Last night while diligently engaged in my evening ablutions using the much cheaper Brand X of Head and Shoulders on head and facial hair, it dawned on me to wonder who ever actually washed his shoulders with the stuff...except maybe our Muhlenberg lacrosse goalie aptly nicknamed 'Bear' due to his hirsuteness! So why 'Head AND Shoulders' as a name? Because over the course of the years we've been conditioned to immediately relate to the phrase 'head and shoulders above the crowd;' which has Biblical origins where Saul was chosen (wrongly) to lead Israel because he was good looking and stood head and shoulders above the crowd!This got me thinking about product names, so here goes:
Tide laundry detergent: What?!! You want your clothes to smell like shrimp and seaweed washed up on shore?!!
Colgate Oxygen Whitening tooth stuff: Why do I need my oxygen white? It's been the same color all these millennia and been breathable to boot.
Sure Deodorant: Yeah, I've ignored the commercials with the arm raising...and you people actually BELIEVE them?!! SURE!! ;P
Optic White tooth paste: I always thought 'optic' had to do with my eyes...aren't my eyeballs white enough? Granted, they've been red on more than one occasion, but Murine or Visine can take care of that.
Q-tips: Not shaped like a 'q'...well, only if the cotton is lumped to one side...not made of a product that begins with 'q'...but if you stop and look at the ...'q'...I guess we could have another one of those qute little faces we put at the end of sentences to show expressions...emoticons; which sounds like some sort of Marvel Super Heroes! ;0P
Chaps Cologne: Oh, SURE (pun intended)...I want to smell like sweaty leather, dirt, the part of the saddle that some stinky cowboy's been squirming around on!! To quote the Sheriff of Nottingham in BBC's 'Robin Hood,' "A clue...NOT!"
How about BRUT? That sickening smelling stuff doesn't smell anything like rugby players after a game...or lacrosse, soccer, football, or hockey players, for that matter.
Since I usually end these tirades on a question...just what is Victoria's Secret?
Clearly the scanty underwear isn't hiding it!! ;p
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