5:20, #637 Evolutionarily Speaking Old Coot

I'm a carpenter by trade and by usual way of thinking. When I'm confronted with a conundrum (which is different than a snare or bass drum), I usually ask "How?" not "Why?" I read the January 2012 issue of "Smithsonian" this weekend and thought of some questions regarding their Evolution World Tour. So here are some random thoughts on the whole process of evolution:

What soft billed bird beat its face against a tree to evolve into a woodpecker, given that researchers observe that birds live 3-37 years on a good life span, less usually? [http://www.stanford.edu/group/stanfordbirds/text/essays/How_Long.html]
Oh, I see in the list "American Coot" 22 years, 4 months; which prompts the pictures of Baby Coots and one Old Coot!! ;p

Next, which one of the ladies of the past, maybe Lucy the famous Australopithecus herself...G'DAY MATE!!...evolved the Ghetto Booty? And...is that Aussie saying REALLY a pick up line, not just a general greeting...Ya know...G'DAY!...MATE??!! This might explain the extinction of some former links in the human chain, I suppose, if Lucy wasn't in the mood! ;p

Did the ancient killer whales (Orca's ancestors) decide to migrate to warm water to regenerate skin tissue because they couldn't find the Nivea cream up in the arctic?

What weasel-ly little weasel decided to be the big bad wolverine...no, not the guy in X-men...who inhabits areas of the planet that require big feet and LOTS of heavy hair? Check out the pics of the two current cousins at Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolverine...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weasels. I wonder if some bully weasel kicked sand in the face of another, who decided to bulk up, change his coat, and get big feet?

Which forward-flying bird in Mr. Peabody's Way Back Machine developed into the 'helicopter' known as the humming bird? Was it a song bird who lost the words, hence the new name?

Was it a Friday night when homo sapiens began "using red pigments, making blades, & eating seafood as early as 164,000 years ago?" (Smithsonian, Jan 2012, p. 39) Well...TGIF!! (Oooops, it CAN'T be T...GEE...I...F if there aint no God and evolution is correct...My Bad!! ;p Sooooo... would it be T N[obody] I F for atheists? Just sayin'...

My last question is a 'Why' one...Why haven't carpenters and Moms with little kids evolved a third arm in the last 164,000 years, given what a handy adaptation it would be? Just curious...
Got Archaeopteryx?

5:19,#636: Hogwart Airlines

I was sitting on the back porch of the Grey Havens yesterday enjoying some coffee and saw a broom propped up against the stone wall. For some reason it caused me to wonder if any Celtic Environmentalists have been in contact with Hogwart's to do research into turning brooms into a new form of planet-saving transportation device for us Muggles.

Think on't...as Willie Shakespeare might say...we could quadruple the number of parking spaces available all around the world...or at least add some at the top of regular car slots, we could increase the market for broom sales, parking space line painting, air traffic controllers, and lots of other industries that don't immediately come to mind to improve the world's economy!! ANNNNNDDD...it should not hurt the current transportation industry by reducing the number of cars because brooms don't have trunks or back seats in which to carry groceries or squalling young Muggles. Yeah, I've looked up Harry Potter on Wiki to refresh my memory, having read the first two in the series in 2003! ;P

Oh, and we could give a whole new twist to the Canadian sport of curling!! Try to imagine hurling the 'stone' into the sky and 'sweeping' it. If you have no clue about what I'm talking, check out the You Tube 4-part story of curling in Corner Gas country of Saskatchewan or Google 'curling': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UALN8x_c0Ws

Hmmm...what more to say? "Sweep on, MacDuff, and damned be he who cries, 'Enough!'"
Got a kick-stand for your broom?

5:18, #635: The Million Pound March

As a follow up to my Facebook post of the other day, I'm wondering if Obese Americans should stage, similar to the Million Man March, a Million Pound March on Washington, DC to tell Michele Obama and the Cookie Nazis who want to ban Girl Scout Cookies to 'get stuffed?!!' After all, they are a bunch of turkeys who are trying to impinge on personal freedoms in the name of what... some fallacious reality that's really yet another grab for political power!

Just think of the ground shaking effort that could be initiated if they all got on a one foot high platform and jumped off at the same time!! Why, they might cause a local earthquake that would cause the Potomac River to flood and clean up the streets!! Just sayin'...

Their slogan could reflect the line from "Dream Team"..."Stay outta my psychosis!!"...STAY OUTTA MY FAT!!

Got Avoirdupois?

5:17, #634: Modern Hieroglyphics

I was standing in the checkout of a Staples store yesterday and spotted a 3 x 5 spiral notebook entitled Dictionary of Text Messages...or something like that. I immediately thought about the French guy's line in 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' where he said he could drop a $10 watch in the sand and in a thousand years it would be invaluable. Then I thought, all these texting as well as license plate abbreviations are the 21st century's hieroglyphics that some future archeologists are going to spend lifetimes interpreting...lol!! ;p

I mean, think about it, somewhere around 3213A.D....or it may be 1201 in the calendar, presuming that the movie we watched at The Havens last night for the seventh time, '2012' is correct and they reset the clock...some guy will pick up a cell phone from some 'dig' in Wisconsin (which will have become the South Pole, remember) and declare, much as Archimedes supposedly did, "EUREKA!!"

My source, since I've only ever received/sent 3...yes, that is 3...text messages since I've had a cell phone...about 5-6 years...for the following entries that will be found in this hypothetically discovered artifact come from [http://www.netlingo.com/acronyms.php].

The first I've searched, being that hypothesized archeologist: BS Big Smile -or- Bull Sh** -or- Brain Strain...Unless this blog somehow remains in the Internet Archives (there might be a Conspiracy Theory wrapped around that thought)...my personal application will be missed...so sad! ;p

Oh, BTW...there are 2009 texts listed on that lingo page! Holey Moley, Batman!! (HMB is not currently listed, so make that 2010!)

I noticed the ones at the beginning of the list are numbers...reminding me of the days when we passed around things like that in the late 50s, early 60s: 379 was, I think, "You're talking to someone who apparently cares!"

I think another entry should be DWYWYWA...Do What You Want, You Will Anyway! It certainly would make counseling a friend easier than a whole lotta thumb twitching that goes on now...actually, I'd put it on speed text, if there was such a thing.

Well, B4 UR 2 GR8 2 care...

..../._/_ _./_..

5:16, #633 Five Lessons

Got this email and thought it was worth posting. Oh, this was once my car, several years ago...

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor Gave us a pop quiz.

I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:
"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor…"In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello..."
I've never forgotten that lesson…I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.

It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's' bedside just before he passed away... God Bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the Waitress was growing impatient.. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it.. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bednext to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Most importantly...“Live with no regrets, Treat people the way you want to be treated, Work like you don’t need the money, Love like you’ve never been hurt, and Dance like you do when nobody’s watching.”

5:15, #632 Old Fogey Blues

A Facebook Friend was lamenting her age and life and I decided to write this song this morning between 4-6am. The music in my head is a slow Country Western feel similar to Toby Keith and Willie Nelson doing "Beer for My Horses..."

My life is hist'ry, oh, what can I do?'
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.
I'm seein' ghosts like Old Scooby Doo..
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.

All that I've done is now in the past,
The things I've built, they're not gonna last,
My body aches, now aint it a blast?!!
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.

I'm gonna fade into obscurity.
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.
Who in the future will think about me?
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.

Oh, I've been good and I've been bad,
I've seen it all, both happy and sad,
For 60 years as man, boy and lad,
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.

I'm on the doorstep of Heaven or Hell.
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.
It tolls for me, that Eternity Bell.
I've got a case of the Old Fogey Blues.

Oh, with this life I've gotten so bored,
But not at all with Christ Jesus, my Lord.
Since on His boat I've gotten aboard.
There goes my case of the Old Fogey Blues.
There goes my case of the Old Fogey Blues.

5:14, #631 Baby's Coming

Years ago here at Camp Cornelius, I asked a guy who is a medical doctor if the Mother or the Baby triggers labor. He said medical science had not figgered it out...sounds a bit like the last couple of chapters of Job where God presents a series of questions to Job after he gets, shall we say, a bit perturbed at the Lord.

Well, it appears from my brief internet sally this morning that things have not changed. Hmmm...'sally'...does that mean it's gonna be a girl? ;p Dr. Penelope Sheehan of the University of Melborne doesn't know, but the article provided this cool picture, if not the rest of the article when I clicked on "more>>" [http://cms.unimelb.edu.au/advancement_news/mdhs/mdhs_items/what_makes_the_pregnancy_clock_tick]

"No one really understands what causes normal or preterm labor. There may be several chemical pathways that lead to labor, but we think that this surfactant protein, which is also produced by the fetal lung in humans, may be the first hormonal signal for labor to begin," reported [Dr. Carole] Mendelson, who is also co-director of the North Texas March of Dimes Birth Defects Center at UT Southwestern. [http://www.drmomma.org/2008/01/fetal-lungs-protein-release-triggers.html]

Midwivesonline.com say it's still unclear in their 2012 post. [http://www.midwivesonline.com/parents/parents1//////?ttl=faqans&faq=284]

Maybe David was on the mark with Psalm 139:14-16, "I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Thy works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from Thee, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Thy book they were all written, The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them."

I've been telling Moms for decades to quit reading the news a couple of weeks before possible delivery because the kid's not wanting to come out into this fallen world. Maybe I'm not quite as far over the Edge as I thought?!!

If you're anticipating a Blessed Event, I've got prayers for ya: 'strength for the day'(Dt. 33:25)...'minimize the birth pains of Gen. 3:16'...'keep her anxious for nothing/praying about everything/thankful as she goes/provide her with all she needs'(Phil. 4:4-19)
Got name picked? ;)

5:13, #630 New Year's Nuggets

Nope...this is not about Chicken Mac's or gold mining or...can't think what else at the moment, but just some random rocks rifled onto the Internet...I wonder about these things:

Is the Philadelphia Mummer's Parade our version of "Lords a-Leaping" of the Twelve Days of Christmas?

Why 'to Hell in a handbasket?' Wouldn't the basket catch fire? Would it be attached to a hot air balloon to get most of the way there? Would the hot air rising from Hell lift the balloon to Heaven by mistake...or God's Providence?!!

Do Atheists have any representative music the way Christians have hymns? Well, Captain Google (a not so new Marvel superhero) found this [http://atheistempire.com/entertainment/music_lyrics.php] for 'Atheist Empire: Atheist Music Guide'

How do you figure out if your 'going up' or 'going down' on the scale and how far you've been, given that Karma reaches perfection in 6,800,000 incarnations, according to Disappointment with God, pg. 200?

Who measured the distance to the sun and how much it weighs, given all the astrophysical material that firmly declares these things 'to be so?' Did somebody stop at Home Depot on the way to pick up some 100' tape measures and an over-sized postal scale?

Howcome Malchus isn't patron saint of Guys with Good Reflexes? After all, he ducked quickly enough when Pete swung at his head with a sword in the Garden of Gethsemane that all he lost was an ear!! Come on!!...You didn't REALLY think Ole Fisherman Pete was just trying to nip his ear, do you?!!

I think I'll end this with one of my questions from some time ago...probably in another incarnation...should all the blazing hot stars of the universe simply be considered 'space heaters?'
Got wonders as you wander?