#54: Solomonic BBQ

Yesterday at breakfast I read 2 Chronicles chapter seven. Verse 5 & 7 say, "And King Solomon offered a sacrifice of 22,000 oxen, and 120,000 sheep...So Solomon observed the feast at that time for seven days, and all Israel with him, a very great assembly..." Now THAT's what I call a party that gets a good start on the answer to the Westminster Confession of Faith Question #1: "What is the chief end of man?" Answer: "To glorify God and enjoy Him forever."
Got BBQ sauce and mint jelly?

#53: Ironic Import

This morning when I took off my ball cap to scratch my increasingly less-hairy old bean, I noticed the label inside. Now, the hat is khaki colored with a "W 2004" emblem on it, meaning it was a visual support of the re-election of President George W. Bush. The irony of the whole label is that it says: "CAMP DAVID Finest Clothing, Made in China."

Is there a manufacturer of those really cool looking Chinese army caps somewhere in Maryland that sews in labels that say, "FORBIDDEN PALACE Finest Clothing, Made in U.S.A.?!!" I'm betting NOT.

Well, you Christians out there have been praying "Thy Kingdom Come" for years, so I figure the One World Government is your fault when it finally gets here, given its inevitability according to the Bible, so don't worry if the dollar is devaluating against the Euro, it's all part of the Divine Plan. You just have to learn to suck it up and adjust, the way Israel did when Jeremiah told them to take a hike to Babylon or die.

I wonder if Jeremiah is the inventor of the music we call The Blues?

#52: Stupid Signs

I’ve been looking through a sign catalog that came in the mail. Did you ever actually READ some of these signs?!! Lookit this:
“Slow Pedestrian Crossing”…where’s the Fast Pedestrian Crossing? Or, for that matter, where IS the guy who’s crossing most of the time? Or...is this a sign for psycho drivers to urge them on to run the slowpokes down?
How about “Deer Crossing”? Where? When? Howcome the chicken crossing the road gets all the press, not the deer?
How about “NO OUTLET”? Did you REALLY expect there to be a place to hook up your hair dryer or electric razor outside?
How about “Caution, Watch For: Small Kids, Runners, Bicyclists, & Pedestrians”? Why not include “Maniac SUV Drivers, Snipers on the Rooftops, Guys Who Clean Your Windshield at This Intersection”?
How about “Slow Speed Bump”? Of course it’s slow…it’s nailed to the blacktop with reinforcing rods!!
How about “School Buses Only”? Only what? Or should that be who?
How about “Warning Parking Violator will be Immobilized and charged a service fee”? Can you expect some guy with duct tape and a stun gun to be close by? Hey, with that kind of personalized service, I think a FEE is appropriate, don’t you?!
And, finally, how about my favorite, “No Parking, Stopping, Standing”? Was the guy who put the sign there in the first place in violation when he stood back to admire his work? Was he immobilized and charged the appropriate service fee?
Got signs of the times?

#51: Thirty Point Sermon

Back in October, 2003 I preached a sermon called, "Who Hid My Will?!" You should have seen the folks' eyes when I said I had 30 points to make! Well, here they are, if you want to know how God has revealed His will for you from 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5:27, a passage flanked by the phrase, "This is the will of God"...
1. your sanctification
2. love one another
3. aspire to lead a quiet life
4. mind your own business
5. work with your own hands
6. walk properly towards those who are outside the faith
7. don't be ignorant concerning dead Christians
8. have hope (i.e., in the Resurrection)
9. watch and be sober
10. comfort one another
11. edify one another
12. recognize those who labor among you
13. esteem them for their work
14. be at peace among yourselves
15. warn those who are unruly
16. comfort the fainthearted
17. be patient with everybody
18. see that no one renders evil for evil
19. pursue what is good for yourself and others
20. rejoice always
21. pray without ceasing
22. in everything give thanks
23. don't quench the Spirit
24. do not despise prophetic utterances
25. test all things
26. hold fast to what is good
27. abstain from every form of evil
28. pray for us
29. greet the brethren cordially
30. read Ephesians to Christians

To quote Sean Connery from "The Untouchables"..."thus endeth the lesson!"
Got any questions?

#50: Got My Butt Kicked

One of my Bob-isms goes like this, "Repeat after me...Bob, you were right!"

Well, Mr./Mrs./Ms. Moderater of saveourseminary.com chucked me into the black hole of cyberspace at the end of the day, just as I had mentioned in Post #49 yesterday. Guess I'm too new at this website posting game and didn't play by the rules, so I got thrown into the forever penalty box for unnecessary roughness. (Complete segway..."Necessary Roughness" is a fun movie of misfits winning the big game and, yes, it's also a chick flick!!) Well, when I played lacrosse in college, I spent quite a few minutes "in the box" for unnecessary roughness, so to quote Iago of "Aladdin"... WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED?!!

Hmmm...now I've been kicked outta two different venues for what I have to say. Nanny (my maternal grandmother) used to say, "What happens twice, happens a third time," so who knows where's next? Guess I'll jump off that bridge when I get there.

Got light unto my feet?

#49: Awaiting Moderation

I posted some comments to saveourseminary.com this morning and still have a sign on the post that says, "Your comment is awaiting moderation." I hit the "submit comment" deal and have no idea whether the thing is wanting me to take back what I said or has to be approved by the moderator of the website. Well, here's what I had to say, in case somebody chucks it into a cyberspace black hole:
Folks,I have questions for all of you. Since Ephesians 6:12 says our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual forces of wickedness in heavenly places (i.e. WTS!), why are you so surprised that 21st century Pharisees and Sadducees in the Army of Christ can’t agree to disagree in order to kiss and make up? WTS is advanced infantry training in the Army of Christ in the middle of Enemy territory and we’re using live ammo!

Why should men who know a whole LOT of theological stuff NOT be arrogant? I believe the phrase in I Corinthians 8 is “knowledge makes arrogant,” in the NASB. Perhaps, “humble them as gently as possible, Lord” would be an appropriate request?!

Why do you students/alumni not see that by venerating the Faculty of whatever era you’re helping the arrogance quotient of the ones shuffling about on this mortal coil battlefield? And… you’re PAYING them to get more knowledge through sabbaticals, writing, and that ever popular etcetera!

Why are you surprised when power plays produce results you don’t like when folks have nearly absolute power? Lord Acton hit it on the head when he said, “Power corrupts, absolute power tends to corrupt absolutely!” (Yeah, you’ve misquoted him all these years without the ‘tends’ part!)

Why do you weep and wail and gnash your teeth about the ugliness you see in a PARA-church school when it’s just as rife in CHURCHES where you at least have the recourse of Biblical fix-em ups based on church discipline?

Why do you guys who have non-denominational churches that have no external source of accountability cringe at a seminary’s (non-denominational as it was set up by Machen and The Boys) dirty laundry flapping in the breeze?Maybe you teaching elders out there should consider personally mentoring men to ‘equip them for the work of service’ instead of shirking your duty and foisting it on a para-church school. Remember, Jesus said He would build His Church, not non-denominational seminaries, so technically we don’t even have a right to ask His help, since we’re not using His methods.

Do you really want me to be mowing grass and heating the buildings for the Buddhists who will buy up our property if we fold? Well, it would give me a local field of evangelism, anyway.

Peace, love, and His grace to you all!

Bob

#48: Stupid Answers Are My Specialty

Sometimes stating the obvious is all too obvious. How many times have you thought someone asked you a stupid question and you just wanted to respond with a stupid answer? (Societal conditioning or the Holy Spirit usually cause you to refrain unless it's a full moon; which happens to be the case today!!) For Instance:
You make a statement of any sort, true usually. The person listening to you says, "Really?!" You answer: "No...I'm lying to you!"
Or how about the typical American greeting: "Hi, how are you?" "Fine, how are you?" "Fine." The key is that this is taking place as you pass each other without giving a rat's right hiney cheek about the truth of the situation. I've stopped people in their tracks by saying, as Person #2: "Good looking, intelligent, and witty as ever!" Sounds arrogant, but they're all subjective terms, so a slug could be those things to another slug. Plus..."as ever" is the copout...it might indicate you were the most ugly, stupid, & boring person in the world and your status hasn't changed.
Then there's "what's the weather going to be?" (Like anybody other than God REALLY knows!) My reply: "They're calling for a 100% chance of some kind of weather...or the end of the world."
How about: "How dumb can you be?!!" "Gimme a number to shoot for...I strive for excellence in everything I do!"
Got anything ya wanna know?

#47: Z'ounds to My Bad

I've been piqued by the degenerative nature of our use of language for the last several years; especially when younger folks give me 'My Bad', 'True That', & 'AWWSOME' as responses to circumstances in my immediate venue that could be said in dozens of other ways.
Well, I must be mellowing these days 'cuz I just don't wince nearly as much anymore. Back in the 'olden days' (as one young blogger called the 50's and 60's in discussing closing shops on Sundays), 'jive', 'cool', 'groovy', and other non-words came from our mouths and were the natural progressions (I'll leave you decide if it was upwards or downwards) from grand-parental hep cats that 'dug' Dizzie Gillespie, 'slipped skin' to shake hands and used other 'way out' terms, so I guess that was Our Bad? It certainly wasn't awesome...true that?!!
Heck, even Shakespeare, the supposed archetype of writers of the English language, shortened up his imprecations and wrote for the less literate in his day. For instance, "Z'ounds" as it showed up in several of his plays was 'By God's Wounds' in slurred English, I guess Cockney or something from the slums of London. It referred to the piercings Jesus endured on the Cross and may have been close to some of our four letter imprecations; which makes me wonder just exactly when and how did they become foul language? And for that matter, WHY?
I guess if Wille Shakes can dumb down the lingo, we can, too.
Oh, while I'm extemporizing, I know a guy who says that "O, Fetch" in Utah is the equivalent in cleaned up fashion of the f-bomb being dropped. Wonder what Utah-ians (or is that Utahnans or Utahites) yell if they want their dogs to retrieve a thrown stick or frizbee when they're out in public? Imagine two young'uns and a dog, one hurls the disc, the dog makes a spectacular miss and the conversation goes, "Fetch, Bowser!" "O, Fetch, he missed!" "Awesome language, DUUUUDE!" "Oops, My Bad!" "True that! Lookit yer WWJD bracelet!!"
Think I'll move to Maine so I can be called a Mainiac. Or can I aspire to the title without picking up stakes and going "On The Road Again"? (Tankewberrymuch, Willie Nelson...and Latka!)
True That?

#46: Duty Is Ours, Consequences Are God's

Today is the anniversary of Thomas Jonathan "Stonewall" Jackson's birth in 1824 and the quote that headlines this post is my favorite quote of his. It's a great reminder to '...be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 15:58) It raises some questions I have about the way Christians think about things sometimes, though.
When the Civil War began, Born Again Christians Robert E. Lee, Thomas Jackson, JEB Stuart, Lewis Armistead, E. Kirby Smith, and others resigned their commissions in the United States Army, going back on their sworn oath to 'defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic' (or the 1861 equivalent). What happened to "let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'no', 'no'?!!
Could the outcome of the War be, in part, due to the fact that these guys made the wrong choice and gave just one more bad testimony by not keeping their word? Could God have caused the Civil War to discipline Southern Christians for wrongly justifying slavery by picking and choosing Scriptures which substantiated their already decided on position and Northern Christians for taking a Machiavellian 'ends justifies the means' view of abolition that was the catalyst to the War?
How good is the word of folks laying claim to the Name of Christ in America these days as churches? How good is your word, by the way?
Got excuses?

#45: Happy Sloggin' Great-Grandpappy!!

Yep, today's the 145th anniversary of General Ambrose Burnside's Mud March opposite Fredericksburg, Virgina, where my ancestor 'saw the elephant' on December 13th south of town with the 119th Pennsylvania Volunteers while supporting artillery that was being shelled by Stonewall Jackson's artillery. (Can I claim post tramautic stress syndrome, since I was 'in his loins' at the time, as the Bible would say?!!)
Just to show you how 'God causes all things to work together to the good of those who love Him' (Romans 8:28), Great Grandpappy Jacob Antes ended up with frozen feet, made worse by sloggin' through knee-deep mud January 20-22, 1863, ended up in the hospital in April, got a medical discharge in August, met great-grandma, married, and all these years later, I'm here to tell the story! He also missed out on Gettysburg, the Wilderness, the Bloody Angle, and Petersburg battles where his Company H lost 33% of its men over the course of their enlistment.
His tendency to get cold feet (literally, not figuratively) got passed down to at least one of his descendents who has had to plow snow for the last 22 winters, 13 of them on an open John Deere tractor. The good of this is that I know when to get inside and warm up/dry off when possible, unlike poor old pappy could not.
So, what's my point? "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter trials of every sort, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. Let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2, 3) Of course, now that I've hopefully encouraged you with that passage, I'll probably have to live by my own exhortation!
Got dry socks?

#44: How Can I Suade You?

A friend I call Boss once dissuaded me from blogging, but has since changed his mind and wants me to 'keep on BS-ing'. Does that mean he's 'suading' me to carry on?!!
Or, if these lines disrupt your day by interfering with your routine, would telling you to get back to work be 'suading you to rupt' your schedule (pronounced shed-yule as in Britain and Canada)?
As you linquists can see, I'm looking at the use of the prefix 'dis,' meaning 'negation or direct opposite.' During the Civil War, would an amputation at the shoulder be truly disarming the guy? And, since losing the arm would be a personal disaster, would the good fortune of surviving the operation be an aster, hence, the reason we take flowers to folks in the hospital?
Now, on a religious note (B-sharp, I think): Would a disciple...follower of a leader...have its posation (what it negates) as a 'ciple'...one who doesn't play Follow the Leader?
Since I am disinclined to acquiesce (thanks, Captain Barbossa) to my inner urges to continue this Thought Train, I'll disembark at this point and suade you to have an enthralling day!!
Got A.D.D.?

#43: Civil War Questions

Why is it that General Ulysses S. Grant is considered a 'butcher' because of the way he used up his men at the Battle of Cold Harbor in 1864 where something like 7,000 died in an hour and General Robert E. Lee is not considered a butcher during the Seven Days' Battles when he used up about 79% of his army keeping the Yankees away from Richmond?

Why does General Stonewall Jackson get the reputation as a 'blue eyed killer' in most histories but it's not mentioned that he probably caught the cold that led to pneumonia that killed him after he was wounded at Chancellorsville in 1863 because he covered his aide, Sandy Pendleton, with his own cloak on a rainy night before the battle?

Why do historians remember that Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest was a wicked fighter and eventually was the first head of the Ku Klux Klan, but few tell that his unofficial chaplain throughout the war was a Negro, that he freed his slaves during the War when he saw the South's loss was inevitable, and that he had an Evangelical conversion experience after the war, partially brought on by the prayers of his wife and mother-in-law on his behalf for his whole life?

Why is it that the Great Confederate Revivals are written about by historians frequently but the Union ones in which more soldiers were saved are not?

Why is the institution of American slavery considered so heinous and all the slavery down through the ages that built the marvels of the ancient world is not? What makes whites enslaving blacks so much worse than the reds enslaving reds in America, the blacks enslaving blacks in Africa and America, and the yellows enslaving anyone they could throughout Asia, not to mention whites enslaving other whites down through history?

Got new insights?

Sources: 408 books, 363 articles as I wrote God Caused the Civil War

#42: Snowy Friday Questions

I've been up since 4:35am this morning plowing snow, had about 50 ounces of Boca Java's Brew of Bravery, and am thinking about a variety of things.
Do two-faced people take twice as long to shave their faces or wash their hair?
Do Canadians say "Eh" because they're all so nice that they want to accommodate the opinion of anyone to whom they speak, Eh?
Is there any hope of under-40s EVER dropping the over use of the word "AWWSOMMME!!" for things NOT directly describing God?
Are we all really just killing time while time is killing us?
Is the most important aspect of eternity like real estate, "location, location, and location"?
Did I REALLY have a choice to be a Calvinist?
If preachers tell their flocks NOT to watch R-rated movies because of the sex, violence and language, should they tell them NOT to read the Bible for the same reasons?
Got answers?

#41: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Back in Post #15 I mentioned that Male Pattern Baldness is God's way of reducing inventory in light of Matthew 10:30:"He knows all the hairs on your head." Well, if you haven't noticed on your own, here are a few hairy facts I've observed over the course of the last few decades:
Women get in 'moods' and change their hair styles and/or colors. Generally, speaking, guys, ask if they like the 'new do' before you compliment them...assuming you even notice, you Barbarians! ("They have eyes and see not" is the appropriate verse for this phenomenon.)
When men get in a 'mood', they manipulate their facial hair, like the 40 year old guy who looked in the mirror on his birthday, said, "I don't need this pain", and decided he was growing a beard for the next six or so years.
Then there was the fifty-something with thinning hair who decided the Marine-look was a good one for the rest of his days.
Oh, let's not forget the Lord's crop rotation process that indicates part of His sense of humor: take it away from a guy's head and cause it to grow in his nose and ears! This is covered in the Book of Job 1:22: "The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away." By the way, vs. 21 says Job shaved his head...guess he was in a 'mood'?!!
My last shot is at the guys who grow 14" long hair above one ear and comb it over the huge bald spot it doesn't cover. Ich! Go for the Marine Look, guys!
Got clippers?

#40: My Roadmap To Peace

I get a lot of email and snail mail from a lot of places and people. (1780+ in eleven months that does NOT include spam, but stuff I consider 'mission' stuff.) Some folks are upset with President Bush's Roadmap to Peace that seems to hand Jerusalem over to Muslims. Let me give you some perspective.
I mention in Post #32 that Joseph (of the fabulous multi-colored coat) was the Jew who set up the machinery in Egypt after he came to power that not only enslaved all Egyptians during the seven years of famine, but enslaved all the Jews in Egypt for over 400 years after he died.
Born Again American President William McKinley got America on the world scene back in 1898 by initiating the Spanish American War and seizing the Philippines from Spain. Part of his motivation was to bring the Christian Gospel to the Pacific, I believe.
Born Again President Woodrow Wilson not only got America into the First World War, he was the author and perfector of the League of Nations, which eventually led to the United Nations and its 'vision' for a world government.
Born again President Jimmy Carter got the Camp David Accords rolling that led to Israel signing a peace agreement with Egypt. (I seem to remember something about the phrase, "they will cry 'peace, peace' but there is no peace.")
Born Again President George W. Bush has set the machinery in motion in the United States to provide concentration camps for Christians when we are finally persecuted in this land, as well as being used by God to rearrange Middle East affairs through this Road Map to Peace initiative. Perhaps there is a hint of God's "Mysterious Ways" illustrated here? HIS people are the ones used in positions of great power to move the world towards its inevitable end that Christians pray for when they say, "...Thy Kingdom come."
Remember the prophet Jeremiah TOLD his people that they were supposed to pack up and move to Babylon in God's particular timing one year a few millenia ago? I'll bet there was some hand wringing, weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth going on at that particular time, too.
Maybe the next President of the United States will be a Born Again who can lead us even closer to one world government.
Got votes?

#39: Read The Instructions!

Sorry, all you guys reading this...I realize I've broken one of the primary rules of maleness by making this outrageous statement, but somebody has to say it. (I'm also of the belief that stopping to ask directions when you're lost is ok, but I ride with a guy with the uncanny ability to get around to places he hasn't visited in years, so I just enjoy the scenery without having to prove anything.)
What prompted this post was my putting together one of those Swedish designed lateral file cabinets that requires you to use instructions without words. (Sheesh, at least the plastic models of my youth TOLD you what to do with each step!) I successfully dodged the slings and arrows of outrageous Monday fortune, got the thing built, and went to lunch...an almost perfect morning.
Now, my point: You need to read your instructions from God, it's that simple...from Genesis to Revelation...on a regular basis, or you're trying to build your life in the dark (metaphysically and probably physically, too) and when you get to the end of it, you'll have parts left over that were essential to your proper construction into the image of the Lord. Granted, you'll still be ushered to your seat at the Marriage Feast of the Lamb, but you'll miss out on some incredible truths in the meantime...like why God can't 'Bless America' based on Leviticus 17-28.
Got time to look it up?

#38: Bad Lotto Number

With all the gigabytes used up and ink that's been spilled about the Mark of the Beast in the last several decades...666, that is...did you ever take notice that John 6:66 says, "From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more"?!!
Howcome the word 'disciples' is not printed 'disciples' in English to indicate that these folks temporarily talked the talk but couldn't continue to walk the walk, especially since verse 70 says, "Jesus answered them, 'Did I not choose you, the twelve, and one of you is a devil?'"
Whoa...am I having a flashback to Post #13 and all that Triskaidekaphobia?
Got Right Behind?

#37: Civil War Heroes

There were many heroes throughout the course of the Civil War. I'm only going to mention two who have inspired me to some extent. One was from the North, one from the South. One signed his diaries, one did not sign his poem. Both might encourage us all. I'll simply lift out two quotes from my book to illustrate my point:

"This tale of Christian prisoners continues in the real life journal of Sgt. James H. Dennison, of the 113th Illinois Volunteers from Andersonville Prison. His Civil War story of prison parallels Crusoe’s fictitious condition, a summary of freedom gained akin to Bunyan’s pilgrim, and a statement of how God sustained him. It is also a classic example of Midwestern talent in understated emphasis. “Sunday [June] 19 [1864]...left Clumbus at 4 o’clock..run all day we was on open cars rained all day Andersonvill Military prizen at 4 o’clock a hard place...Thursday [June] 23 this place stinks as bad as a hog pen...Friday 24...I borrowed a new testamint and red in it drawed mush very poor...Thursday July 14, 1864 Camp Sumpter Georgey...I was to preaching this evening for the first time since I came hear...July 26, 1864 Andersonvill Georgey I am siting hear in my littel tent maid out of a blanket thinking of home and them that is thare...cannot tell how much sufrin has ben indured in this camp but god has ben good to me since i came in hear I have not sufered like sum others but then I am deprived of hearing from my famley I have just ben over to the letter box to see if thare was eney thate for me but I was doomed to disapointment a las I got none but I still live in hope that I will get out of hear and be permited to go and see thoes that i so Dearley love Jesus all thay day long is my joy and my song...Saturday [September] 3...I have finished reading the bibel threw..Tuesday [october 4]...I like this place [Savannah] better than the other prison [Andersonville]...February 15 [1865]left this place Florance SC...[on March 13, 1865, he wrote to his wife from the Baltimore hospital to tell her that he was] ‘in the land of the living once more.’(1)"

God caused the Civil War with all its vast destruction and misery, and permanently changed lives in a way that is best summed up, not by one of the great figures of the Civil War, but by an unknown Confederate soldier:

I asked God for strength that I might achieve,
I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health that I might do greater things,
I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
I asked for riches that I might be happy,
I was given poverty that I might be wise.
I asked for power that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life,
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for,-- but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself,-- my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all men, most richly blessed.(2)"

Sources:

(1) James H. Dennison, Dennison’s Andersonville Diary. Notes and transcription by Jack Klasey, Kankakee County Historical Society, Kankakee, Illinois, 1987, pp.39-40, 50, 54-5, 65, 73, 97.

(2) Much quoted, source unknown.

#36: Baseball Cards for Christ

OK, here's my explanation for the Lamb's Book of Life. It's similar to the baseball card checklists I used to use when collecting cards back in the 50's and 60's, not an open-ended blank book that gets a name in it every time someone 'chooses Jesus'; which we DON'T do, according to John 15:16.

Think about it, if He inscribes a name in The Book only when someone gets saved, then He's sittin' around on His Throne drummin' His fingers hoping somebody will wise up and follow The Way, The Truth, and the Life.

In my version, He's sittin' there running the universe while saying like we did as kids, "Got 'im, got 'im, ain't got 'im yet!" and checkin' off the list as He goes.

Got predestination?

PS: Oh, and NO I don't have those great old cards, nor did I sell them to make a pile of cash. I actually told Mom to throw them out in 1975 when she moved. How dumb can I be? Give me a number to shoot for, I strive for excellence in everything!

#35 Just Some Questions

How did the phrase 'the wee hours of the morning' come about? Those hours are not any smaller than the rest of the hours of the day! My theory is that some Grandpa met a grandchild on the way to the bathroom about 3am one night and explained the time as the result of his having too much coffee before bed and the tyke's having too many glasses of water!
Why is it that commercials that want to sell products by sexual attractiveness have a good looking woman without glasses hawking whatever it is, but those that want to make you think their product is for smart people put glasses on her? What's near or far-sightedness got to do with intelligence?
Howcome light skinned people of the various races look down on darker skinned people of their own race? I've seen this among Koreans, Chinese, Africans and Afro-Americans, Caucasians, Indians, and read about it in regard to Native Americans and South/Central American peoples. The only exception to the rule is that all Caucasians of whatever complexion seem to look down on albino folks, I guess because of lack of pigmentation.
Why is a 'fetus' murdered when both the pregnant mother and child are killed by someone, but it is only the recipient of a 'medical procedure' when the mother wants it removed from her?
I guess whoever decided that the two most common elements of the universe are hydrogen and stupidity was right!
Got heart of darkness?

#34: Jabez Schmaybez

A coupla years ago Dr. Bruce Wilkinson published a book about the Prayer of Jabez and Christians got all wound up about it. For those of you who missed the prayer, it happened in 1 Chronicles 4:10: "Now Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, 'Oh that Thou wouldst bless me indeed, and enlarge my border, and that Thy hand might be with me, and that Thou wouldst keep me from harm, that it may not pain me!' And God granted him what he requested."
I thought at the time that maybe, instead of praying for 'enlarged borders', Christians should take care of the business directly in front of them in their own backyard. By the way, looking 'out there' without taking care of business at home is one of those schemes of the devil that come at you from behind of which the old Puritans used to speak.
Geez, this sounds like a refutation of Post #33, now doesn't it?!! Well, Judy Collins is singing my favorite version of 'Amazing Grace' right now, so I'm a bit more mellow than before, so I'll explain how I can justify #33 in light of #34.
I was content to have my venue of influence in the lobby of our classroom building. I had toyed for a few months off and on with the idea of blogging and decided that, if I ever decided to blog, I'd use 'Self Indulgent B.S.' as the title for it's multiple meanings, based on my opinion of most every blog I had read, as well as to poke fun at myself. Well, my small venue got shut down by the powers that were...mini persecution of sorts, in my opinion...so I decided to move my thoughts to a place that was outside that authority and still might benefit some folks. Now all I have to do is keep politically correct enough not to offend the Shut Down Powers of I Blog, hunh?!!
Oh, as a side thought of scrolling between these various posts, does it seem ironic to you that scrolls were used thousands of years ago to communicate ideas and now we're constantly 'scrolling down' to read stuff in our super advanced technology?
Hmmm...got papyrus?
Speaking of Jabez, I gotta go clean up leaves outside the stone wall.

#33: Crankin' Downstairs

OK, I'm wound up this morning...so sue me! I'm in the basement, viewing the world, with 'Days of Elijah' and other great "Shoutin' Sunday Songs" cranked at full volume. Here's the scoop...I want to turn the world on its head the way the disciples did in the first century. Howzzat for hubris?!! Well...if God can use a donkey to speak to Balaam (Numbers 22), he can certainly use me to flip the world, and I need your help. I figure this is how we can do it...
If you're still reading these various ramblings as they get posted, to quote my plumber, 'you ain't right!' But...even if you're one of God's 'peculiar people' (variant emphasis of the KJV of 1 Peter 2:9), you can send this blog address to your friends and enemies to afflict them with whatever gets posted here, at least one time, anyhow. (Who knows, somebody might actually benefit from something written here, too.)
Go ahead...let's see what happens! I'm into self promotion at the moment... HELLO, look at the title of this blogsite!!...humility will come crashing down on me in the Lord's timing, I'm sure.
Oh, and fyi, my college's mascot was a mule! Seems providential to me!
Remember?..."There's No God Like Jehovah"!!!

#32: History's 'Bad' Guys

Who should have the worse reputation in world history, Saddam Hussein, the guy who threatened to use weapons of mass destruction against anyone who opposed him, or Harry Truman, who actually used them...TWICE?! (at Hiroshima and Nagasaki) Does it seem odd that when Democrats in America bad mouth Republican Presidents for being 'war mongering imperialists', they conveniently forget it was one of their own who smoked roughly 220,000 Japanese civilians in two days? (Actually, it took about two minutes each time.)

Or how about Joseph, the teen with the really cool 'coat of many colors'? Sure, he got the short end of the stick from his Jewish brothers and was sold into slavery, but after a couple of decades, he ended up being Number 2 Honcho of the entire Egyptian Empire. (OK, so that's a variant reading of the original Hebrew of Genesis 41:46!) ANNNNNND...HE was the one who had the Seven Years of Feast and Famine Dream that got him his position through which he set up the political machinery which enslaved the ENTIRE Egyptian nation immediately and, later on, the Jewish nation for 450 years after the new Pharaoh took power!! (Genesis 47: 20-21 says, "So Joseph bought all the land in Egypt for Pharaoh....The land became Pharaoh's, and Joseph reduced the people to servitude, from one end of Egypt to the other.")
Now...if you were God (and I'm glad you're not), would you use a Christian President to build concentration camps in America using Halliburton, Kellogg, and Brown, for Islamic terrorists in one decade and then adapt them for American Christians in another to bring about revival through Persecution?
Hmmm...got yer Bible verses memorized?

#31: Braggerts Get Beaned

Back 'in the day' (whenever EXACTLY that was), Philistine Goliath bad mouthed not only Israel's army, but Israel's God (the real problem). Young David hammered the 'mighty warrior' to the ground with one stone...nice shot, Davey!! Oh, yeah, he also cut off The Big G's head with his own sword as a trophy!!
During the American Civil War, bragging Union general Joseph Hooker, prior to the Battle of Chancellorsville in May, 1863 commented that his battle plans were so good that 'even God Almighty could not help Bobby Lee.' Guess what? On the second day of the battle, General JEB Stuart, a Christian who loved music as much as young David, got his artillery in position on a hill deserted unnecessarily by Union troops, fired a cast iron 'stone' at Chancellor's house where Joe Hooker was standing on the front porch, hit a pillar, gave Braggin' Joe a concussion, and caused him to issue a stupid order to retreat back across the Rappahanock when the Union forces were in an excellent defensive position, further extending the conflict in God's timing.
Later that same year, usually humble Robert E. Lee marched his 'invincible' Army of Northern Virginia into Pennsylvania on a shopping trip for shoes and summer cherries. God dealt with his pride in a little tussle called the Battle of Gettysburg in which The General did admit that the loss was 'all his fault'.
Statistically speaking, during the four years of the War, whoever bragged the most before a battle lost it. (You'll be able to read about it if I ever get published or you request a copy of the chapters from me!)
I guess the moral of today's message is, think about the moral of the message before you go shootin' yer mouth off about somethin'?

#30: YO...Get In The Fight!!

Here's an idea how to improve the faithfulness of your prayer life and how to kick Satan's butt by the power of the Lord...

Set your 'home page' on some site that will remind you to pray for somebody every time you turn on your computer...like The Joshua Project for Unreached Peoples, Wycliffe Translator's Bibleless Peoples Prayer Project, or some other page that suits your fancy. (Who did you last promise to pray for and have NOT?!)

2 Corinthians 10:4 says, '...for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.' God's everywhere, knows everything, has all power, and will lead you in the direction you should go, if you give Him the 'go ahead'. One warning, however, be ready to be used to accomplish whatever it is you ask for in some way you probably haven't even thought about.

Not to worry, though, Jesus has gone before you not only as the Author and Perfector of your faith, but as the Captain and Point Man of the Army! OOORAH, OOORAH!!

Got orders? (see Eph. 6:10-20)

#29: Gettysburg Breezes

Well, all the weird weather we're having around the U.S. these days reminds me of some of the facts I accumulated in my book about how the Lord directly effected battles with his handiwork, based on Amos 4:7 "And furthermore, I withheld the rain from you while there were still three months until harvest. Then I would send rain on one city and on another city I would not send rain; One part would be rained on, while the part not rained on would dry up."
The deal at Gettysburg was this: Robert E. Lee's cannonade began at 1p.m., lasted until 3pm when the field was so full of smoke that he could not see that the artillery barrage was NOT being effective to drive the Yankees from the Angle of the stone wall, because it was a windless July afternoon.
However, just at 3pm when Pickett's Charge stepped out of the woods for the attack, a breeze blew up the Emmitsburg Road through the perfect wind tunnel formed by Cemetery and Seminary Ridges where the Union and Confederate positions were, respectively, and cleared the field of smoke to make a perfect field of fire for Union artillery and riflemen to decimate the charge. (1)
The Confederate High Water Mark was a direct result of wind! I guess the God of Battles was NOT on Bobby Lee's side just then...hunh?!! Oh, one other Christian, George Gordon Meade, (2)was in command of the Union forces at Gettysburg, so the Lord must have been listening to his prayers in His Own Providence that day, all things being equal, which they never are!
Got black powder gunfire?

Information from:
(1) D. Scott Hartwig, “It Struck Horror to Us All”. Gettysburg Magazine, January 1991, p. 96.
(2) Meade, George. The Life and Letters of George Gordon Meade: Major-General United States Army. 2 volumes. Charles Scribner’s Sons, New York, 1913, 1:276-277 & 2:302-303.

#28: Fence, Schmence...Build a Wall!!

I heard on talk radio today on the way home from Doc Dracula's some more hooha about building a fence along the Texas-Mexico border to keep out folks from our southern sphere of influence south of the Rio Grande. I think we should get all the people who want a fence to volunteer to dig the 2,000 mile footer that a Great Wall of Texas would require, then get all the out of work masons we have in America to build a structure that would make the Great Wall of China look shabby by comparison. We could also have a 'buy a stone' campaign with names inscribed on the stones of those who contribute MONEY to help finance the project in a patriotic show of taxpayer relief!! (We'll probably have to get China to ship us building supplies, from what I understand of our import-export situation right now, however, but we can probably cut a deal with them, too.)

AND, to kill two birds with one stone, if that's not a politically incorrect adage...taxpayer dollars could be used through FEMA to fill bags with the dirt from the Texas Wall for use to rebuild the levees in N'Awlins that STILL is a city that could get washed away any day, thanks to the brilliance of whomever it was that designed the town and picked the spot in the first place!!

Just think, we wouldn't even have to sacrifice two million lives the way the Emperors did to build their fabulous tourist monument.

We could also get the moguls in the food industry to cater the work parties and get lots of advertising with MSNBC footage!!

Of course, Jiffy John, Port-O-Potty, and other similar companies would have to provide the 'necessaries' as they were called in the movie, '1776'.

Got Chili, Red Beans, & Beer Y'all?

#27: Fasting, Yeah, Right.

Since I'm not eating because I've got a 10:45 appointment with Doc Dracula for 'fasting bloodwork' in which the results will probably be: I'm 'old, fat, and my cholesterol is crazy' (or maybe that's 'old, crazy, and have fat cholesterol...whatever), my mind is on body linguistics right now.
Why is it called 'fasting' when time seems to be slowing between meals? Why is it 'fasting' when you do it voluntarily and 'starving' when someone else does it to you? When I eat a Wawa pork roll and cheese croissant melt and some frothy coffee combination for lunch to celebrate 'not fasting', should that be called 'quickening', like the King James Version of being born again?
And on a different note...when you run over a nail with your car, you get a flat tire. If you step on a nail, should you get a flat foot?
When God provided Adam and Eve with 'skins' to cover their nakedness after the Fall, did Eve ask Adam if the outfit made her look fat? Could Adam even answer, since there was no standard for the phrase at the time?
Oh, and just how tall/big WERE Adam and Eve? The Bible talks about giants (Goliath was 9'9"), so were all the generations up to the Flood REALLY Big Folks? Think about it...Noah and his three sons built the Ark in 120 years with hand tools. If they were giants, that could explain some of the logistics of how they did it. Heck, that would make the rest of us Halflings and Frodo and Sam Quarterlings, now, wouldn't it?
The first seven generations mentioned in the Bible lived over 900 years (Lamech was a young 777 when he died), that dropped off to about 400 years after the flood for three generations, then to about 200 years for another three , and was down to 120 by the time Moses came around and 70-80 by the time Psalms was written. Maybe we started out with long life AND legs and have been going downhill ever since.
Hmmmm...Got 'shrimp'??

#26: Global Warming, Butt Freezing

Anybody out there that wants to send this blog to Al Gore...feel free so to do.
I realize the truth of 2 Peter 3:10, 'But the day of the Lord will come like a thief, in which the heavens will pass away with a roar and the elements will be destroyed with intense heat, and the earth and its works will be burned up,' but it is 17 degrees here in Eastern Pa. and, according to Yahoo Weather, feels like 2 degrees. I'm glad I only have to walk 120 steps to work these days and I know how to detour into one building to make 40 of those steps warmer by being inside.
The important key to this deal is that, according to Weatherbase.com, the AVERAGE temperature for our area in January is 32 degrees, based on 48 years of gathering information for this place.
Now, to be as fair as this life gets...which is about NEVER...I've tracked local weather for the last four years on an almost daily basis. For this date in '05 it was predicted to be 59 high/47 low, in '06 38/31, in '07 59/35, & today's forecast is 25/14. THAT means that we've had an average of 45.25 high/ 31.75 low.
If we look at the high, the planet LOCAL average high is 13.25 degrees too hot. If we look at the low, we're on the mark. If we look at today's temp, BRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
I've got the ice, you got soda?

#25: Continental Rip, NOT Drift

Genesis 1:9 says that dry land appeared and the waters were gathered into one place called Seas. Floating continents that all were one and gradually drifted apart doesn't make sense, given our knowledge of plate tectonics and the fact that there is NO mass of water under any land...it all goes down through crust, magma, etc. to the earth's core.
As an alternate, how about one continent, ripped apart by a Divine cataclysm to give us the continental configurations as we know them, more or less?!! Imagine the world as a melon and God's 'thumbs' stuck where the Laurentian Abyssal is and 'the deeps broken up' the way a strong man could crack open a melon without completely breaking the rind?!! Has anyone done mineralogical studies along the coastlines of North, Central, and South America to compare them with the spots in Europe and Africa that match up with the silouhette?
Oh...and if the angels sang at Creation (see Job 38:7), did they weep at the Flood or cheer that the bad guys got what they deserved?
And while I'm thinkin' of it...why are the seas 220 times saltier than the fresh water lakes? From an article I read, scientists are baffled and put out some 'rain for millions of years' story. I figure that a Divine cataclysm of slightly salty water (what we call fresh water) washed a PILE of ground minerals into the mix, not to mention all the minerals comprised in all the humans, birds, reptiles (including dinosaurs), land animals, and bugs added to the mixture as they decomposed while the Flood subsided.
Got a canoe without a paddle?