2:92, #396: Head of The Undead

My brain kicked in at 3:45 this morning (one of those magic digital clock times I talk about in post #295 if you're interested) based on my current gaming interest, Age of Wonders II. In this game, all sorts of people groups...Archons, Humans, Elves, Orcs, Goblins, Undead and others...beat up on each other for world domination. Turns out Nekron, Head of the Undead is an Anarchist and ends up losing his troops on a regular basis through desertion; which makes beating anyone else a stimulating mental challenge for the I'm-Gonna-Win-If-It-Kills-Me type Problem Solver Personality.

While I was letting the Undead stew on the back of the mental stove after two disappointments... there's a visual for you imaginative types who have seen "Pirates of the Caribbean"...I was whuppin' up on everyone as Head of the Elves and spot-reading Stephen E. Ambrose's D-Day, June 6, 1944: The Climactic Battle of World War II. It turns out that one of the principles he identifies as typical of the Nazi War Machine was "divide and rule"...Hitler's way of making sure nobody really knew who was in charge of what so that he could be Top Dog. In the margin of that paragraph I wrote, "No house can stand divided against itself," remembering Jesus' words about Satan and his "kingdom"...it just occurred to me...how can a "prince of the powers of the air" actually have a king-dom...maybe it should be his king-dumb, based on his lugubrious history from covering angel to cast out of heaven. But I sorta digress...

This morning's early cogitations, gently marinating like some bouillabaisse of the brain, made me think of The American Church, based on a conversation I had with a new friend, Sam, with whom I spoke whilst digging chickweed from around Bob The Lacy Leaf Chinese Red Maple on Friday. We got around to how many Presbyterian denominations there are...ARP, CRC, PCA, OPC, PCUSA, Ad Nauseum Presbyterians (15 listed in Wikipedia)...and I said only the Babdists are better at separating from each other...deserting like those dastardly Undead Cavalry et al now that I think of it...and my heart was saddened at the state of our disunion as a Body. Reading Selwyn Hughes' devotional sections on "Revival" doesn't help my disgruntled state of mind, yet 1 Corinthians 15:58 reminds me to "be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your work is not in vain in the Lord."

Oh, Yeah...since ALL people are born "dead in your trespasses and sins" as Ephesians 2:1 says, I guess, technically, we Born Again Types REALLY are God's Undead, Eh?!! We miss out on the Second Death talked about in Revelation and get to feast with the Lamb on more than green eggs and ham!!! And good ceegahs all around in the anchovy pizza section with a glass of white Grenache wine!!

Can you believe that I've been awaiting the Spirit's Move since at least January 23, 1983, when I first recorded my Revive The American Church request?

2:91, #395: Jesus, Not The Bible

This morning one of my favorite books (One Year Book of Christian History) rubbed my exegetical nerve raw once again. After telling the story of a 16th century English martyr burned by Queen Mary, it asked if I'd be willing to die so as not to give up my Bible. Then it quoted Hebrews 4:12, "For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Now, although this is true of the Bible as God's written word, look at the very next sentence: "And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do." I bold-faced/italicized the reference points for a particular reason. Every Bible in production should have "word" capitalized to indicate that verse 12 is talking about Jesus, not the Bible, as verse 14 further confirms: "Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession." Maybe then Christians...lay, ordained, and otherwise...might figure out the proper use of this verse.

Hey, if you want The-Bible-Is-Better-Than-Sliced-Bread quotes, go to 2 Timothy 3:16-17, "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work." Or Jeremiah 23:29, "Is not My word like fire?" declares the LORD, "and like a hammer which shatters a rock?" Or how about Isaiah 55:11, "So shall My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me empty, Without accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it."

Well, the mellow music from "Lord of the Rings" when the Fellowship escapes from Moria without Gandalf (because he sacrificed himself against the Balrog of Morgoth on the Bridge of Khazad Dhum) is currently mellowing me out as I built up that head of exegetical steam, so just imagine Jesus saying to Satan in the great public domain painting created by the 19th century artist Ary Scheffer, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!" Or maybe, since Jesus was a redneck carpenter, "I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR HEAD OFF!"...in Galilean Aramaic, of course. Oh, "I'm gonna slap your head off" would be a variant reading of "He will bruise you on the head" from Genesis 3:15, for you exegetical wizards familiar with the NASB...Newly Annotated Sexton Bible!
Got proof texts?

2:90, #394: Navigating Through Life

Today in 1906 Dawson Trotman was born. He was in the navy during WWII and founded The Navigators, a discipleship group that emphasizes Scripture memorization, or as Psalm 119:11 says, "I have hidden Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against You." (Cool Public Domain picture of the U.S.S. Constitution ain't it?!!)

Back when I got saved in August, 1980 I decided to memorize Scripture in order to break my pipe smoking habit that I could no longer afford since my eating addiction...something Mom got me started on at a very young age...took precedence over smoking. My natural Conspiracy Theorist tendencies also caused me to think I'd better know the Bible as best as I could so that I'd have it at hand when "They" took away all our Bibles here in the USofA as has happened in so many other countries worldwide down through the centuries. Let me illustrate how having Scripture memorized can be a benefit.

Early on, I memorized "Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools" from Ecclesiastes 7:9 one morning. That afternoon when a fellow employee wanted to buy some roofing shingles and bad mouthed me about the cost, I was about to tell him where he could stick the shingles when the Spirit "brought to remembrance...[what] He had taught me" (John14:26). I metaphysically bit my tongue and suggested another source for the shingles. (I wonder if Raymond ever came to the saving knowledge of the Lord as a result of my prayers to that effect...Acts 26:18...and God's Providence?)

Then there are the numerous times I'd like to turn the air blue with imprecations when my anger rises, but fortunately Ephesians 4:29 cuts me off, "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:26, "Be angry, yet do not sin..." also slams the breaks on some indulgence in the verbal world.

My last illustration is for you worry-warts. Psalm 121 asks from where can you Christians expect your help...from "He Who keeps Israel and neither slumbers nor sleeps." I figure if God's gonna be up all night taking care of my business, I might as well get a good night's sleep!! That way I can seek His kingdom early in the day while he's providing for all my needs and I don't have to worry about tomorrow because it will take care of itself. (Mt. 6:33, 34)

They will be taking away our Bibles someday soon, I think.
Got passages down pat?

2:89, #393: Grampa asks, "Howcome?"

Howcome...
1. When I trim my mustache, all the white hairs on my dark flannel shirt turn to dark ones in the white sink?
2. When men lose hair on their heads, they have to grow it in their ears?
3. Asian women with jet-black hair don't have little mustaches, sideburns, and hairy arms like Caucasian brunettes?
4. Christians haven't figured out that Jesus compares us to sheep, the stupidest animal on earth?
5. Preachers never point out that part of the "conforming to His image" in Romans 8 includes the Suffering Servant of Isaiah 53?
6. I've never heard a sermon pointing out that Paul was chosen specifically "to suffer for My Name's sake?"
7. People on Facebook have to be such whiners?
8. Nobody has decided to match Facebook with another site called Trivia Pursuers?
9. Christians pray I Chronicles 7:14 for revival but fail to see the conditions God said in the first part of the sentence in 7:13?
10. Christians "struggle to find God's will" when there are numerous passages that detail it, like I Thessalonians 5:16-18?

Just curious.

2:88, #392: Bobbo's Theories

1. It struck me again this morning that, if folks are going to believe Darwin's Theory of Evolution, they should change the animal from the ape to the jackass.

2. If the Lord is going to "descend with a shout" at the End of All Things (can you guess what music is playing in the background here at The Big House?), maybe...just maybe...John Madden gives us a clue as to how the Lord started time and everything else. When Madden was announcing football he would say something like, "He cut across the line and BANG, gained eight yards!" My theory is that the Lord said, "Let there be Light, BANG!"...and there was light...hence some credibility in The Big Bang Theory!

3. The leper's that "fell on their faces" to worship Jesus and get healed lost body parts in the prostration process that Jesus had to redo as he did Malchus's ear Peter cut off in the Garden of Gethsemane.

4. Bobbo is the perfect nickname for me when I pontificate on some things. In Korean, it means "stupid one." So Stupid's Theories works for today's entry.
Got light in your world?

2:87, #391: Amazing Grace Happenings

1. I just successfully put Judy Collins back in my computer since I've got her cd with "Amazing Grace" on it in my office.
2. Yesterday I missed posting, so "Happy Re-Birthday, John Newton!" as you observe things with that "great cloud of witnesses" Hebrews 12:1 talks about! It was back on March 21, 1748 John Newton got saved; which led to his writing the most popular hymn ever, in my humble opinion.
3. Yesterday also marked the death of Confederate General Joseph Johnston in 1891 as a result of contracting pneumonia because he attended Union General William Tecumseh Sherman's funeral in February but went hatless out of respect for his former nemesis of the March Through Georgia.
General Joe was one of the 300,000 or so who got saved as a result of being in the Civil War.
4. I was just reading this morning Charles Spurgeon's comment that, to paraphrase him and Scripture, "Pray and it will be given to you, good measure, pressed down, shaken together, poured into your lap. My attestation to the truth of that is 184,813 specific prayer answers.
5. Dang...I just got to share the Gospel with a guy on Facebook in a Scripture discussion group. Now that's an Amazing Grace happening!
Later...

2:86, #390 Sunny Periodic Radiation Increase Necessitating Gardening

Yessiree, Bob...today I am absolutely convinced that the Globe Is Warming...let me give you the signs.
1. At 5:45am the snow was coming down in those thick, wet flakes that only stick to the grass and cover cars, but not roads and walks. Round these parts we call it the Pea Snow.
2. Ironhead the Woodpecker was hammering away in the woods yesterday.
3. I spotted Boo Radley the Mockingbird a couple of days ago.
4. Elfson tells me Archangel spotted Richelieu the Cardinal this week. I guess instead of "What do your Elf eyes see?" I'd say, "What do your Angel eyes see?"
5. I've been seeing bunches of male Robins in this part of the Hood.
6. For the next 10 days, the temperature highs will be in the 50s, lows in the 30s/40s.
7. Rita's Water Ice is free today...one per customer.

Oh, in case you didn't figure out the acronym in the title line: Happy First Day of Spring!!

2:85, #389: Strawberry Shortcake Theology

Everyone who is not lactose intolerant understands that ice cream is one of the best comfort foods available. (Some prefer chocolate...some just eat chocolate ice cream!) Over the last two days I've observed the healing powers of strawberry shortcake. Proverbs 3:5-8 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones."

Apparently, if you trust in the Lord, fear Him, acknowledge Him and eat some of The Cook's shortcake it, too, will be a healing to your body and refreshment to your bones! Of course, "I'm going to get so fat!" is the inevitable comment of all of you sisters who follow Grampa Bob's advice, so I'd say, "Eat TWO pieces...one for each hip!"

And look forward to Heaven, ladies...you'll get to eat at The Marriage Feast and not have to worry about "getting fat"...a condition addressed in Leviticus 3:16 and Bob-ism #29! There's only one question to answer in regard to Shortcake Theology:
Got milk? ;P

2:84, #388: Saint Patricks

Today is the day, according to a sign in a Guinness Brewery, when "everyone is Irish"...somewhat ethnocentric, but nobody pays careful attention to beer ads, now do they?!! St. Patrick went from being a slave of the Irish to being the evangelist of the Irish after his conversion...check out his story to see why this has become a rather famous day in Anglo-Celtic history. Today is also the anniversary of the birth of Saint Patrick Cleburne in 1828... pictured at right in yet another public domain illustration. I describe him as Saint Patrick quite simply because he was while on earth until he shuffled off this mortal coil with a bullet in the chest at the ill-conceived attack of Confederate forces at the Battle of Franklin, Tennessee in 1864.

General Pat was a Christian who not only was influential in the revivals within the Army of Tennessee (something without great historical coverage) by facilitating and encouraging preaching in his camps, but tried to get all Southern slaves freed so they could be enlisted in the Confederate Armies in 1864 in order to secure Southern independence...a proposal that was politely ignored by Confederate authorities even though it was also espoused by General Robert E. Lee.

He was also known as the "Stonewall of the West" because of his excellent use of terrain, tactics, and troops in much the same way as General Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson did in the East. His piety was as well-known and accepted as Jackson's. Essentially, he was an all-around good guy. So, I wish y'all a "top o' the morning" and a raise of the glass after working hours to The Patricks who followed their Lord in somewhat different paths and different ages but who followed Him none-the-less!
Got Yuengling?

2:83, #387: Keep On Singing

I'm ready to rip some heads off right now after somebody stole firewood I had cut for a person in need one of our student's knows. Guess the hymn, "How Can I Keep From Singing" is designed providentially to keep me from further mental mayhem. Facebook, on the other hand is working to counterbalance the calm.

This is more of a test for some stuff, not so much an actual post.
Got pleasant tunes in your life?

2:82, #386: Revivals and Wars

One of the books I'm reading these days is Selwyn Hughes' devotional, Every Day Light. I'm in the section on revivals and his take on the pros and cons of them. As I'm typing my hand written prayer journals into my computer, I see that the first recorded time I requested nationwide revival of the American Church was January 23, 1983.

I've begun to observe an historical pattern that may even prompt me to do research for another book, titled something like God Caused The Church To Get Off Its Butt, or something like that. In any event, there was Pentecost, which Hughes says was the pattern for all revivals. After that came the various Emperors' Persecutions over the course of about 3oo years. Persecutions were wars of the Pagans vs. Christians.

When I was researching God Caused the Civil War (maybe I should change the title to God May Have Influenced the War of Southern Aggression?) I noticed that the American Revival of 1859 prepared a lot of hearts prior to the Civil War. That was the same time of revivals in the British Empire that had lots of "small" wars in the next 40 years.

The Great Awakening of 1730-1755 preceded the French and Indian War as well as the War of Independence. The Second Great Awakening of 1790-1840 swept America with The War of 1812, the War of Texas Independence, and preceded the Mexican War. The Third Great Awakening of 1850-1900 covered The Civil War, The Indian Wars, and the Spanish American War.

The Welsh Revivals of 1904-05 apparently fired up revivals in India, China, Korea, Africa, and America...the 1906 Azusa Street Revival in Los Angeles to be specific. World War I affected all these nations not too long after that from 1914-18.

The Jesus Movement occurred in conjunction with the Vietnam War.

Since January 23, 1983...a Sunday, by the way...we've seen Desert Storm in 1990-91, Operation Enduring Freedom began in 2001 after the 9/11 World Trade Centers bombing, and Iraqi Freedom began March 19, 2003...we're coming on the end of the 6th year of the war.
Obviously, I've got holes to fill...I might point out, however, that April 12, 2011 is the 15oth anniversary of the start of The Civil War, so we might be due. Have you noticed that Christians are not liked so much in America any more?
Got revival prayers?

2:81, #385: Self Fulling Prophecy

Hey, I told you what happens twice, happens thrice, so here's post #3 for today....I'm picking up my prophet's mantle for the moment in a post-Reformation, Van Tillian, Zen Buddhist Feng Shui sorta way. It seems absolutely appropriate, given the various comments I've received of late about my synaptic processes that Audiovisualman should get me a Captain Malcolm Reynolds tee shirt and a ball cap that says, "Man With the Screaming Brain." Now I have to Google the latter to see what's up...back in a jiffy as I flame across Internetspace in my mental chariot....well, Wikipedia presented a rather sicko sci-fi flick as the story behind the phrase. Check it out if you want, but it falls under the Aint-Ever-Gonna-Be-Played-At-Grey-Havens category, if you ask me.

Never-the-less my brain can keep on screaming; especially considering I have to remove an extra copy of every song on my computer because of some extra-terrestrial glitch in giving me a hard drive...I'll bet one of my prayer partners is praying for patience for me again and the Lord has given me this computer to produce the trials that cause me to use what I've already got as part of the fruit of the Spirit.

Frankly, I think the Woodland Elves want to sing the songs twice as much and slipped into the machinery while Elfson was in the conversion process (my computer, not his). In any event, I'm passing the winds of "Gettysburg" as my Feng as it rolls over the 70% Shui of my brain in order to compose my universe to my own specifications as I head "out to the black, so tell them I ain't comin' back! Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me since I found Serenity!! Actually, I just now turned on the "Firefly" album, so nobody's damagin' my calm!!
Got mood enhancers?

2:80, #384: What Happens Twice...

Can you believe it?!! Here we are only three months into 2009 and we've already had two Friday The Thirteenths!! And as the old adage says, "What happens twice, happens thrice," so we're also picking one up in my birth month of November this year! Gloriosky, Ned...that means I turn 58 on a Sunday!! This, of course, means that my half-birthday falls on a Friday...the perfect night for a gala bash at the Mexican Restaurant alluded to in today's first post, "Mapolet of Slush," so write the day in on your Daytimers and, as Sinbad's character says in "Necessary Roughness" (a great depiction of underdogs overcoming in the world of college sports)..."LET'S PAHTAY!!"

Well, I hear some firewood calling to be cut up, so "Let's Pahtay with the chainsaw!"

2:79, #383: Mapolet of Slush

Well, in the short term prophecy department I'm batting 1000%! Archangel did tell me that "mapolet" is Hebrew not only for "avalanche" but is the name for the game Jenga for all those Israelis who like to see a wooden block avalanche on their kitchen tables when the loser pulls out the wrong block from the stack. (If you're in the dark, get enlightened by Googling "Jenga.") As for my prophetic mantel, I believe I'll hang it up before I go get stoned; a condition universally ascribed by Bob Dylan in one of his songs of the 60s.

So...an "Avalanche of Slush" would be a massive discharge of cranial cogitations cascading down from Mount Moron Under My Hat after someone yodeled "YO DA LAY-HEE HOO!!" I suppose. It would be the net accumulation of extended observations incubated from, for instance, watching ALL 14 episodes of "Firefly" in one day as bookends of a joyous 3-hour birthday celebration at a Mexican restaurant, or, perhaps, deftly contemplating the perambulations of an entire 8-episode season of the BBC production of "Robin Hood" back to back to back to back.

It would be an expertly woven tapestry of mental perambulations of cinematography lines that have ontological expressiveness as, for instance, River Tam's line to Jayne Cobb, "Also...I can kill you with my brain!" It would be a mental confrontation similar to that of Jester Hairston's character, Old Jethro, in the John Wayne version of "The Alamo" when he CHASTISES Col. Travis for remonstrating with Col. Jim Bowie and challenges him to a duel... "I may be an old man, Colonel, BUT YOU'RE WRONG!" (A line I will be incorporating in my life in the not-too-distant future to CHASTISE (another great word from the same movie so aptly elucidated by Chill Wills' character, Bee Keeper) the young'uns in my life when we hold mutually exclusive opinions on a subject and I happen to be disinclined to acquiesce (thank you, Captain Barbossa of "Pirates of the Caribbean") with their thoughts.

It would be an on-rush of obfuscating verbiage designed to flaunt vocabulary and bedazzle the reader with self indulgent tirades that eventually get to a point but need some quick wit and careful perusal of the said materials, much as Sir Humphrey Appleby clouds most issues when asked by Jim Hatcher a reasonably direct question in both "Yes, Minister" and "Yes, Prime Minister," two BBC series that satirically lambast the British government system of elected officials trying to move the impediments to change deftly constructed by members of the civil service who cannot be fired. When carefully analyzed, the series can be presuppositionally perceived to be an excoriating view of the Presbyterian Polity or the Evangelical Church world-wide whose Seven Last Words have been and probably will continue to be world-without-end, "It's Never Been Done That Way Before!!"

Ohhhh....and as for the precisely chosen pictorial representation of a Mapolet, it was deftly acquired from my favorite pictorial archive, Wikipedia, due to this particularly American tax-payer pleasing statement attached to the description of said evidentiary representation: "The work is in the public domain in the United Stated because it is a work of the United States Federal Government under the terms of Title 17, Chapter 1, Section 105 of the U.S. Code." In other words, the deduction for Federal Income Tax made from my Gross Income during the calendar year 1974 has been designated in my Post-Reformation, Van Tillian, Zen Buddhist world life mental perambulations to acquire said photographic material for this particular post. (My current government-sponsored withholdings are designated for parts of a Patriot Missile already launched at Saddam Hussein's part of the Kingdom of Evil.)

Got movies scheduled for the weekend?

2:78, #382: Maypo Let & Other Ramblings

Mapolet is apparently a Hebrew word that means something...I'll probably have my brain upgraded by Archangel after she reads this the way Elfson upgraded my near-defunct hard drive yesterday and today.
The reason I put up Maypo Let is that Maypo was a great tasting hot breakfast cereal when I was a kid in the 50s (that would be 1950s, not 1850s wiseguys!) and having forgotten 99% of my Hebrew from seminary daze allowed me to run with the long-aaayy sound. Hey...Wikipedia uses the phrase "Maypo is a maple-flavored brand of oatmeal" so it appears the good stuff is still around...hopefully newly made, not just left over for 50 years.

Speaking of hard drives...I've put in with the help of Elfson, as I said, about 5 hours getting back to where I was two days ago in a waiting-for-the-catastrophe-to-happen mode of almost feeling the hard drive's pain...ooops, slipping into some Zen animism here...as it groaned to do the few things I asked of it. Fortunately, whoever has been praying for patience for me hasn't been praying to fervently because I haven't been taxed beyond what I am able...but I guess that goes without saying in all circustance, doesn't it?!! Well, there's still some difficulties with the music that's supposed to be on my machine, but I'll deal with that as I go along The Long and Winding Road...thank you, Beatles.

The good news about yesterday's long haul to get the new drive installed got me outside once the weather got tolerable to chain saw up some tree limb for firewood for a single mom in a student's congregation, so Deaconal Work 101 went well. Similarly, I actually learned something new about the chainsaw and tuned it up so it worked well...job satisfaction is satisfying, isn't it?!!

The last ramble is that I've been included in a list of sidebar blogsites that has a heading that reads "KLODS." Phonetically speaking, being listed among other clods could either irritate me as an insult to my obviously vastly superior intellect or it could be a left handed dirt person compliment indicating those in the list are images of The Good-Dirt-Guy, Adam, about whom I wrote several posts ago in #378: I've Got Dirt In My Blood. Well, either way, maybe I'll learn some 21st century blog-lingo later on, too.
Got Old Dog Tricks?

2:77, #381: Bricks and Other Things

I've often wondered why a missionary friend of mine would describe his wife of 40+ years as "a brick." He said it in a complimentary way, indicating that she was steadfast in her support of and love towards him, was my well-thought conclusion. Maybe it was just me, but I couldn't help thinking immediately that she was "thick as a brick" (dense in the brain department) and not part of a Jethro Tull album!! Then there was the possibility that she was "built like a brick"...not exactly something that would make her leap with glee...assuming a brick could, in fact, leap.

Oh, and while I think of it...Why is it that a woman who has a fabulous figure is "built like a brick outhouse?" Is it that much more expensive to construct? Is it that it is immovable? Does the half-moon usually found on the door have anything to do with it? "The Straight Dope" website says the phrase was originally applied to powerful men, then not-attractive women, then some wiseguy applied it to a good looking lady and linguistically it stuck...kinda like the smell to the original accommodation.

I think my illustration (created in Paint, no less) that I used when I discussed the phrase Privy Council might have further use if some unwise guys address the women of their lives in an un-considered fashion using the above phrase as a compliment and have it taken the wrong way. Pilloried might be an easy way out, given how some folks might draw out the mental torment for such an affront.

2:76, #380: The Monitor vs. Merrimack Party

Yessiree, Bob, it's the 147th anniversary of the initiation of modern naval warfare when the U.S.S. Monitor defeated the C.S.S. Virginia, a.k.a. the Merrimack on a beautiful Sunday morning in Hampton Roads, Virginia. (Note the public domain Currier & Ives pic to the right.) Once again, it was the Sabbath-breaker's defeat...yes, DEFEAT... because Southern objectives were to destroy the wooden ships of the North that were parked in Hampton Roads and that did not happen on Sunday. Now, granted, on Saturday when statistically speaking, attackers win 67% of the time during the War of Southern Aggression, the Merrimack wrecked a couple of wooden ships, so it won that day, but not the next.

The Monitor's objective was to prevent the destruction of the Union fleet, not to destroy the ironclad Merrimack, so it did win the battle in spite of the faulty opinions of most historians that chalk it up as a draw. Interestingly enough, both ships ended up at the bottom of the drink for one reason or another, sunk by their owners either by gunpowder (Merrimack) or by storm (Monitor). I've thought it significant that the start of ironclad ship warfare should be on a Sunday morning ever since I did the research for God Caused the Civil War.

Maybe I could get publishers interested if I changed the title to Do You Think God Initiated the War of Southern Aggression?...nah, probably not.
Got brass Napoleon cannon lawn ornaments?

2:75, #379: "You'll Poke Your Eye Out!"

After watching the "Lord of the Rings Trilogy" (extended version, of course) for the 27th time... that would be about 324 hours traipsing through Middle Earth over the last several years of movie viewing for those of you who care...I came to the conclusion that the phrase that mothers down through the ages on Earth That Is have been yelling at their sons who play with sharpened sticks, bows and arrows, and the occasional swords originated during the Third Age of Middle Earth.

Yep, when Old Shelob the giant spider gave birth to a bunch of youngsters she invariably, at least in my world life view, of course, told her kids, "NO...you're not playing with Sam Gamgee...he'll poke your eye out!!" For those few of you who don't know the story...read the books or rent the movie and you'll get the joke. For those of you who do...well, you're blessed one more time now, are you not?!!

Got Sting?

2:74, #378: I Have Dirt In My Blood

No...this is not a declaration of some hematological imperfection that will bring about some medical emergency or my immediate demise. This is an ontological/metaphysical declaration that I am created in the image of God as a descendant of the Original Dirtball!! I'm certain that the Lord used "good dirt" in Genesis 2:7 when He, "...formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being." Why am I sure of that? Because God's own assessment of His handiwork...Oh, when he simply spoke things into being, was that his "Wordiwork?"...I feel another post coming on...was that "it was very good." When all else fails, state the obvious, I often say!!

Now, for those of you who are not Dirt People...defined as folks who actually enjoy getting their hands and other parts soiled with working in the garden, doing landscaping, tilling the earth like most Hobbits..."good" dirt is that which contains the nutrients in which plant life will thrive. No, that was not from Dictionary.com, but yours truly. And for the moment, I'm speaking horticulturally only. Good dirt may look like nothing particularly special, but for six years it will support the plant life you want to grow in it without adding fertilizer...in a diminishing way, of course, as the nutrients are used up on a certain ground plot. Hmmm...a ground plot might be a Conspiracy Theorist's phrase for Satan's nastiness once he hit the earth after being chucked out of heaven in the First Civil War...but I digress!

Holy Fertilizer, Batman! I just realized that one of my most-repeated Bob-isms has not made it to the list on this site! Here I am discussing dirt in my blood, gardening, and all that and I've yet to mention that "The day before The Fall, Adam was a Gardener. The day after The Fall, he was a Maintenance Man!" There's my job description in a nutshell, inherited from Adam through a long line of progenitors. Interestingly enough, I get paid to be Camp Cornelius Maintenance Guy AND Gardener Guy when I'm doing all the fun things outside I do to make my 17 acres horticulturally happy. Vegetable gardening is a labor of love, I guess, and the Lord certainly does not let Love's Labor get Lost because He provides me with abundant foodstuffs from dirt, seeds, sun, water, and air...nice Feng Shui in a post-Edenic, Van Tillian sort of Tao!! ;p

Got zucchini?

2:73, #377: The Alamo

Since today is the anniversary of the final attack on The Alamo in 1836 (the left hand public domain picture), I thought I'd comment on it a bit. This is a little piece from Chapter 3 of God Caused the Civil War, my contribution to the 70,000 plus manuscripts on the War of Northern Aggression:
The most famous mission church on American soil stands in San Antonio, Texas....the Alamo [pic from Wikipedia], was originally part of the Spanish colonization effort in the 18th century of south western North America. The Spanish explorers used religion to Christianize the numerous Native Americans of the Southwest much in the same way Northern Europeans did in the Eastern portion of the continent when they arrived. The intent was to introduce them to Christianity, which some...perceived to be the true religion. It was also designed to alter Native American ways of life so that they were more amenable to the Spaniard's rule. This form of pacification was used until warfare became necessary. All the peoples of history who have been conquered by culturally different nations have seen this happen. The Alamo and its four sister missions would later be secularized by the Mexican government at the time Mexico became a nation separated from the Spanish Empire.
Apparently, if the Mexicans followed most rebellious peoples’ example, they had called upon the Almighty to help them gain their independence from Spanish oppression, but they decided to set aside His services at least until the next national crisis made them think that some Divine outside help might be useful....

The Alamo was a silent testimony in 1836, as churches of all denominations were during the Civil War, to God’s handwriting on the wall for judgment. It holds the same message today. The Spanish in their turn, as well as Texans and Tennesseans in theirs, were using God and his representative building in a manipulative fashion to get His stamp of approval on their already determined actions. When they no longer needed Him, His house became a broken down shrine to independence and to a concept of freedom vague enough to include Anglos and some Tejanos, but not Negroes or Native Americans. Coincidentally, after Lincoln was elected, the Alamo became the site for a Texas-style debate between pro-unionists and secessionists in November of 1860. “The secessionist speech was inflammatory and rabble-rousing...the pro-Union one given by Charles Anderson, brother of Major Robert Anderson of Fort Sumter fame...was just as intemperate and insulting...he had to be protected from the crowd by the Knights [of the Golden Circle]. Anderson later said that the night would certainly have ended in bloodshed, except that the unionists, who were in the majority, were unarmed, whereas, the Knights and secessionists all had guns.”(2) The handwriting on the wall was “WAR!” and in yet another twist of history, Texans led by future Confederate General Ben McCullough surrounded the Alamo on February 16, 1861 to demand its surrender–one week short of the twenty-fifth anniversary of Santa Anna’s siege during the War of Texas Independence.(3) This time, the men inside the Alamo surrendered and survived.

So what's my point? Let me use my Epilogue to illustrate. "The United States stands at a time in its history as controversial and pivotal as the middle of the nineteenth century. If Evangelicals in America do not more actively live out their expressed beliefs, then 'the time has come for judgment to begin at the house of God; and if it begins with us first, what will be the end of those who do not obey the gospel of God?'(1 Peter 4:17) As Abraham Lincoln said at Gettysburg, Americans of every description have a great task before us. May God cause us to walk by His light, since the handwriting is on the wall."

The right hand picture at the top of the post is part of the aftermath of the bloodiest day in American history...The Battle of Antietam, September 17, 1862...the bodies are outside the Dunker Church, symbolic of the similar judgment awaiting us as we approach the 150th anniversary of the Civil War if Christians don't change our nation.
Got motivation?

Sources:

2) Phillip Rutherford, "Texas Leaves The Union." Civil War Times Illustrated, June 1981, p. 15.
3) Ibid., p. 19.

2:72, #376: Demons, Pinheads, and Pigs

Yeah, that's what I titled this, based on the Gerasene demoniac episode in Mark 5:1-20! Last post I cruised over the details of the episode in order to get to the Matthew 17/Elijah Principle in my last paragraph. Today at breakfast I re-read the story and came up with some other questions that may or may not have anything to do with anything, but indulge me! ;p

In verse 6 it says, "When he (the demon-possessed guy) saw Jesus from afar, he ran and worshiped Him." Doesn't that seem a bit odd? Here's a guy with at least 2,000 demons inside him...a Roman Legion, John MacArthur's notes point out, had 6,000 infantrymen...and somehow he manages to run up to Jesus and worship Him...I'm assuming some sort of falling down prostrate in body position. Jesus talks to the demons in the guy and they actually "implore Him by God" not to torment him/them. Jesus cuts them a break by 1) allowing them to stay in the region, 2) letting them go into the herd of swine, and 3) apparently not tormenting them for the time being, presumably until Judgment Day. Now, some thoughts:

1) Would any Christians on the Pork Advertising Council ever consider "the demon preferred meat" to "the other white meat" in their ad campaigns, given the downhill plummet...much like the swine herd in question...of our nation of Gentiles?
2) We've just solved the flip side of the Medieval question of "how many angels can stand on the head of a pin?" by determining that at least 2,000 evil spirits can dwell in the head of a man.
3) After the herd "ran violently down the steep place into the sea, and drowned..." where did Legion go? Did they float around in rotting pig carcasses or just hang around the region since they appeared to be territorial from their request to Jesus in verse 10 where they asked him not to "send them out of the country?" Actually the angels-on-pin-head question needs clarification: straight pin? push pin? bowling pin?
4) The Gerasene folks who showed up, saw the demoniac "sitting and clothed and in his right mind" were afraid and began to plead with Him to depart from their region. Were they afraid they would end up in their right minds? Did Legion scoot into them once the piggies were afloat?
Did they get bent out of shape because their BBQ would have to be canceled? Or would they just have fished for swine and held a massive BBQ instead?
5) What do you think was the ex-possessed guy's evangelistic success rate once he started going around Decapolis? Maybe it was as good as the ex-Pharisee, Saul's, in other regions of the Middle East and Asia Minor. It'll be interesting to talk to the guy at the Marriage Feast, presupposing we get to do stuff like that there. (Should that be "There" as a proper noun?)

Well, "Ashokan Farewell" (the theme song for Ken Burns' Civil War) is providentially playing on my New Mellow List, so I believe the Spirit is moving me to bid y'all "Adieu...grace and peace throughout the day!!"

2:71, #375: Speaking of Oversights...

I was reading Mark 4 whilst consuming an Italian hoagie for lunch and came across another one of my oversights...this one has been for 29 years! It's the story of Jesus calming the Sea of Galilee that is also told in Matthew 8 and Luke 8. The only difference is that Mark 4:36 says, "And leaving the multitude, they took Him along with them, just as He was, in the boat; and other boats were with Him." This is the first time it ever registered with me that there were other boats following the one Jesus and the disciples sailed!! So here we have the disciples in a boat with Jesus and a bunch of tag-alongs getting caught in the very same storm that scared the disciples enough that they thought they were perishing and called Jesus to help...smart move on their part, even if they were trepidatious!!

Now...just exactly HOW did the tag-alongs act and react to storm/no storm conditions? Were they close enough to hear Jesus rebuke the storm and calm the sea? Would he have used a deep, loud Cecil B. DeMille type "God Voice" to get the job done?!! (For that matter, was Jesus a tenor or bass?) Did any of them have the same awed reaction to His majesty as the disciples?

Now here's oversight #2 about this section of Mark...After they landed, Jesus had to deal with the demon possessed man who lived in the tombs near Gerasene and was uncontrollable, so He cast out the evil spirit, healed the guy, and sent him off to Decapolis as a Gentile (presumably) evangelist! Here we have the mountain-top-experience-to-demon-valley deal of Matthew 17 in a watery frame of reference! (Also what I call the Elijah Principle where he whupped up on 450 Baal prophets only to beat a hasty retreat from one woman named Jezebel in I Kings 18.) Here we have another illustration of what I've observed to be a normal pattern in Christians' lives...a glorious experience followed shortly by a bummer of demonic proportions!!

Well, to quote myself: "Step into the eye of the storm...get outta the wind!"
Got spiritual rain coat and umbrella?

2:70, #374: Oversight Committee

I've often been amused by the implications of this particular combination of words in regards to guys who are supposed to be running some show. Are they, in essence, in charge of all the mistakes that nobody could figure out ahead of time? Just a thought.

More to the point, I've actually made a couple of oversights...call them temporary lapses in the not-so-hard drive in my brain that needed to be rebooted. First of all, in Post 2:67, #371: Where You From?, I mistakenly had Edward Longshanks invading Scotland in 1514...it was actually Sunday, June 24,1314. Earlier in that post I mentioned that "...and then they will know that I am the Lord" is mentioned 246 times in Ezekiel...my bad!! That phrase is used 62 times throughout the book. What confused me was that "The Lord" is used 214 times (YHVH in Hebrew) and "Lord God" 218 times (Adonay in Hebrew) to make God's point about Himself to all the nations.

Now...my Oversight Committee...that would be Me, Myself, and I...hopes you will not feel that the veracity of the author and perfector of this Self Indulgence is too substantially flawed, but that you will check all the sources and comments made here so that you will do like the Bereans did with Paul in Acts 17:11, "Now these were more noble-minded than those in Thessalonica, for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily, to see whether these things were so." Hey, if folks had the good sense to check out what Paul said, checking out what I write might be a good idea!!

Got original sources?

2:69, #373: Bob's Bookworm Bookshelf

OK, I've just looked over a bunch of Best 100 Novels websites because the BBC irritated me with their clearly British-author-weighted list that's found it's way around Facebook. I figure any list created by anybody is somewhat egocentric with its choices, so I qualify with the best/worst of them. This Blog won't let me create columns in this format...or at least I haven't figured out how to make it do it...so I'll post the BBC ones I've read, then my additions...with comments, of course:

Lord of the Rings...definitely my favorite novel
Hobbit...All I can say is, "gollum, gollum."
To Kill A mocking Bird...did you know that Robert Duval's debut was as Boo Radley?
1984...someone should rewrite this as 2009 I believe...hmmm, maybe my next project?!!
Great Expectations...well, maybe So So Possibilites
Shakespeare (the WHOLE Shebang!!)...as a Sexton, "alas poor Yorrick" actually happened to me when we reopened a grave when I worked in a cemetery during my college summers.
Catch 22...I think Yosarian became a politician of the Left, didn't he?
Catcher In the Rye...I'd prefer corn beef and coleslaw ON rye.
The Great Gatsby...he wasn't all that great, if you ask me.
War & Peace...makes a good bookend when you've read it once.
Crime & Punishment...interesting, but sometimes I felt like The Idiot...wonder if Fyodor meant that to happen.
Grapes of Wrath...I wonder if they sang The Battle Hymn of the Republic in the Dust Bowl?
Alice In Wonderland...BRING ON THEM 'SHROOMS!! ;P
David Copperfield...Deus ex machina from start to finish!!
Da Vinci Code...I wonder if the herd of swine that were demon possessed had this much hogwash when they ran over the cliff?!
Lord of the Flies...nasty little fellows, weren't they? Can you say Total Depravity?
Tale of Two Cities...an excellent tale of substitutionary death...not quite as good as Calvary, however!!
Brave New World...got Soma?
Counte of Monte Crisco...was this the guy that invented shortening?
Moby Dick...just call me Ishmael and pass the coffin!
Oliver Twist... "You've got to pick a pocket or two!"
Ulysses...read it at lunch while working in above mentioned cemetery in the summer of 1970 only because I spent $20 on it for my 20th Century Novels course.
A Christmas Carol...actually played the character of Scrooge in a church musical production of that name in 1981...not much of an acting stretch, some wags would say.
Sherlock Holmes...actually, in a dead heat with Lord of the Rings!...am actually working through the whole shebang for the second time
Heart of Darkness...these days it reminds me of Jeremiah 17:9
The Little Prince...read it in French for class in 1969...parlez-vous, mes amis?
Watership Down...since I was born in the year of the rabbit, I "go zarn" on occasion
Three Musketteers...I'd recommend the movie these days
Hamlet...Something is rotten with the BBC List, if you ask me, with this "double"
Les Miserables...Tres bien, mes amis, tres bien!! (Les Mis is a great musical, too!)

Now, the good ones the Brits missed:
The Scarlet Letter...was Dimsdale the first divine branding?
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea...check out The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen movie!
Fahrenheit 451...look out for the mechanical dog!
Flannery O'Connor's works...mandatory reading freshman year
The Sound and the Fury...signifying nothing?
Around the World in 80 Days...I think Phileas was in a Fogg most of the time
Journey to the Center of the Earth...got BBQ sauce for dinosaurs and BIG 'shrooms?
Lost Souls...Gogol's look at identity theft!
Pilgrim's Progress...the Celestial City is looking pretty good these days!
Edgar Allen Poe's works...my Tell Tale Heart wants a Cask of Amontillado
Frankenstein...written in July, 1816, the year without a summer, because Mt. Timora volcano erupted
Tom Sawyer...got paint brush?
Huckleberry Finn...wonder if Huck and Jim smoked Long Bottom Leaf from The South Farthing?
Treasure Island...Just exactly which page of the Bible had the black spot?
Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde...got potion?
War of the Worlds...gotta love them microbes God engineered!
The Invisible Man...now you don't see him, now you don't still!
Quo Vadis...much better read if you're a Christian
The whole Horatio Hornblower series...from Midshipman to Admiral..."Master and Commander" with Russell Crow will give you a good feel for the novels
Robinson Crusoe...the unexpergated version with a gospel presentation...if you can find it these days!!
The Deer Slayer...got Bambi?
Waiting For Godot...Hogwash on Catcher's Rye
Silas Marner...it's really spooky to have a real life neighbor who has catatonic epilepsy as I did
Nickolas Nickleby...long, but interesting, especially the characters
Gulliver's Travels...satire at its best...drink beer, put out fires
Pickwick Papers...more great characters
Ivanhoe...Scottish chic flick novel
Don Quixote...would you believe "The Impossible Dream" was my 1969 high school senior class theme song?!
Aesop's Fables...my money's on the tortoises of this world ever since
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest...how did Jack Nicholson EVER get cast as Randall Patrick McMurphy?!! Somebody must have bogarted the joint Jack was passing in "Easy Rider."
Portnoy's Complaint...rubbish I read freshman year at Muhlenberg
Red Badge of Courage...Don't know what the big hoopla is on this one, now that I've read so much other Civil War stuff!

Well, there it is. History, biographies, and political science pique my interests these days. Maybe I'll suggest a reading list along those lines later on as yet another bit of Self Indulgent B.S. rendering.
Got whaler tun from the Pequod, Queequeg?

2:68,#372: Plowing Goes With Jazz

I've noticed something over the course of my life. Back in the day of the 1950s-60s young folks used to walk around with their 5-transistor radios stuck next to their heads to listen to some tunes in the before-f.m. days. Now Ipods proliferate so listeners can try to have some background music to their lives much as movies manipulate their emotions with appropriate background music while the action goes on.

After I graduated college, I was thrown into the Country Western world due to the fact that the foreman of my carpenter crew owned the radio. Being the flexible guy I am, I actually developed a liking for the genre as a replacement for my college-daze rock and roll. Over the course of time I came to realize that CW actually has bio-rhythms that are conducive to construction. Having heard rock and roll while constructing as well as CW, I'm convinced the latter actually makes guys more productive for some reason.

Similarly, I found that snow plowing...which I just did from 4:56 to 7:00am this morning for the first batch of snow...another one's coming even as I type...goes well with "real" jazz, as the station itself defines it; which I suppose differentiates it from "smooth" jazz played on another station in the area. WHYY shifts to classical music at 6am; sometimes as good as jazz, depending on the composer chosen. CW comes in third on this bio-rhythmic riff, but only depending on the type of music played.

If you were to look over the gamut of these posts, you'd see many musical references to what happens to be playing whilst I expound on whatever topic's on my mind. Currently the music of "Lord of the Rings" is giving me the chance to pontificate w/out words in the background getting in the way. It also happens to be my music of choice now that Audiovisual Man and I have watched the Trilogy for the 27th time. As for its bio-rhythmic influence...I think it's got enough chutzpah to keep me going during a get-up-at-four plowing day. Gee, I wonder if I could hook a plow to a nazgul and speed up the process?! Gollum...Gollum!!