil War were designed by the God of Israel and were not the result of fate, luck, destiny, or impersonal providence. The logical extension of this reasoning is that God caused all wars throughout history to bring about His Biblically stated purpose, and then they will know that I am God. Andersonville survivor, Warren Lee Goss, wrote at the end of his book, “Revenge is not tolerated in the light of our high, ennobling civilization; but when I behold the South, stricken and suffering from fire, famine, and the sword, as one of the results of the awful civil contest just closed, I seem to see the hand of God’s retribution seeking out and visiting her crimes with chastisement. If in coming times, as in the past, she shall sin against the moral ideas of the age, or if we, as then, become participants in her crime, so shall we reap, with her, the punishment of those crimes.”(1)

Author Mitchell Snay points out in his work, Gospel of Disunion, that prior to the Civil War, the spiritual split on North/South lines in each of the mainline denominations of the United States over the issue of slavery was the spiritual precursor to the North/South split politically during the Civil War. Hartford Institute for Religion Research identifies that there are “35,000 independent and nondenominational [apparently Protestant Christian] congregations currently with approximately 10,000,000 members in the United States, making these congregations a large but relatively anonymous presence in the U.S. religious landscape.”(2) It appears to be a continuing and growing trend. Evangelicals fight among themselves about anti-abortion tactics as much as they did anti-slavery activity. Every new independent congregation formed illustrates the spirit of secession that split the South from the United States, but also which caused West Virginia to break off from Virginia, north Texans to talk about seceding from Texas, and Governor Joseph Brown to threaten to take Georgia out of the Confederacy at various times. The spiritual fragmentation of the Church into thousands of independent congregations, as well as thousands of parachurch organizations, is the likely spiritual precursor to political fragmentation of the United States into a continentally encompassed feudal state where locality and its immediate demands take precedence over the concept of one nation under God. The alternative is repression of this spirit in such a fashion that centralized totalitarianism is the likely result.

The Church has stood by and allowed abortion to be legal for three decades, just as it stood by and justified slavery for two hundred and fifty years. It has allowed prayer to be removed from public schools for four decades. It has allowed the societal practices condemned in Leviticus 17-28, that describe the lands of Egypt and Canaan of the 15th century B.C., to dominate its culture. Poll takers estimate that 30-35% of Americans claim to be Evangelicals. They should be changing society more now than they did before the Civil War. The United States stands at a time in its history as controversial and pivotal as the middle of the nineteenth century. If Evangelicals in America do not more actively live out their expressed beliefs, then “the time has come for judgment to begin at the house of God; and if it begins with us first, what will be the end of those who do not obey the gospel of God?”(1 Peter 4:17) As Abraham Lincoln said at Gettysburg, Americans of every description have a great task before us. May God cause us to walk by His light, since the handwriting is on the wall.

Sources: 1. Goss, Op. Cit., p. 242.
2. Hartford Institute for Religion Research, “Nondenominational Congregations Today”, [http://hirr.hartsem.edu/org/faith_congregations_nondenom_FACT.html][cited 4/13/05]

3:56, #550: Yellow Hair

2010-06-25T07:26:00.003-04:00

Here it is, 134 years to the day (thank you, Frodo) when George Armstrong Custer passed through the Pearly Gates to his part of the Heavenly Mansion as a result of his unfortunate breaking of that Sabbath morning at the Little Bighorn in 1876. And, yes, good old Glory Hog George had gotten saved at Monroe Presbyterian Church in February, 1865 while on furlough from his part of the Civil War, according to author Jeffry D. Wert in his book, Custer: The Controversial Life of George Armstrong Custer. But, of course, you knew that fact from reading the first Appendix of God Caused the Civil War, now didn't you?!!

I wonder what color his part of the Mansion was painted...blood red, Great Plains green, or maybe a certain shade of Clairol Gold in honor of his Lakota Sioux-given moniker?

3:55, #549: Chipmunks

2010-06-20T10:37:00.005-04:00

Here at Camp Cornelius we have a proliferation of the striped little fellows...the picture is Chippy, the first one we so originally named, who appears to be the patron of the bunch near the Grey Havens.
Naming chipmunks is a tenuous hobby, to say the least, since most of the little guys look nearly identical. BUT, behavioral characteristics differentiate them as well as the rest of the kingdoms within the Kingdom, so here we go in another example of my self indulgence here in Internetland.
Chippy apparently fathered two little fellows I call Stonewall and Rocky. Stonewall always scoots away from the food cache we've set out for the birds and 'munks along the loose stone wall running the length of our driveway; hence, his moniker.
Rocky moves in a left to right direction from the Havens Tree Nursery in the ivy across a pile of small rocks I've accumulated at the corner of the Andreas Fault here at Camp Cornelius. Frankly, I think he was a Confederate soldier running across Devil's Den at the Battle of Gettysburg in a former incarnation, speaking in a post-Reformational, Van Tillian, Zen sorta way, of course! ;) The funny thing is that he always moves across the rocks on his return path, too...retreat, I guess as the Union forces of mourning doves, chickadees, and cardinals marshal themselves in the region.
Let's see, we also have JEB...cousin to Stonewall, named after another Confederate Christian General from the Civil War, who always retreats along the concrete ledge running the length of the front of the Library.
Cornelius must live somewhere in the vicinity of our classroom building, so naming him seemed rather obvious, too.
So, you're probably asking yourself, "So What?"
Relax...enjoy what's around you...walk on The Edge and enjoy the view!
Got bird seed?

3:54, #548: Sites

2010-06-18T14:44:00.002-04:00

Here's a site for sore eyes...or maybe that should be a site for shore eyesight? Actually I could probably cite some sites that would be replete with sights, but my eyesight would only get shortsighted.

Actually, I'm just experimenting with shrinking down the site so it fits on my computer desktop in toto (not to be confused with Dorothy's Toto) instead of only in part.

I wonder if hindsight has to do with looking at male deer or ghetto booty? Someday we'll look back on this and see yet another sight, Eh?!!

3:53, #547: Stupid Sayings

2010-06-16T13:35:00.004-04:00

Did you ever actually THINK about some sayings that have become standards in the American language? Some of them make no sense, some are just plain stoopid!! ;P Here are some f'rinstances:

"As cute as a button." Have you ever looked at a button??!!!...'cute' is not a phrase I would use unless there might be some baby clothing out there with little lambies on the button. 'Round as a button,' 'tarnished as a Civil War button,' 'four-holed as a button' might be possible, but NOT 'cute!!'

Then there's 'happy as a clam.' Just exactly how happy is a clam? Is this a clam at any oyster feed where everybody's slurping down the raw and otherwise cooked oysters without pearls, leaving them thar clams alone??!! ;P

I just spotted 'bald as a cucumber' on a site. Does that mean the guy who's being compared to the cuke also has a whole lot of little bumps on his head and green stripey skin?

If someone has 'not one red cent,' does this mean he's not going to make it in a Communist country? And for that matter, why ARE Commies called Reds? OK...the International Communist flag is all red, hence the name.

If you do something 'in cold blood,' shouldn't you be dead, given that 98.6 is the normal temp?
Well, my Feng Shui album is soothing me so that my shoe is on the other foot...

Oh, yeah...just exactly how smart is a whip?
Got wonderment?

3:52, #546: Ants

2010-06-13T10:40:00.004-04:00

I was sitting on the back porch of the Havens this morning observing one of the industrious ants that Proverbs 6 tells me to observe. First of all, while you're sitting around watching ants, are you the Sluggard addressed to get busy in the chapter, or does your observation technique then become the first step in your recovery from sluggard-like behavior?

Continuing that thought, do you have to take the second step in Sluggard Recovery by becoming industrious, or will the original Sluggard go and recruit seven more Sluggards to sit around and watch the ants with you as the demons did in one of Jesus' illustrations about 'sweeping the house clean' when it didn't work properly?

Oh, and do the ants sit around and crack wise about the stupid grasshoppers during the time in the winter when the ants are 'holed up' gnoshing on whatever it is they gnosh that they gathered during the Industrious Season?

If ants decide to go on a sit down strike, does that become an Industrious Revolution?

3:51, #545: I'm All In

2010-06-11T14:55:00.004-04:00

The American language is an interesting thing when you get around to thinking about it. Back in the day (whichever decade you happen to pick, mine is around the 60s and 70s in this case) "I'm all in" meant "I've worked my butt off and I can't possibly lift my arms even to drink that beer that looks so good!!"
Just the other week a buddy of mine used the phrase in connection to Texas Hold 'Em Poker to illustrate Christian behavior in a way which means "I'm totally committed" and when I commented I had never played Texas Hold 'Em but in Five Card Stud I've been given a Royal Flush by the King of Kings, he kindly wrote back and told me that I 'was all in' with my walk...kinda encouraging, actually.
Well, I don't write this to brag. I'm just listening to Alabama's song, "I'm In A Hurry" which states that "I'm in a hurry to get things done...Oh, I rush and rush 'til life's no fun. All I really gotta do is live and die, but I'm in a hurry and don't know why." I guess I'm exhorting you to be "All In" for the Lord but not to run yourself into the ground when fellow Christians want you to so that you're "All In" like Robert Murray McCheyne was when he said, "I've killed the horse and now the message can't get through"...meaning he worked himself to death in Christian workaholic fashion.
Got relaxation?

3:50, #544: Tolkien In Wonderland

2010-06-04T06:54:00.004-04:00

I watched Johnny Depp's version of 'Alice In Wonderland'...actually, that should probably be 'Tim Burton's version' since he directed it...last night for the second time and was impressed with some Tolkienesquenesses...hey, if Lewis Carrol and J.R.R. can invent words, so can I! ;P Here's my comparison of two excellent movies:

The obvious first one is that the Good Guys triumph over the Bad Guys when Alice with her crimp style blond hair and shining armor cut off the head of the Jabberwocky in a scene reminiscent of the battle scene outside the Black Gate of Mordor when Sauron's Red Eye (hmmm, Red Queen is the baddie!) comes crashing down to assure the positive fate of Middle Earth. Oh, is Middle Earth situated directly above Underworld?

Speaking of Alice, a.k.a. Mia Wasikowska...she reminded me an awful lot of Galadriel, a.k.a. Cate Blanchett with her crinkle-cut long blond hair both when she was wearing her Chinese-pajama outfit walking back and forth while deciding to fight the Jabberwocky AND when she sailed away...come sail away, come sail away, come sail away we meeeeee...on The Wonder at the end of the movie...heading to The East instead of to The West, of course.

Oh, and did the red card army vaguely resemble ORCS?!! And the white chess piece army had a rather Elvish look about them to someone who's seen 'Lord of the Rings' 29 times!! Oh, notice, too, that the red cards throw down their weapons at the end and desert the Red Queen, a.k.a. Helena Bonham Carter just as the orcs and other bad guys desert Sauron at his downfall.

Let's see, then there's the comparison of Elendil, Aragorn's sword with the Vorpal sword...one has to be rebuilt so Middle Earth's Champion can wield it successfully against Sauron and his minions and the other gets recovered from the Bandersnatch's house so Alice can "OFF WITH HIS HEAD' to the Jabberwocky. ..cool picture for the original of Through the Looking Glass that's in public domain, by the way!

The Battle of the Chess Board reminded me of both the Battle at Helm's Deep AND the Battle at Mordor's Gate with two armies clashing and the Nazgul-wannabe-Jabberwocky getting slain by the curly haired girl just like the Witch King of Angmar got it from Eowyn the curly haired I-was-wearing-my-helmet-I'm-having-a-bad-hair-day warrior of Tolkien's tale.

It's time to open the Gates of Camp Cornelius, so I'll wrap this review for now. It's time for me to 'go snicker snack' but I will be 'galumphing back!'
Got Sword of the Spirit to slay the REALLY Bad Guy and his minions?!!

3:49, #543: Revival Praying

2010-05-30T10:45:00.002-04:00

Sometime in the last week or two I got an email asking me to pray for revival for America based on 2 Chronicles 7:14 and was wondering if the advocates realized that the first half of the sentence, vs. 13, defines God's actions prior to the whole prayer deal? Here's the whole verse: "If I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or if I command the locust to devour the land, or if I send pestilence among My people, and My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray, and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."

In the New King James the word is 'when,' not 'if.' In either case, there appears to my way of thinking a causative aspect to the whole deal that requires God to trash the nation with drought, crop failures due to bugs, and some sort of epidemic to build a fire under 'His people'...that would be the Born Agains in our day...to realize they're responsible for the degraded condition of this nation so that they ask Him to do what needs to be done to change things for the better.

Over the last 30 years since I got saved, I've noticed that the praying part is a big deal with folks, but the 'turning from their wicked ways' is not. I guess spiritual Band aids don't work too well in God's frame of reference.
Got surgical tools sharpened?

3:48, #542: The Garden

2010-05-29T15:20:00.003-04:00

Nope, this is not some theological exhortation about Eden; merely a report on God's graciousness last year because Elfson, Archangel, & I got this year's Garden dug of weeds and planted this morning in about 3 hours of well done work.

Last year I got: 9.5 dozen radishes, 69.5 dozen green beans, 6 zucchini, 43 cucumbers, 2 dozen onions, 17 dozen cherry tomatoes, 8 large bowls of lettuce, 8 bags of parsley, 3 bags of cilantro, and 2 dozen green tomatoes. And, yes, the green tomatoes served us both as fried green tomatoes AND green tomato pie!! If you've never tried them, you should get a recipe for both and have a delightful culinary repast!!

Got Yuengling?

3:47, #541: Legion

2010-05-23T09:46:00.007-04:00

Yessirree, Bob, I watched "Legion" last night and now I've got a few things to say. First of all, it wasn't all that great as a movie, even though Gabriel and Michael (angels in the legion) were played by decent actors: Kevin Durand and Paul Bettany, respectively. I hung on until the end to find out whether the 'legion' was going to be the one mentioned in the Garden of Gethsemane that Jesus could have called down to His aid or the one He cast out of the Gerasene demoniac to become pig farmers of sorts.

Well, it turns out it was a bit of both. The legion of possessed individuals who could be killed with lots of real bullets...I was sitting there thinking of 'Shawn of the Dead,' perhaps one of the worst zombie movies I've ever seen...but they were supposed to be angels doing God's will to destroy mankind; especially the illegitimate baby of the Paradise Falls (nice town name!) waitress who apparently got impregnated by a state cop, based on her reaction to the dramatic appearance of Michael-the-former-archangel in a stolen cop car. Are you getting this convoluted theology?!! If I was a swearing man...which I am on occasion...I would utter an imprecation or two at this point, but I won't.

Anyway, Gabe shows up with some cool sound effects to herald his entrance to start kicking Mikey's butt around to the point of actually killing him; which, of course flies like an evil angel in the face of all reality!! Well, I won't give away the ending in case some of you might want to actually watch this but it does have a Gandalfian-twist to it! Oh, and the interesting tattoos on Mikey are supposedly Enochian...angel language given to a couple of guys in the 16th century by angels themselves...supposedly so we could talk to them. Ummm...in the New Testament, they spoke the same language as the recipients of the news!!! DUH...they're angels, after all!!

Anyway, the good thing I see is that Gabriel and Michael are not depicted as the effeminate things artists down through the ages have depicted, but are warrior-looking but oddly dressed in black with black wings...not everything white as I would suspect HOLY angels would be...no racial profiling intended, I assure you. Oh, the other good thing suits my mood here of late. The question arises both at the beginning and end of the movie, "Why is God so angry with His children?" The answer? "I guess because He's tired of all the bulls...t!"
I wonder if John on Patmos felt the same when he wrote, "Come, Lord Jesus?!!"

3:46, #540: What's Next?

2010-05-17T06:41:00.002-04:00

I was just reading Max Lucado's devotional, Grace for the Moment, this morning and was reminded that Jesus works with us in this life to accomplish His will. This reminded me of my days as a carpenter back in the 70s when my lead carpenter would give me a job to do, I'd do it and then ask, "What's next?" The key in this is that he was working the job, too, not just giving me assignments, but actively participating in the whole project while giving me the freedom and responsibility to take care of my particular part of the job.

That made me think that Jesus is The Lead Carpenter and the Ephesians 2:10 'good works for which we are each chosen that are laid out beforehand for us to walk in them' are ours to do but not on our own. He's there to work with us and has supplied the Holy Spirit to work within us in a further assisting way that we can't really grasp, when it comes down to it. I guess this is to encourage any of you who might be feeling as though the Lord has given you a task and then cut you loose on your own to do it that that is definitely not the case.

The spiritual gifts and natural talents which you've been given are sufficient for the task...and He's there when it's coffee break in between the 'doing' part of your being His kid!
Got Ephesians 6:15 work boots?

3:45, #539: Avatar Dissected

2010-05-14T08:13:00.003-04:00

Last night I watched 'Avatar' and came to a conclusion...the writers watched a whole bunch of other movies and capitalized on their efforts. If you've seen 'Avatar' you'll recognize the references. If not, this can serve as your 'critic's review' to possibly determine if you want to see it.

First, the plot is that aliens (that would be the earth men) fly to Pandora to take all the resources of the planet and annihilate the Na'vi indigenous peoples in the process if necessary because their own planet is dying. Can you say PLOT OF 'INDEPENDENCE DAY?' Can you say Environmentalist Whackos writing scripts?

Secondly, the mechanized earthlings battle the bow and arrow, flying on dragon-like creatures Na'vi in scenes reminiscent of 'The Return of the Empire' when the Rebels and Ewoks whup up on Vader and the Bad Guys.

Thirdly, The alien, a.k.a. Jake Scully (X-Files anyone?) falls in love with the Chief's daughter after she saves his life and teaches him how to be one of The People...can you say 'POCHAHANTAS??!!'

Then there's #4: The dragon-looking creature and its rider PICK EACH OTHER...This time around we have Jeremy Irons in 'Eragon!!'

Numero Cinco (de Mayo-naise?) is the parallel of the rampaging dinosaur wannabe creatures that the Divine Mother of Pandora let's loose to save the day...reminded me of the rampaging Dinos in the most recent 'King Kong'...hey, where's the big ape when you really need him?!!

And how about the characters?!! For those of you who've seen 'Last of the Mohicans,' you'll remember the voice of Magua, a.k.a. Wes Studi as the Chief Eytukan of the Na'vi...guess Ole Wes got a promotion when he changed tribes!!

I like The Bad Guy, Colonel Miles Quaritch, a.k.a. Stephen Lang, who's played nasty Ike Clanton in 'Tombstone' and hard core soldier Stonewall Jackson in 'Gods and Generals' and combines the two characters quite well with some cool looking scars on his head!

And Sigourney Weaver played the same character as she did in ALL FOUR ALIEN MOVIES!!

Well, before I continue this rant any further, I'll just crank up ELO's "The Jungle" and think I'm on Pandora.

3:44, #538: Blood, Sweat & Tears

2010-05-13T07:19:00.003-04:00

Today in History tells me that good old Winnie Churchill gave his famous speech, "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat" on taking up the role of Prime Minister of England on this day in 1940. He was, of course, telling the Brits what to expect in the upcoming years known as World War II and was rather accurate in his predictive skills.

I just looked on Wikipedia for a public domain pic and, lo and behold...Winnie got the phrase from Teddy Roosevelt's speech in his address to the Naval War College in 1897 which I'm pretty certain is shown in the beginning of the film, "Rough Riders," one of my favorites and excellently portrayed by Tom Berenger. Annnnd, if I'm not mistaken, Old Teddy was also one of those Born Again Christian Presidents that God put in place 'for just such a time' as occurred. Several others I'd name are Washington, Lincoln (converted the day of the Gettysburg Address), McKinley (who sent Teddy to Cuba to charge up San Juan Hill), Garfield, Wilson, Carter, and Bush. And why do I point this out?

I've been percolating an idea that the Lord put Christians in power to direct historical events leading up to the Persecution of the American Church much as He put Joseph in the #2 slot in Egypt to set up the machinery of government and relief from seven famine years that eventually led to the persecution of the Hebrews and the Exodus. Who knows? Maybe I've got another book in me yet?