2:152, #456: Happy Armada Dunking Day

Yessirree, Bob...on this day in 1588 God finished off His work in smashing the Spanish Armada's attempt at invading England. The day before the English did a decent job by using fire ships and cannon balls to blast away at the Spanish, but the following day...July 29th...severe storms in the North Sea pretty much finished off the fleet and caused many of the sailors to end up in Scotland. I wonder if they were treated to a dinner of haggis and made to dance among the thistles?!!

In any event, The One Year Book of Christian History points out that this was the turning point in keeping England Protestant under Elizabeth I; which continued to foster the Reformation in that land and shape its history for the rest of history, so to speak. I guess since England remained Protestant, it gave birth to Protestors who eventually got shipped to the New World and chucked a bunch of tea in Boston Harbor...all due to the fact that the Lord sent a storm a couple of hundred years earlier, as He says he does with all weather in Amos 4:7. I guess the storm "fell on the righteous and the unrighteous" that day, too!

Oh, and FYI...the Spanish started the fight on SUNDAY the 28th, statistically a not-so-bright-idea as my past research has shown...67% of the time the attacker loses when starting a ruckus on Sunday, breaking the Christian Sabbath. For you newbies, let me mention a few battles where the attacker lost on Sunday...Bannockburn, New Orleans, Waterloo, Pearl Harbor, Gallipolli, and Little Big Horn.
Got bumpershoot and Bible?

2:151, #455: Memorable Movie Lines

Picture Gandalf on the Bridge at Khazad-dum and the Balrog is inquiring about his Summer Hebrew grade...or perhaps his Apprentice Wizard grade: "YOU...SHALL NOT...PASS!!"... pretty much sums it up.

Then there's Gerard Butler's classic from "Reign of Fire," spoken in a thick Scottish brogue, "The only thing worrrse than a Dragon is an Amerrrican!!" (I loved Matt McConaughey's body tattoo!)

In King Kong, it may have been "Beauty that killed the Beast" as Richard Denham proclaims in the last line, but the bullets and the sudden stop at the end of the 1,250 foot drop might have contributed!!

One that always chokes me up, even after 34 times watching "Gettysburg" is the one word line Jeff Daniels utters as Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain at the Battle of Little Round Top: "BAYONETS!!!"

General Kemper's description and suggestion to General Pickett after Pickett makes an analogy of the South leaving the Union being like a gentleman having the right to leave a club might be my favorite line in "Gettysburg:" "You certainly have a way of trivializing the momentous and complicating the obvious...have you ever considered running for Congress?"

"Serenity" has a bunch of memorable lines, but my fave is when the Crew is about to battle the Reavers, Simon Tam is wounded and River Tam, after saying that he's been taking care of her, simply turns to run at the Reavers and says, "MY TURN!!"...and kicks the ever-loving daylights out of the bad guys!!

Guess it's about time to get to work...7am...so rather than "kill you with my brain" as River says she can do to Jayne Cobb in "Firefly," I'll simply say, as the dwarves did in "Snow White..."
HI HO, HI HO, IT'S OFF TO WORK I GO!!
Got mortar to tuck point the stone walls of Grey Havens?!!

2:150, #454: Bull Run & Monkeys Revisited

OK, last year on this date, I posted some comments on both the Battle of Bull Run and the Scopes Monkey Trial on Post #196. This year I've got other thoughts on the same thing. Just about the time of the American Civil War Old Darwin came up with his hair-brained Theory...Origin of the Species was published in 1859 to be precise...so a scene in my favorite movie (34 watchings), "Gettysburg," will be this day's post.

Confederate General James Longstreet walks up on Generals Pickett, Kemper, Armistead, and Garnett discussing "the latest scientific theory" of Charles Darwin. General Armistead backs the theory, General Pickett objects. So, General Pickett decides he "will lay to rest" the fallacious nature of Darwin's Theory. Let me set this up as a script:

General Pickett: "There are some among you who think you are descended from a ape...or that even I am descended from a ape... but I challenge the man to step forward who believes General Lee is descended from a ape!!"

General Kemper: "Here, here!"

General Garnett: "Not likely."

General Armistead: "All science trembles before the searing logic of your fiery intellect."
Armstead and Longstreet leave the scene and Kemper is heard saying, "So, exactly how many of your relatives are there that are apes?!"

One interesting thing about this non-historical dialogue with no historical record to substantiate it as far as I know, is that Armistead the Christian supports Darwin while Pickett, who apparently never came to faith according to my research, puts forth argumentation similar to William Jennings Bryan's at the Scopes Trial that could readily be torn apart by his opposition with ridicule. By the way, Scopes was convicted in that trial and the ruling was later overturned on a technicality. Christianity, however, was given a major black eye and Darwinism is held to be Truth. I think if someone wants to believe in evolution, the jackass should be the model, not the monkey...similarities of behavior are much more similar.

General Lee poses an interesting soliloquy that ends up as the last lines of the movie and is a good commentary on war. In talking with General Longstreet after Pickett's Charge has been crushed, he says:

"If they fight, we must fight them....And does it matter, after all, who wins?
Was that ever really the question? Will Almighty Got ask that question in the end?"
Probably not...


Resources for dialogue besides my brain: [http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/g/gettysburg-script-transcript-civil-war.html]

2:149, #453: July 18 Stuff

Today happens to be the day in history when Jerusalem fell in 586 BC and Adolf Hitler published Mein Kampf in 1925 AD...on a Saturday, the Jewish Sabbath. Seems to me there's more than a little piece of coincidence in that particular timing. After all, God used Babylon to severely discipline His people because they rejected Him before He sent the Messiah and then He posted notice that the Holocaust was in the offing in 1925 as a result of their rejecting Him after He sent Messiah.

Actually, my historical interpretation of the events of 1914-1945 is that God Caused a Second Thirty Years' War (in case you missed it, historical naming does not have to be year accurate in all circumstances, i.e., The Hundred Years War had intermittant peace times). The way I see it, "Christian" Europe never was that, just as America never was a "Christian nation," so God sent WWI...37 million dead, the Spanish Flu Pandemic of 1918...50-100 million dead/500 million infected, & WWII...70 million dead to get the world's attention after it had rejected His Messiah for all those centuries. The Christians were the real culprits in not being effective salt and light in the world's society. My Biblical basis for this analysis is what I call the Acts 1:8/8:1 Phenomenon...in 1:8 He commissions the Church to go into Jerusalem, Samaria, and all the earth, for the next 7 chapters the Church grows but does not follow orders, so in 8:1 God raises up Persecution and drove them...He constrained them to get into the boat in the Gospels...into all the ends of the earth, so to speak.

I wonder what He plans to do with all the New World Order goomers that are trying to take over the world and eventually establish themselves as gods while the Church does not follow His marching orders as we should? I guess Psalm 2:1-4 covers it, "Why are the nations in an uproar, and the peoples devising a vain thing? The kings of the earth take their stand, and the rulers take counsel together against the LORD and against His Anointed: "Let us tear their fetters apart, and cast away their cords from us!" He who sits in the heavens laughs, The Lord scoffs at them."
Got possible dead head count?

2:148, #452: Mowing Cogitations

If you mow over a bee while it's drawing nectar from a clover flower, does he get chopped up or just flung out at a high rate of speed, giving him a really good buzz?

While I was zooming around on my zero turn mower, I was thinking of a bumper sticker I could apply to either my car and/or my mower: "My Harley is a John Deere!!"

Do you ever wonder if you're breaking a law when you stand in front of a sign to read it and it says, "No parking, standing or stopping anytime?"

If the new John Deere 997 is a zero turn mower, was the old 950 tractor a doughnut turn tractor?

If "nothing runs like a Deere" why do people buy so many different type vehicles?

Can 24 years of inhaling diesel fumes be considered a mind altering drug situation?

Just curious.

2:147, #451: Have You Ever Noticed...

...that Romans 8:28, "God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love God," doesn't give that promise to those who don't?!!

...how sunrise is actually a horizontal rainbow...reminding God daily not to trash the earth once again with a Flood?!!

...that America's history is not one of starting a Christian nation, but one of European Mammonites conquering North American Canaanites while submitting to the Christian influence of a distinct minority among the Founding Fathers and later political activists? The last 100 years has been the natural "opposite reaction" of the non-Christian majority trying to throw off the tyranny of the God-fearing few...and they will succeed as the Church continues to allow it to happen.

...that "the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever?" Doesn't that suggest that the secondary end would be to simply glorify Him by spending eternity in Hell as an unbeliever?

Happy Bastille Day!!
Got prisoners to set free?

2:146, #450: Bob Wonders...

...if the device used to "torture and mutilate Elves, turning them into Orcs" as Saruman tells his Urukai was really a Mordor version of Windows or Facebook?

...if a politician like Sarah Palin "quits" and subsequently gets her name all over the press, if there was perhaps an ulterior motive in the announcement?

...if Facebook is a cunningly conceived plan to keep Christians away from folks who need to hear the gospel?

...if "middle age" is defined as 35-54 in an article describing the rise of Facebook Users, can we expect to live to be 108? At 57-7/12ths, I'm figuring I'm already Over the Big Hill with a GREAT view of Heaven as I gaze at it from the back porch of The Grey Havens!! And, if 70-80 is the average age granted to man, based on Scripture, does that make me 72-82% dead?

...if you bounce your reality check, do you get bailed out by the U.S. government through some amnesty program?
Just curious.

2:145,#449: Spam Makes Me Laugh

Well, this morning I got an email that warned me of "3 things you should never do in bed." Well, I dumped it and then thought:
1. Never drive your John Deere tractor in there.
2. Never build a barbecue on the sheets.
3. Never mix oil based paint there when trying to decide what color to paint the bedroom.

Oh, I STILL think calling crap emails "spam" is an insult to the delicious foodstuff that comes in the classic blue can as well as the Monty Python classic skit "Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam."

Got rye bread, mustard, and beer?

2:144, #448: Apologies and Some Thoughts

First: Apologies to Loudon Wainwright III...he wrote "Dead Skunk In The Middle of the Road" and performed it. I thought for sure Country Joe performed it...could be wrong...life goes on...Oobla Dee, Oobla Da!!

Second: I figure the true 'read' on the "immigration invasion" of the U.S. is that Hispanics are just trying to take back land that Anglos stole from them in the 19th century that other Hispanics stole from First Peoples in the 17th/18th centuries. The whole shebang is part of God's plan to have pagans beat up on pagans, causing disruption among Canaanite-like people groups so that Christians can be introduced to "every nation, tribe, and tongue" who will be represented before the Throne of God as Revelation 5:9 says.

Third: All the Christians who have prayed for the "10/40 Window" to be opened to missions work can take credit for all the wars and political upheavals throughout that region of the world the Lord is causing in order to give them their hearts desires as they delight themselves in Him. (Psalm 37:4)

Fourth: The Grey Havens window repairs/repainting is calling me...I'm outta here!!

2:143, #447: Dead Skunk In The Middle of the Road

Earlier this morning I posed the question on Facebook if people use deodorant because we're "born dead in trespasses and sins" and like Country Joe's Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road, we're "stinkin' to high, high Heaven!!" Didja ever wonder what was on the skunk's mind when he started out across the blacktop? Did the black road with the white stripe down the middle look like Skunk Almighty to the critter with poor eyesight? Just WHAT was the Lord thinkin' about when He created that particular perfume that comes out of the back end of Pepi Le Pew?!! ;p

What is it in tomato juice that washes out the smell when your puppy decides that curiosity is better than discretion when he/she contacts the "swamp kitty" for the first time? Is there a metaphysical picture of us being the stinkin' skunks in God's nostrils that can only be cleansed by the red, viscous fluid known as Christ's Blood?

Does this pondering count as a semi-early morning epiphany as I've got "Dead Skunk" as sung by Loudon Wainwright III cranked on You Tube? If you want a good listen, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UejelYnVI3U and crank that country western UP!! Gee, maybe we could incorporate this tune in the Stonewalled Charismatic Presbyterian Hymnal under the Total Depravity section??!!
Got tomato juice?

2:142, #446: Independence Day

Happy Fourth of July, you Americans! Too Bad, you Brits!! Christian King George III bungled a big one "back in the day" before his documented "madness" with what appears to be the disease porphyria...rent the movie, "The Madness of King George" starring Nigel Hawthorne and Helen Mirren for an entertaining look at history!

Speaking of movies, my Fourth Faves happen to be, not necessarily in order of preference...

"The Patriot" starring Mel Gibson for some great battle action, decent history, and a real tear jerking scene when his little girl finally talks to Benjamin Martin.
"Independence Day" for some sci-fi action, offbeat humor, and a saving the planet so we can become a Global Village theme.
"1776" gives us delightful music, a slightly twisted, though essentially true view of how we got to be a new nation, and some politically incorrect humor to spice up the view.
"Gettysburg" would, of course be on the list, since July 4 was the day that Bobby Lee et al retreated from their ignominious defeat in South Central Pennsylvania while at the same time Vicksburg was captured by the Union in the Western Theater, guarenteeing Union success in the next few years.
"Ken Burns' Civil War" is an excellent documentary which includes information on the Key to the Mississippi...Vicksburg; which, by the way, was named after Baptist missionary Newett Vick!!

So, when folks ask me if I have any plans for The Fourth, I reply, "Nothing planned, but a lot of cool movies to watch if I feel like it." Of course, messing around in my office blogging and commenting on Facebook have already become part of the non-agenda, so maybe I'll go type some more of Journal #3 into my computer to commemmorate my personal Independence Day, August 17, 1980 when the Lord opened the eyes of my heart and broke the shackles of my soul!!
Got weenies to roast on a REALLY long stick over the fires of Hell for the Marriage Feast of the Lamb?!!

2:141, #445: Gettysburg Goats

I've read a lot of information bad mouthing both General James Longstreet and General JEB Stuart on their roles in the Battle of Gettysburg. Well, as I point out in my Facebook status this morning, JEB Stuart actually did one of the two things cavalry traditionally did during the Civil War. Even though he did not serve as the 'eyes' of the Confederate army as Lee expected, he did gather up 120 wagons in his foraging raids that were then used as ambulances for Lee's Miserables wounded at Culp's Hill, Devil's Den, Pickett's Charge, and elsewhere on the 'fields of glory.' AND...JEB and his horsemen did not make it to the battle until late on the second day because he was forced further east by the Union Army's marching position...a situation brought about by faulty reconnaisance by Colonel John Singleton Mosby's report of the Federals' position when Lee sent Stuart off on his ride.

Likewise, General James Longstreet gets lambasted because he not only tried to dissuade Lee from attacking the stone wall in front of the clump of trees on the third day of the battle...a MONUMENTAL MISTAKE by the General Commanding...but also for delaying Pickett's Charge for as long as he did, hoping that Lee would change his mind; which he never did when "his blood was up." Frankly, Lee should have listened to Longstreet because the Yankees were entrenched behind the stone wall on high ground as the Rebels had been at their victory at Fredericksburg.

It also turned out that Lee's cannonade obscured his view of the Union lines because the wind was still for the 2 hours Lee's cannons were firing...a situation that did not allow Lee to realize his cannons were NOT driving "those people" off the position. And providentially in the coincidence of God, just as the Rebs stepped out of the woods at 3pm for Pickett's Charge, a wind drafted up the Emmitsburg Road, clearing smoke from the battlefield, and giving the Yanks a perfect field of fire to slaughter the Rebs...just like at Fredericksburg!!

Well, the monumental mistake has led to the most monumented-battlefield in American history. Got tour guide?

2:140, #444: Gettysburg, Day 2

One hundred, forty-six years ago, some fellows from below the Mason Dixie line decided to try a marathon run up Little Round Top south of Gettysburg and helped Colonel Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain gain American Idol status, not for his singing ability, but for the way he yelled, FIX BAYONETS!!...at least that's my theory now that I've watched "Gettysburg" for the 34th time.

Needless to say, I'm also listening to the soundtrack from said movie even as I type...providentially in the coincidence of God, the track entitled "Battle of Little Round Top." So...how many coincidences does it take to make a providence of God? One if you're willing to believe it, but a thousand won't be enough if you're not. Ya know, that might be an excellent opening for a book entitled, God Caused the Civil War; which, of course would have a strong Calvinistic flavor...kinda like spicy cajun chocolate ice cream on whole wheat waffles with whipped cream and a freshly picked sour cherry!!

Did I mention that the work cited above is available on Inter-Library Loan from Westminster Theological Seminary's Library?
Time to go build a scaffold at the Grey Havens...