#103: Heckyu, Not Haiku

Geez, I went to a "Coffee House" Saturday to hear a couple of guys play (made me drift back to my freshman year at Muhlenberg with a place of the same name with smoke, cigarette butts in the ashtrays, and coffee of undetermined origin), I'm listening to "The Weight" by The Band (another stroll back to 1969 college days/daze), I just now looked over prayer journal #69 for some other reason, and ran across some poetry I wrote a while back. Part of my high school English training was being forced to write haikus as we studied different kinds of poetry. Well, even before I came to faith, I had some knowledge of Scripture and wrote this in 1967 (12 years before the movie of similar name came out):

Conquest, Slaughter, Famine, Death--
Apocalypse Now!

Haiku afficionados would probably jump all over me for structure and/or content, but, hey, the 'rules' seem to vary on whoever's making them up, so I'm going with "free form" as I learned it. Maybe I should call what I do Heckyu as a result of my rebellious thinking?!! By the way, a 7-5 syllable meter was what I learned 'back in the day' as young folks are wont to say!! Here's a few just cuz I feel like it:
World History's Turning Point--
Christ's Resurrection. --11/11/06

Water, stem, basket, coffee--
My morning routine. --11/7/06

Christ's Gospel strained through cheesecloth--
Christian Platitudes. --11/4/06

Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego--
On fire for God! --10/29/06

Well, there's more, but let's not push this post too far or we may have to dig a hole in which to put it.
Got postholer? (Tip of the hat to River Tam of "Firefly")

#102: Holy Ghost Real Estate

Didja ever wonder where exactly the Holy Spirit "dwells within you?" We know that it's a guaranteed fact that He does, based on Ezekiel 36:27, "And I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances," so where might He be makin' Himself ta'home, so to speak, in colloquial American?!!
We talk about various organs in a spiritual way, like someone's "got a big heart" or "has a gut reaction" or "has no spine" in all sorts of situations. I figure that our own spirit has to be centered somewhere in our brain and intimately connected with all the rest of us because, when you go brain dead, you're history in this world and the Lord takes your spirit away as the Bible says. (For those of you who thrive on theological correctness, that makes me a dichotomist, not a trichotomist and definitely not a Gnostic. For those of you who just got lost, don't sweat the lingo that occasionally surfaces in my preachifyin' on a Sunday.)
Well, the last I heard we're only using about 10% of our brains these days as we make our entrances and exits on this mortal coil. (A whole let less in many cases, from what I've seen.)
1 Corinthians 13:12 says, "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I shall know fully just as I also have been fully known." I often figured that the Lord would fill up the other 90% in Heaven in order to fulfill that particular promise. Today it occurred to me (yes, another Inner Room Epiphany) He's probably put His Spirit in THAT 90% to warm up and mark out the territory for future renovations and additions in Resurrected Temples.
Heck, my logic and theology may be whacked as a foul ball over the third base line, but I guess I'll know the answer once the Lord sends the Grim Reaper to pick me up in a chariot of fire, Eh?!
To quote the song I've got crankin' right now down here in the bowels of Stonewalled Charismatic Presbyterian Church, "If you think Heaven's loud enough, just wait 'til He Stands Up! And when He stands up, the heavens will roar...the earth will shake with a trumpet blast and all the Saints will rise at last...JUST WAIT 'TIL HE STANDS UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Got Kingom Come Joy?

#101: Another Joyful Noise Prayer Answer

Well, I came back to play some Civil War Generals as the commander of the Confederate armies in the 1862 Valley Campaign for a bit after finishing Samuel Bolton's The True Bounds of Christian Freedom and picking up William Guthrie's The Christian's Great Interest and decided to look around on You Tube again. By typing in "Battle Hymn of the Republic" I got several schlock versions, but found this one after simply saying I'd like to get one with a men's choir. (Actually, I asked for the U.S. Army version.)

Check it out and get a video review of the Civil War while you're at it!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5mmFPyDK_8&feature=related
Got gunpowder and cannon fire?

#100: Joyful Noise

Post #100 necessarily reminded me of Psalm 100 and The Old 100th hymn, so here goes...
Needless to say, for those of you who are around me almost any time of the day, you'll observe that making a joyful noise (frequently 'unto the Lord', as Psalm 100 says, but just as frequently because I CAN) is part and parcel of what I do, Darling, it's what I do (tip of the hat to Captain Malcolm Reynolds in "Serenity"); especially down here in Stonewalled Charismatic Presbyterian Church.
Today I got on You Tube and typed in 'bagpipes,' hoping to find "Amazing Grace" there so I'd have the chance to do that very thing. Well, once again the Lord answered. If you want to enjoy 4 minutes of interesting video and, for some of us, tear jerking music, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V84STSWVp3g.
Now, to encourage you another way to make a joyful noise to the Lord, here are some words from Augustine as noted in Samuel Bolton's The True Bounds of Christian Freedom: “Augustine describes man under four different conditions. Before the law he neither fights nor strives against sin. Under the law he fights but is overcome. Under grace he fights and conquers. But in heaven it is all conquest, and there is no combat more to all eternity. It is our happiness here in grace that there is a conquest, though a daily combat: we fight, but we get the victory; sin shall nevermore have dominion over us.”
Got Ephesians 6:10-20?

#99: You Gotta Be Kiddin'

Last night we started watching the GREAT series, "Elizabeth R" starring Glenda Jackson, who is a Member of Parliament in real life these days. (I guess this would be the British equivalent to President John Quincy Adams' becoming a Congressman after his Presidency...you can see a glimpse of this in another GREAT flick, "Amistad.")
Anyway...Queen Elizabeth I had a group of men called The Privy Council. Now, with my understanding of the English language and its idioms, I suddenly realized that "the privy" was the term used for the OUTHOUSE. (The connection, for all you linguistically curious is that "privy" has to do with access to secret information, usually involving a location of privacy; hence, the nickname for the outdoor toilet, I guess.) (By the way, "privacy" is pronounced prih-vuh-ssseee, not pry-vah-see if you're from the right hand side of the Atlantic.)
Well...I'm just sittin' here wonderin' if the Outhouse Council ever REALLY considered the implications of their name, considering how they used to suck up to Her Royal Majesty?!!
It seems to me ANY council of men who get together to decide the fate of individuals, groups, and/or countries should give a little consideration to their title.
Now, think about this one: Most religious organizations have a Board of Trustees to run at least their financial affairs (as required for non-profit corporations in American States) and usually many of their other affairs as well. It just so happens that a secondary meaning of "trustee" is interesting: "Trustee is also a term used for a prison inmate who has special work-related privileges, usually as a result of good behavior." In other words, Do The Crime...Do The Time...Be Good...Get Power Over Other Crooks. (I'm thinking of the trustees who used to have charge of internal cell keys in various English gaols.)
Maybe we should just have groups titled Guys Who Run Things.
Got crossword puzzle mentality?

#98: Biblical Pet Peeve

Today I was reminded again of the inaccurate use of Scripture I've seen for 28 years when I was reading about a guy named William Hunt who was burned at the stake on this date in 1555 because he read his Bible after Bloody Mary of England said, "NO!" The end of the article asked if YOU'D be willing to die at the stake for Bible reading privileges and then quoted Hebrews 4:12, "For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart."
Now while that statement is true enough about the Bible, the context of the verse is talking about Jesus. Look at the next verse, "And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do." So, the "word of God" in the previous sentence should be Word of God, meaning Jesus, as in John 1:14, "And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth."

If you want to talk about using the Bible to change lives, use these verses:
2 Timothy 3:16-17, "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work."
Jeremiah 23:29-30, "Is not My word like fire?" declares the LORD, "and like a hammer which shatters a rock? Therefore, behold, I am against the prophets, saith the LORD, that steal my words every one from his neighbour."
Thus endeth the lesson for the day.
Got whine and cheese?

#97: PECO Knows About God

My good buddy, Electrical Wizardman, told me an interesting fact that got some more of my brain synapses firing. Pennsylvania Electric Company will NOT reimburse you for equipment that gets fried because of power outages they determine are "an act of God." My environmentally friendly flourescent light above my head went on and I remarked, "Well, if they believe in acts of God, they must believe in God. That made me think that insurance companies around the country, if not the world, ALSO have "acts of God" clauses, so THEY must officially believe He exists...at least as an excuse for NOT paying you money you think they owe you when a Providential catastrophe occurs to you.
I guess it's a good thing these companies are not died-in-the-wool Calvinists or they'd simply not pay you for ANYTHING because EVERYTHING happens in God's Providence. Hmmm...if there are any insurance moguls reading this, we could ALL be in trouble and may have to support an American Atheists Association class action suit to have "acts of God" clauses struck from all sorts of commercial policy statements!!
Got lawyers' phone numbers?

#96: Sad Saturday

Well, here we are at Easter Monday. Yesterday was Easter Sunday. Passion Week included Maunday Thursday and Good Friday. Whatever happened to Saturday's first name? Not-So-Hot Saturday might be a possibility given the view of the Disciples. Underground Saturday would be ok, I guess, since Jesus was technically under ground in the tomb. Preach-To-The-Dead Saturday would work based on 1 Peter 4:6.
Hmmm...Preach To The Dead Every Sunday might be what goes on in a large chunk of America every week, I guess, at places like Up The Creek Presbyterian Church. I know, I'm starting to whine again, so I'll give you a Charles Spurgeon quote that covers a LOT of stuff; especially in light of the reading I've been doing in William Bridge's A Lifting Up for the Downcast. I have no idea from which of Spurgeon's hundreds of writings it comes. I found it at the bottom of a missionary email from Haiti:
"Had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you find yourself, divine love would have placed you there." Charles Spurgeon commenting on Psalm 47:4

Oh, my It-Was-OK-Saturday included a trip in which I passed a truck that said "Seal Coating" on the side of it. My driver thought that would explain why roads get slippery when they get wet, being coated with seals, that is. I, on the other hand, figured that the little guys were so slippery in the water because THEY were coated by whatever was in the truck.
Got votes?

#95: Good Friday Chapter Two

A buddy of mine wanted me to see his stuff on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, so I joined up and now I've suddenly got Friends and access to the whole shebang. Well, I was looking over various places and came across this one spot called "I'm a Christian and Proud of It!!" Since pride goes before a fall, does this seem a bit ironic? And there was this long list of how many folks had signed up (250,000), so good old Conspiracy Theorist Moi thought, "Hmmm...what a great place for the Evil Empire to start collecting names of folks to persecute when the time comes. (If you want some interesting reading on how seemingly small things can snowball, read any of Frank Perretti's novels...good stuff.)
Oh, yeah, in one of the photo categories there were 666 religious pictures. Like...Duuuudes (and Duuuuuddesses), does this seem a little laughable, given all the hubbub in Christian circles about the Mark of the Beast?!! Or maybe it's a good indication that the folks in charge are not stupidstitious? But while I'm on the subject...
A friend sent me an email gizmo last week about that very thing where the technology already exists to put a rice-sized implant in either your right hand or forehead for security identity and tracking purposes. The thing's made by a Motorola subsidiary and they're putting out a million a year. I did have to point out that it would take 6,500 years to make the necessary amount for our current world population, so we might not have to worry about stuff like that particular Mark of the Beast just yet.
Well, think I'll go back to looking around and end up playing some computer games, reading some Puritans, and who knows what else on this day off.
Got plans?

#94:Redneck Good Friday

Well, 1,975 years ago Jesus showed up for work on Friday and had what could be considered the worst "day at the office" in world history. After all, going from being Perfect to becoming sin on our behalf ain't exactly my idea of a pleasant day's occupation. It WAS, however, a Good Day's Work; perhaps why we call it Good Friday, among other reasons. (If anyone knows when the name first stuck, please drop me a line.)

Well, it just so happens that I had the chance to tell a guy yesterday while on the roof of our library that Jesus, being God, saw that mankind could not save itself, so in light of the adage, "if you want something done right, do it yourself"...He DID! I even got to mention that in good redneck, no-nonsense carpenter fashion, He said of Himself, "I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life. Nobody comes to the Father but through Me."

I even pointed out that John 3:16-18, the verse he'd probably seen on banners at football games on occasion was the Gospel so many folks talk about and then quoted it to him with what I thought was the proper emphasis and pauses.

Why do I mention all this? Well, you never know what a day will bring, so be prepared to give account of your hope, as it says somewhere in Peter, I think, when someone actually asks if he can pick your brains. Captain Audio Visual tells me Mel Gibson's "The Passion" is our movie fare for tonight; which will probably become a Grey Havens tradition, if I know us. We've seen it once, but it certainly brings home the gruesome day at work Jesus had on Friday in preparation for a resounding Sunday Resurrection Day!

Got hope and a smile?

#93: Cheese In My Computer

Good morning! (Or Good Whatever Time of the Day or Night It Is As You Read This!) I just spent the last 20 minutes defragmenting and disc cleaning my computer because it was acting like it had cheese in its inner works. It's at times like this that I think the phrase Gates of Hell has something to do with Microsoft, not Satan, but I'm probably pulling a text out of context in this instance.
Anyway, earlier this morning I read an entry in one of my devotionals in my inner room based on Romans 8:28, "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God." Well, in my case, instead of fuming at the slow progress of the defrag line, I picked up Operation World and prayed for Lebanon and the stuff written in that entry, since that's where I am in my resolve to gradually work through the book for the first time in 28 years of being a Christian.
Oh, one thing that reminded me NOT to put my fist through the screen of my computer was an incident of lost temper from about 12 years ago when I got so angry I punched the metal cabinet in my office, actually leaving knuckle prints in the door as I rocked the cabinet back against the wall! The Romans 8:28 application THERE is that I also hurt my knuckles enough that I can accurately predict bad weather now and the likelihood of my EVER punching something that hard again has been significantly reduced, barring the Stupidity Factor of my depraved nature.
Why do I mention all this? Well, I also speed read another one of William Bridge's sermons in A Lifting Up for the Downcast while I was awaiting defrag and disc cleanup (listened to some Mozart from the free cd I got last week trying to hook me into one of those buy-a-bunch-of-stuff-to-have-the-complete-collection deals), so I want to encourage you as Bridge does his readers not to get bummed by your weak walk with the Lord akin to my sometimes-temper. When you HAVE to wait, make use of the time to fellowship with the Lord and kick Satan's butt and your day will improve, as Janice of the Electric Mayhem says, FER SHURE!!
Or maybe from Animal's point of view: PRAY NOW...PRAY NOW...PRAY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got requests?

#92: Up The Creek Presbyterians et al

I play this great game called Heroes of Might & Magic IV that has an editor function that let's you build your own scenarios. Well, I constructed an on-going series about Balderdash Bob the Barbarian (one of the peoples you can be). Well, they've got these churches where your armies can hide from the Bad Guys (almost like real life) and have dead heroes get resurrected.
Well, I stuck a few churches around the landscape with sign boards outside I thought would never show up in real life, but should:

Up The Creek Presbyterian Church. Dead Guys welcome. Conversions possible, but only by Committee or direct act by the Living One of Truth!! Sprinklings on occasion, but only by appointment.

Brimstone Babdist Church. Dragons across the creek supply us with plenty of Fire and Brimstone for our sermons. Pot luck suppers get interesting, too. Stop by Saturday for mystery meat stew. It's guarenteed to resurrect your dead heroes.

Independent Flaming Out of Control Church. We cater to Barbarians AND regular old Citizens. Traditional Service in the late morning. Totally Whacked Service about sunrise or whenever the Barbarians arrive. All donations to replace the busted up furniture gladly accepted.

First Stronghold Barbarian Church. We break up the furniture EVERY week with our wild services, but not to worry, we have lots of carpenters on the Deacon Board!!

Washem Sloshem Babdist Church. We were the first ones here. We have two daughter churches, even if they think they're on their own!

Rockpile Babdist. Those folks down the road just don't seem to understand worship the way we want them to, so we moved out and built the walls you see around us. We tore down the blacksmith's shop, since he was the Deacon who donated the land, and built our sanctuary on the foundation.

Balderdash Barbarian Church. Use to be First Stronghold Barbarian, but BB financed the cobblestone road and a whole new set of pews, so we thought we'd flatter him a bit by changing the name. OK, so sue us...we're Barbarians!! Services same time, still wild as ever; especially since The Twins run rampant during services when Medusianna [Balderdash Bob's wife] just doesn't feel like controlling them!

Middle of Nowhere Methodist. We're still here, still climbing the pole to see if any pilgrims are coming our way.

Brimstone Babdist. We still preach it like it is, but Textus Receptus cleaned up the town of dragons, so mystery meat pot lucks aren't nearly as mysterious any more. Hog farming seems to be popular these days, sometimes leading to a bunch of them running into Dogwood Creek for some reason!
Got scenario suggestions?

#91: Puritans and Mangoes

I think I've figured out what the problem is with Puritan writings that causes folks to shy away from them. While exhausting their subject, they exhaust the reader with too many words and references. These guys are GREAT when it comes to what they say, they simply say too much much of the time. All that being said, I still recommend the 12 Puritan classics to which I referred in Post #86 listed on another blog site.
For you lazy types, let me either sum up all you need to know or maybe whet your appetites about the ones I've already read. No comments will follow in brackets those I haven't read:
The Bruised Reed by Richard Sibbes [Jesus won't kick you when you're down, but will restore you to spiritual health.]
The Mystery of Providence by John Flavel [God knows what He's doing and you can study to figure it out by reading the Bible]
The Godly Man’s Picture by Thomas Watson [Actually ACT like Jesus!!]
Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Devices by Thomas Brooks [Read the Bible, pray in the Spirit, and stand firm in Jesus' strength, not your own]
Come and Welcome to Jesus Christ by John Bunyan [Hey, Wanna get saved? Call on Jesus and be GUARENTEED He'll answer you]
The Mortification of Sin by John Owen [STOP IT, YOU SINFUL MORON! NOW, ACT LIKE JESUS!]
A Lifting Up for the Downcast by William Bridge [Whatchu Bummed For?!! Remember who you are in Christ!!]
The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs
The True Bounds of Christian Freedom by Samuel Bolton
The Christian’s Great Interest by William Guthrie
The Reformed Pastor by Richard Baxter [ACT like Jesus towards your spiritual charges!]
A Sure Guide to Heaven by Joseph Alleine

OK, let's whet another appetite. One of my Chinese granddaughters taught me the best way to eat a mango. Cut along the long axis to get two halves and a pulp covered stone. Cut away the skin from the stone. Eat the pulp. Cut across the pulp but not through the skin 5 times the short way and once the long way. Bend back the skin so little "squares" appear that are easy to bite from the skin. Enjoy immensely. Wash up the small amount of goop on your fingers and, for those of us who have them, mustaches!!
Can you say YUMMMMMMM??!!

#90: Two Years Behind

The guy pictured to the left joined the crew of the Grey Havens a week or so ago and seems to be a good picture for the title of this post. Well, I'm NOT two years behind on what needs to be done. (That would be more like two DECADES, from a human point of view. I'm running right on schedule in God's Mystery of Providence, however!) I've occupied the Grey Havens for two years now, so that time is behind me. In simple mathematical terms, 104 weeks without having to commute 10 hours a week means that the Lord has graciously given me 1,040 hours of time to do more productive things...like sleep in (not in a hammock, however), play Civil War Generals, Heroes of Might and Magic IV & Super Nisqually, read all kinds of things (like the 6 Puritan classics I finished in 9 days recently), write a variety of things in my journals (176,911 answers right now), sit around and think or shoot the breeze with folks at The Park Bench (with or without a Fincke maduro), and as a result of all that: BLOG!
I had some thoughts over the weekend, but was just too lazy to drag my butt up to my office to write them down, so here they are for today's entry.
Saturday was the 15th, the Ides of March; which proved fatal to Julius Caesar in 44BC and has sparked the phrase, "Beware the Ides of March." Howcome we in America don't say "Beware the Ides of April" instead? After all, that's the day that our Federal Income Tax forms are due. I've often thought it somehow ironically appropriate that our taxes are due on the same day that Abraham Lincoln died from the assassination attack on Good Friday the 14th of April, 1865.
OH, YEAH...let's hear it for the Ides of November!! (My birthday, now that I've just thought about it. Only 8 months to go, for those of you considering present and/or greetings-sending.)
And how about celebrating the Ides of EVERY MONTH for those of us who get paid on the 15th and 30th/31st?!! OOORAH, OOORAH!!
Sunday the 16th had some interesting things go on in history, based on some of my previous research noted down in my on-going research (part of the 1,040 hours, I guess):
In 37AD, Caligula succeeded Tiberius as Emperor of Rome and stepped up the persecution of Christians. (I would highly recommend the series "I, Claudius" for a picture of THIS guy!)
In 1935, Adolf Hitler broke the military prohibitions set down in the Treaty of Versailles limiting Germany's build up of arms. (You might say that folks back then should have SEEN what was coming, considering that Hitler made it abundantly clear in Mein Kampf!)
In 1968 the My Lai Massacre occurred that rocked America a little more in a very troubling time. (I still don't see why folks were so shocked, given what a barbaric species we are!)
Well, today we celebrate St. Patrick of Ireland and his evangelization of the land that made him a slave for a time before he escaped back to his own land, only to return to preach the Gospel to his former captors. It's also the anniversary of the birth in 1828 of Confederate General Patrick Cleburne, the Christian who came to be known as the "Stonewall of the West" in comparison with General Jackson.
So what's my point? Well, take stock of where you've been and some of the milestones in your life the Lord has given you and then take a moment to thank Him, knowing that He's gone before you in whatever direction you're heading under His lead. (Oh, if you're walking across the grain of his plan for you, you might also want to think about reversing course!)
Got Footprints?

#89: DON'T READ THE LABELS!!!!!

The other night at the Grey Havens we had a tasty dessert...Mochi. It was green tea ice cream lumps, for lack of better terminology. I read the ingredients...MY BAD!! Propylene glycol was one of the ingredients. I remarked that I thought that was the ingredient in antifreeze...MY BAD AGAIN!! (Antifreeze is ETHYLENE glycol, not Propylene.)

However, I looked at a can of white latex paint this morning...YEPPER...propylene glycol is the last ingredient!!

Back In The Day (in this case 16 human years or 2.28 dog years), I was standing around waiting for coffee to brew while I was painting the office in which it was located and made the mistake of reading the label on a carton of creamer. (Don't remember which brand.) THAT label had titanium dioxide as one of the ingredients...YEPPER, the second ingredient in that can of white paint I was using!! Today's creamer contributions are two: one contains sodium casenate, dipotassium phosphate, mono and diglycerides, and soduim stearoyl lactylate...some of my favorite flavors!! Item #2 contains sodium citrate, datem, tetra sodium pyrophosphate, and the ever present carrageenan. (I think some enterprising young couple should name a baby girl Carrageenan, especially if there's some Celtic bloodlines involved...just a thought!!)

Then there was the time I read the can of orange soda I was drinking...ester of wood resin was my favorite ingredient there...YEPPER, TREE SAP!!

I also noticed that one cracker box contained 2% or less of ammonium bicarbonate, sodium bicarbonate, monocalcium phosphate, sodium sulfite, and malted cereal syrup. (I guess they figure you're gonna need help with your stomach, so they put the bicarbonates in there to save you time mixing up bicarbonate of soda later!)

Oh, yeah...just what exactly are "natural flavors" that I see on so many packages? WHICH ONES? Eye of Newt? Toe of Frog? Wing of Bat? Hair of Dog?

Got Three Witches cookin' supper?

#88: Gas Planets and Blowhards

I woke up this morning at 4:30, fully wired and rarin' to go, probably because my histamine levels are elevated for the unofficial start of Allergy Season. (I'm thinkin' the Evil Government's plan of Daylight Stupid Time starting a month early can be blamed for it, but I guess it REALLY falls into the category of one of those Mysteries of Providence that John Flavel writes about, somehow 'working together for my good' but I'll be dogged if I can figure out how.)
Anyway, in thinking about what to write in today's post, I looked at one Today In History site. Well, good old Sir William Herschel observed what he thought was a star this day in 1781 but what actually has turned out to be my second favorite planet, Uranus. Obviously, I had to go to Dictionary.com to get the official pronunciation so that my totally depraved nature did not take precedence over decorum. Before I got that for which I was looking, I was brutally accosted by the Word of the Day: Rodomontade
Here's part of the entry:
rodomontade \rod-uh-muhn-TADE; roh-duh-; -TAHD\, noun: Vain boasting; empty bluster; pretentious, bragging speech; rant.
When I read the definition, my first thought was that it sounded like something William F. Buckley, Jr. would say. Repeat after me, "Bob, You Were Right!"
Here's example #4:
'But what he said -- that if any official came to his house to requisition his pistol, he'd better shoot straight -- was more rodomontade than a call to arms or hatred.-- William F. Buckley Jr., "What does Clinton have in mind?", National Review, May 29, 1995'
OK...so then I typed in "Uranus" and got 8 possibilities from which to choose. I could only chuckle when I read these two:
The American Heritage Science Dictionary
Uranus (y r'ə-nəs, y -rā'-) The seventh planet from the Sun and the third largest, with a diameter about four times that of Earth. Though slightly larger than Neptune, Uranus is the least massive of the four gas giants and is the only one with no internal heat source. A cloud layer of frozen methane gives it a faint bluish-green color, and it is encircled by a thin system of 11 rings and 27 moons.
Online Etymology Dictionary
'Uranus... Planet discovered and identified as such in 1781 by Sir William Herschel (it had been observed before, but mistaken for a star, cf. 1690 when John Flamsteed cataloged it as 34 Tauri); Herschel proposed calling it Georgium Sidus, lit. "George's Star," in honour of his patron, King George III of England.'
Well, my twisted wit makes sense of this combination of possibilites by seeing that Christian English King George III's rodomontade towards his American colonies made him, perhaps, the Fifth Gas Giant in our solar system. Bragging is bad, Christian bragging, way worse in my book.
Got Madness, King George? (GREAT movie, "The Madness of King George", by the way.)

#87: Spring Has Sprung

How do I know? Well there are geese sitting on the chimneys of The Big House. (Take my word for it if you can't see them.)
Richelieu, my pet cardinal has returned to Camp Cornelius and is singing his one note song as usual.
Last night the song of the turtle dove was heard outside of the Grey Havens as dinner time. (Let's hear it for the Song of Solomon 2:12! )
I spotted a few feisty male robins on the lawns in the last four days.
Daylight Stupid Time has been initiated.
My body and legs ache from weeding various places yesterday and today.
Blimp the Groundhog is back outside munching whatever's green and dug another exit from his burrow where we thought we had closed it off.
I'm thinking about planting a vegetable garden.
Oh, yeah...Spring Training is well under way!
Got hotdogs?

#86: Excrescences of Corruption (Second Post Today)

Ain't that title a GREAT phrase?!!
I’ve been reading some Puritan books as a result of reading a guy’s blog site who is trying to get folks to read 12 classics in 12 months. (I managed 3 of them in 4 days, since these guys write exactly what I think in slightly more wordy ways.)
I don’t know the legal ins and outs about quoting stuff that people put on their blog sites, so just plug into http://timmybrister.com/2008/01/07/join-the-2008-puritan-reading-challenge/ and scroll down about a foot or so to the list if you’re interested.
The one book, The Mystery of Providence by John Flavel has the sentence in it, “What a special mercy was it to us to have the excrescences of corruption nipped in the bud by their pious and careful discipline!” (He's talking about "abnormal outgrowths of moral perversion" godly parents squelched in their evil offspring...probably Terrible Twos!) I particularly liked the phrase and thought that what I’ve been saying about young folks who get saved early on in life has some Puritan backup, so to speak.
The way I look at it, when youngsters get saved, God knows just how bad they would be if they didn’t have the restraint of the Holy Spirit early on. He's protecting them from themselves and giving their parents hope in the teenage years that, having been "trained up in the way they should go," they will return to it sometime earlier than the "old age" predicted by Proverbs.
Others of us who get saved later on get to wallow in our depravity so we can then help others out of the same messes we got in on various and multiple occasions...all in that Mysterious Providence Flavel is describing so loquaciously.
Maybe the next time you want to call somebody a nasty name you could use “excrescence of corruption” as the epithet...even if the full meaning is missed it surely SOUNDS insulting!!
Of course, Galatians 6:1 says, "Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted."
Well, follow Option #2 if your spiritual maturity is advanced. Follow Option #1 if your OWN excrescences of corruption raise their ugly multiple heads...then repent heartily like Martin Luther used to prescribe, using 1 John 1:9 as your assurance of instant forgiveness; assuming you REALLY mean it!
Got Sanctification?

#85: Adventures in Mundanity

Someone suggested I should post my job related emails, so for y'all NOT at Camp Cornelius:
Folks,
It is 7am.
It is 38 outside and feels like 33 if Weather Channel Glenside is correct.
The Auditorium is 69 degrees because SOMEBODY left the lights on all night.
The thermostat is set at 63, on ‘automatic’ and should go to putting out air conditioning when y’all introduce 350 people into the room, if expectations of attendance are met.
There are door stops provided to open the back doors that will then be removed after THE EVENT to keep within Fire Marshall requirements.
The doors at both ends of the lobby may be opened to introduce the cold from outside so that it rolls down the aisles through the propped open doors.
Room #2 can have the thermostat changed to ‘cool’ if necessary by anyone looking under the unit who can push the plastic gizmo to the desired setting.
Fortunately, if all these precautions fail, God Himself has designed a fool proof cooling system each of you carries with you in your 98.6 degree selves…we in the hvac trade call it “sweat.” Please feel free to utilize it if all our measures prove inadequate.
I and my cooperative Crew will be outside waving our arms at traffic.
Tankewberrymuch.
BS

#84: Completely Abstract Random

Well, here we are on March 10, the 110th anniversary of my maternal grandfather's birth and I've had all kinds of thoughts pass through my head this morning.
Back in the 60s we had these things called Whacky Plaques. This was one of my favorites and seems appropriate for my life most days. However, it ALSO inspired me to consider developing a chain of bathroom interior decorator shops called Plan A Head! Catchy, hunh?!! (For those of you unschooled in such things, "head" is what the bathroom is called on ships.)
Then there's the question: why is it called ozone? Why not a-zone, or b-zone, or any-other-letter-zone? All football fans know about The Red Zone (back in the 50s that would have been Hollywood being investigated by the House Un-American Activities Committee)(Google it, youngsters, if you're confused!!), but when an athlete is in The Zone, just where exactly IS he/she?! Is it similar to an out of body experience or an out of mind experience?
Shouldn't there be something like a twelve-letter word for "crossword puzzler?" "Wordsmith" works, but is only nine. (All entries addressed to sextonbobsexton@gmail will be properly considered.)
Hmmm...I know one, but it will have to be issued posthumously or I'll "get killed" for posting it.
I just realized that, if posthumously means after you're dead, then you're reading this humously! Are you feeling humous today? If you're not, maybe you should call a doctor.
Is it any wonder raisin bread tastes soooooooooo good?!! Lookit the last three letters of rai-sin!!
Wyizzit that when you microwave coffee it'll raise blisters on your lips for the first two sips and then suddenly it's tepid instantaneously? Sooo...you pop it back in the micro and POW! you get scorched lips AGAIN!! Can't there be a happy medium? Hmmm...probably not because NOBODY dealing in the occult world of telling the future and communicating with the dead can be happy here or in eternity!!
And wyizzit that kitchens have to have ceiling fans over the table so they cause the food to get cold FASTER?!!
Who was it that ate shrimp for the first time?
Just EXACTLY how happy IS a clam, based on the age old saying?
Gotta go before my brain melts...although, THAT might be the name of a really tasty sandwich with melted cheese on a croissant in a store that lets you sip microwaved coffee while reading a book!!
Got entrepreneurial cash?

#83: Sunday Odds and Ends

Well, here we are at Sunday, March 9, 2008, the 146th anniversary of the Battle of Hampton Roads where the Monitor DEFEATED the Merrimack because the Merrimack attacked on Sunday AND did NOT accomplish the destruction of the Union Navy, thus failing in its objectives, whereas the Monitor DID stop the havoc, WINNING the battle, not fighting to a draw as most historians will say! Whew...I'm glad I got THAT off my chest! Oh, yeah...it also seemed significant to me that the Lord engineered that battle which ushered in modern naval warfare between ironclads on a Sunday in the Civil War that fought the largest number of its battles on Sundays, thus breaking Sabbaths all over the place.
Today is also that glorious day (no, not the one mentioned in hymns) that the Federal Government decided is the start of Daylight Saving (no 's') Time. How many of you missed church because you weren't paying attention? (Or your Starbucks Bible study group?) I know my stupid cell phone that my good buddy Good Old Boy bequeathed me did NOT advance one hour because it was probably programmed long before Con-gress (the opposite of progress) decided we needed to get up earlier this month. The silver lining in this sorta grey cloud is that I have an excuse for being late and otherwise fouled up...I'm a victim, I'm conflicted, I've got issues...EEEUUUWWW!!
New Subject:
Yesterday I had a pseudo-religious experience in the giant Giant that moved into a converted Home Depot in our neck of the planet. (Are my religious roots showing again with my choice of words?!!) Anyway, whilst meandering the aisles pickin' up veggies and whatnots while makin' folks around us laugh, I noticed some things that just made me think.
There are now expiration dates imprinted on eggs. My question to Elfson was, "Where do you put the ink in the chicken so it prints out like that?"
In the toilet paper aisle there was this brand that claimed to be angel soft. What in the name of my great Aunt Lizzie's hair bun is the connection? Angels don't even closely resemble those pudgy babies pictured on the wrapper...Let me refer you to Post #12: Angels Oughtta Be Steamed for my opinions on that particular topic so I keep my blood pressure under control right now!!
My last thought here was my first statement there: "This place has more food than some COUNTRIES!!" And, no, I haven't exaggerated in the history of the planet!!
Got foodstuff hyperbole?

#82: New Bob-ism #20

Last night I was talking with one of my sisters and had the epiphany of realizing I was creating a new Bob-ism that will no doubt be repeated by me, hence establishing it's status as a Bob-ism! (I even put a date next to it in the Bob-ism column so I can cite the day it began; which happens to be the anniversary of the Sunday attack by Santa Ana on The Alamo on the THIRTEENTH day of the siege!)
What I said was, "A Worry-er worries that she's NOT worrying!" Being the 1950s-kinda-guy that I am, I think my use of 'she' instead of 'he' (which 'back in the day' of Ozzie and Harriet included male and female in proper English usage) was intentional in her case, obviously, but I developed a theory in my inner room contemplations this morning as a result of the thought. (By the way, I'm listening to my Yanni cd that was a Christmas gift for being voted "most likely to own a Yanni record" at a party a few years back to give me contemplative atmosphere in my office that will, no doubt, enhance the stream of conscious thinking I do.)
In any event, I've observed over the course of my convoluted life that women seem to worry more than men. Maybe it's estrogen related. Maybe I could get a Government Grant to study the whole situation and create an A.M.A. sponsored paper that would rocket me to fame and fortune?!! Maybe Miss Piggy will fly over The Big House today on her way to marry Kermy?!!
Think it through though...worrying is about the stupidest sin we commit. Yes, it's sin because Jesus SPECIFICALLY says in Matthew 6:33, "Do not worry" ('about tomorrow' is the context, but I think 'about anything' is clearly implied in the passage). The other 'deeds of the flesh' of Galatians 5: 19-21 (immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing) at least produce relatively immediate semi-pleasureable outcomes (until the Piper needs to get paid, of course, and paybacks become Hell), with the exception of Envy, that only generates dissatisfaction and raises blood pressure, much like Worry. Think about all the issues you've worried about in the past and how many times you later came to realize that it was a COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME, STOMACH ACID, AND ANGST!! It's not even FUN to worry, by its very nature!!
If the Creator of EVERYTHING says He loves you as much as He does Jesus (cf. John 17:9), pardon the phrase, but what the Hell are you worrying about?!!
Got different faith?

#81: Ham and Tadpoles

Well, I found out last night that Kermit the Frog has been sidestepping (maybe that should be side-hopping) the romantic overtures of Miss Piggy for FIFTY years after we watched "The Muppet Movie" and the special features included with the dvd.
I'm of the opinion that every job interview should be opened up with the question, "Who is your favorite Muppet?" That would give the interviewer a deep psychological profile of the applicant that would intuitively tell the Boss just what the heck kind of screwball he/she was hiring without going through a long series of questions.
Think about some of the people you know and see if they act like Fozzy Bear, Miss Piggy (descended from Noah through Ham, no doubt), or perhaps a member of The Electric Mayhem Band...GROOVY, DUDE...to quote Janis.
Oh, and while I'm thinking about it...there's a line in "The Muppet Movie" that disturbs me. When Dr. Teeth is reading the script to catch himself up on things, the line describing his band who are renovating an obviously disused church into a coffee house is, "They're not Presbyterians." Monsewer Henson obviously never got to visit Stonewalled Charismatic Presbyterian Church in the basement of The Big House before he shuffled off this mortal coil!! (Although as a generalization of Presbyterian church services, he might NOT have been far off the mark.)
Guess I'll go get something done other than pontificating and cranking tunes. ('Days of Elijah' is the current selection, by the way.)
In case you wonder who's my fave, let me put it as he might:
ANIMALLLLL...ANIMALLLLL...ANIMALLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got drum sticks?

#80: Leftover Life Changes

Well, Pops The Cook makes food that transforms lives at the Grey Havens as well as The Big House and other places.
Audio Visualman sometimes perfectly times movie choices that do the same.
At supper, while discussing the pros/cons of food poisoning from spoiled leftovers, I remarked that there was only one guy on the planet to whom I would wish a case of food poisoning, having had it once in the past myself.
After supper we watched "To End All Wars," a tale of POWs during WWII who helped build the Burma to Thailand railroad that has gotten fame in "Bridge Over the River Kwai." However, the screenwriter's a Christian, from what I learned this morning, who presented a compelling case of real forgiveness in spite of abominable circumstances.
When Pops asked me what I thought after the credits and final photos rolled, I simply remarked, "Guess there's nobody to whom I'd wish food poisoning now."
Got 'Amazing Grace' on the bagpipes?

#79: Gunfights and Broken Glass

I was watching my second favorite western, "Silverado," on Saturday ("3:10 to Yuma" has become #1) and came up with another series of questions.
1. Whyizzit that guys don't RAISE the double hung windows before they start shooting at the good guys, but break the glass with their guns? Even Billy the Kid and his Regulators did that to their friend Alex MacSwain's windows in "Young Guns." Did the bad guys work for some glass repair shop in whatever town they were holding the gunfight? Did they get two-for-one glass repairs if they did exceptional amounts of damage? Was the entire crime phenomenon of the Wild West financed by some rich Glass Guy back East just so he could import panes of glass out West? Should you forward this post to American history profs all around the country so they can begin some SERIOUS research into the subject?!
2. Did the rich cattle barons REALLY make their money in the glass business FIRST and then reinvest in Bovine Business Adventures to expand their portfolio?!!
3. Where in all the Western towns you've seen in ALL those Westerns that have been filmed is the glass shop located? You see saloons, sheriff offices, blacksmith stables, dry goods stores, a couple of outhouses, and even the occasional church, but you NEVER see the glass repair shop OR meet the carpenter who had to replace all the woodwork shot up in these movies, either!
4. Does Hollywood have a moral imperative to give us more of the REAL Old West than they have?
5. Should an environmentalist lobby be formed to investigate the over-usage of sand in the United States that's contributing to Global Warming as a result of all the glass repair done due to gunfights in the nineteenth century?
6. Should I stop watching movies?
Got popscorn? (Yes, the spelling is intentional.)